TO LOSE, IS TO WIN

Ones struggle with anorexia and social pressures.

How I want you, love you

Too much at times it's true.

I need you, but must not have you

Eliminate you is the best thing to do.

You disgust me, repulse me

Make me feel ill.

If I indulge, even a little

I swallow a pill.

You must not stay

Get out ... leave quick.

If pills don't work

I'll make myself sick.

Nobody understands

This is my duty.

I can't change my thoughts

And was born no beauty.

"Plane Jane." "Nothing special."

"No hope, it's genetic."

Give up, it's no use

Just face it, I'm pathetic. 

Reviews

[PloughBoy]

You obviously possess an abundance of inner strength, Harmony-Lee, to point a gnarled, crooked finger back at yourself while proclaiming, "Hey, world! Look at me, I'm not perfect, but I'm here, and I mean something!" That's what I felt as I read your last and final line. As for being born beautiful, beauty is simply a matter of perception, is it not? There are many forms of what one would consider beautiful, and personally to me, inner beauty and strength is far more attractive than what is presented by outward appearances.

Great work, very raw, and extremely powerful.

[Harmony-Lee]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my piece.
Your work is amazing and I appreciate your review.

[PloughBoy]

You are very welcome, Harmony-Lee. It was my pleasure.

[Pryde Foltz]

A well-constructed and personally revealing write, Harmony. The world is a chaotic place that seems to place unrealistic demands on the individual ... most of us struggle in on way or another, alternating between times when we think we can control and times when we give into despair. You are not alone.

[Mary Bosworth]

Well done here with a very very good piece

[Baby Ricochet]

My X wife was non-classic bi-polar part of which was bulimia. It was a major problem in our relationship compounded by me being gone most of the time we were married. (Deployments to Afghanistan and Iraq) I found out from her best friend, a little gay dude named Jeffry, (I loved Jeffery, he was the king) while I was away Gina was out of control with the bingeing, purging and compulsive exercise. I had no idea what to do about it and I knew I was being Re-deployed in just a few months so the stress in our relationship was intense. When Gina was having a good day, she was incredible, when she was having a bad day, it was a nightmare. I haven't seen Gina since 2009, the day I signed the divorce papers, about a year after I left the Corps, I left the Marine corps, the only life I'd ever known since I'd been eighteen, in part with the hope of saving our marriage, it didn't turn out that way. I'd like to say I understand Bulimia, having been so close to it but it's one of those things, like being deployed to the Al Anbar province in Iraq, you have to live it to really get it. I do know how dark it can get and how all consuming it can be though. All I can say is if that witch is in your head, get help, and fast. She's trying to kill you.

[Harmony-Lee]

Thanks for reading it :)
I didn't have a title or description on this piece for a while, it had various interpretations, not sure if I should have left it that way for people to read into it what they wanted to. But I also wanted to let it be known what it's like.
Yeah, she's a devil who controls well, She hospitalized me several times, Thought I'd beaten her, but she's back :-( I'll keep fighting, not one who asks for help though.

[Briana O'Connor]

The emotions in this piece are very strong and palpable. There is a strong sincere message entangled in your poem that touches the soul. The words that stand for sticking to your ground are firm and vivid. One thing I did notice is that the last 5 lines seem to change topic. The first part of the poem up to the 2nd to last line in the 2nd to last stanza is talking about not giving in to toxic love and then the last 5 lines switch to not being worth anything. It kind of threw me off. Over all very well done. Thank you for sharing and keep up the good work.

[Harmony-Lee]

Thanks Briana for your review.
I was rally trying something different here, I find my other pieces are so straight forward, there's no guessing what they're about, it's pretty clear.
I wanted this one to be like a painting, when everyone reads it they see and feel something different, interpretation.
So if I explain that I wrote this about food, anorexia, binge eating etc it might read differently to you.
The first verse is talking about how we need food, love food, but indulge.
Verses 2-3 are the ways to eliminate it once consumed, pills and vomiting.
4-5 the minds thoughts and reasons why it often happens.

Not sure if knowing all this will help or hinder your thoughts on this piece.

[Briana O'Connor]

wow! that is absolutely amazing. That metaphor definately brings a new perspective. very well done. I retract all my previous statements...other than the positive ones of coarse!