Heavy Night Out

Warning: Viewer discretion is advised - The work contains mentions of heavy subjects such as suicidal thoughts and use of substances such as alcohol and cigarette, but is not graphic. 

Heavy night out 

A fiction by Stu. T.H.

[ Tired ]

It has been a long and terrible day,

Again, my dignity was groped into a child's play,

To amuse others while doing my part,

Despite my burning desire to take a few shots,

So I hoped for someone to put an end to these long hours,

Someone in a higher plane who is blessed with power,

But regardless, I know to my dismay,

That it was my undesirable fate to decay,

Still, I hoped for a plentiful life,

One without too many strifes,

One for me to have a lover, 

Who tends to my needs and becomes my server,

Such hollowness is an undesirable trait of men,

But this one can't help but venture into a lion's den,

'I once wished for companions I can call true friends,

But we both know how that would end',

So let's save our unorthodox views,

To display to the concerning few,

Because even if in this world, we have no place,

At least we were given a choice to move at our own pace.

[ Lonesome ]

So, then came the time of date,

But everyone was being so late,

Invited many again, to drink my sorrows away,

But none came to pay tributes to my yearning days,

My inanimate acquaintances chose to flee,

Even the wind has abandoned me,

The Sun has laid her beauty low, 

Letting her chamber's curtains, fall and fold,

This was to be the moment for the Moon to rise,

To try to claim me and make me her bride,

But tonight she won't even try,

Such a pitiful sight caused me to sigh, 

At this point, I miss those pestering Clouds,

I never thought I'd yearn for their disruptive howls,

At least their darkish embrace when engulfed my Sky, 

Still tends to my sorrows and chases my burdens to hide,

So with that, it is safe to say,

There would be no one to soothe my dismay,

In this bustling city, I am truly alone,

Watching graphic motions turn into stone.

[ Drunk ]

So I popped a bottle and drank it all,

Not caring about my displacement, or if I might fall,

After all on this bridge so high,

One can truly believe it is possible to fly,

And even if I would truly ever fall, 

My phone would still not ring for any calls,

By chance the only way I can be free,

Is to end up on a bosom tree?

It is always myself that I do not know,

Regardless of the variation of 'truths' I am told,

Such thoughts do bring to my heart sorrows,

But alas, I was a coward and couldn't follow,

So I stepped down, and away from the crack,

Just moments before my world could turn black...

[ Smoking ]

So I took out a package and started puffing smoke,

My body is heavy but I got my cloak,

Just not someone to offer,

To offer some smoke,

Oh, the humans I've long loved and hated,

Now I turned my back on their city, so faded,

I wonder now, what do those street lights arouse,

A desperate spirit, or one fighting to break out,

Both, by chance, as that is what it aroused in me,

A yearning desire to end this suburban melancholy,

Maybe I would like to move to the countryside,

Yes, the countryside where the bustling noises died,

Perhaps then I may come to own a farm,

A place to tend cattle on fields so calm, 

To live out my childhood dreams,

About being giggly even after light's gone limp,

To be innocent again under daylight,

Unknowing, unbothered, by suburban frights,

This puff of smoke sure does close one's eyes,

It stings and sores, but twice a beetle's size,

Making you dream while you're lucid,

Back to the innocent days when one is stupid,

I know that after this smoke clears,

I'll be left alone, in a sham and tears,

But for once, spare me of the frights, 

For a moment, let me enter the light, 

Thus ends the lucid night of a sinner,

Who abandoned the dreams he had, when he was younger.

[ ... ]

As the stars above shine more than ever,

I feel myself losing to one sweet fever,

And I wish to wake up, never.

- Stu. T.H. (November 10~13, 2023)

Reviews

[Julian]

This is strong stuff indeed- whether any of it is based on your experiences, or on your observation of others, it does a very powerful job of putting into words, the emotions and, moreover, the thought patterns, of one who has been so beaten down by life events, that even daring to hope, is a battle.
I do hope this is not about your own feelings, but if it is, please reach out and let someone help you. I have lost friends to suicide. And it haunts their families forever after. Good luck.

[Stu. T.H.]

Thank you for your great concerns, but as labeled, it was a work of fiction. Still, I do know that there are others who are less fortunate than I am and have gone through such experience, and I wholeheartedly wish them the best of luck and to have life treat them better.
Regardless, thank you for paying a visit to my work, kind viewer.

[Julian]

my honor. keep up the good work

[Matthew Kult]

Poetically depressed, creatively dark

Great read,

With love,

Matthew

[Stu. T.H.]

Thank you for stopping by again, author Matthew. Despite the grim theme of the story one can easily perceive from this angle of narration, I hope for readers to imagine their own version of a good ending for the story if they so desire.
This is one of those tales that hopefully one would be able to look back in time to see how much they've matured, grown after overcoming the dark period in which they were drown in during their younger days.
Again, thanks for coming by! I'll balance out the heavy stuff with lighter topics in time with my future works.
Just like a combination of sugar and coffee, it makes a wonderful delight for a read. (Hopefully!)