[untitled]

I did something very bad.

This is for real, I did something very bad and I desperately need some help this time. I cannot call my family, discretion is key. 
 
As usual when I get my self in trouble, I drank way too much last night and I am frantically typing you from a laptop in a room on the 12^th floor of the Hyatt hotel in Palm Springs. I will tell you what happened but only if you promise to get your car keys and come right over.

It all started innocently enough, two day ago I was researching online “for a friend” on exactly how to go about an extramarital affair. I came upon a chartroom cleverly titled (Married but not Dead). Since I am certainly not a necrophiliac, this seemed an appropriate site to check out.

I set up a profile, again for research purposes only, “I am a very good friend”
Alas, I was immediately contacted by one of the sexiest men I have ever seen online or in person and although I usually discount any man who is shirtless in his main picture as way to cheesy for my tastes,
This man was forgiven.

Plus he had a really cute bio.
“ Wealthy Prince Charming unhappily married to wicked witch, in search of hot sex with a stranger”
“Prince Charming” seemed a perfect case study for my “research”
We agreed to meet at the eleventh hour in the lobby of the Hyatt hotel.
I got there early and ordered two shots of tequila with lime just to settle my nerves.
When “Prince Sexy” arrived, he ordered a bottle of expensive champagne.
 
Tequila, Lime, Champagne, Donna, … Do I really need to say more?

Very well,
 
I woke up this morning alone in a chaotic $4000 a night hotel suite.
My head pounding and a vague memory of a nightclub, an albino dwarf and an alligator?
The floor was littered with rose petals, strawberries and Spanish coins. Apparently a bonfire had been started in the Jacuzzi tub and marshmallow residue covered the entire bathroom ceiling. I pushed back the covers and spotted a small green brown creature nestled at the foot of the bad. I screamed and beat it to death with the first thing I could find.

Unfortunately I realized that I had beat it to a pulp with the King James bible.
Unfortunately, because I was starting to get the feeling that I had committed enough sacrilege in the last 24 hours to last a long time. In fact looking around … I’m pretty sure I am going to hell.
Any way, I wiped the guts off the bible and went to place it back on the nightstand when I noticed a note written on hotel stationary with my name on it.
 
“ Morning Sexy,
I should have told you last night, but I did not want to freak you out. I wasn’t kidding when I said my wife is a real witch. She has often threatened that should I ever commit adultery, I will soon turn into a frog… a boring cliché I know, and I am sure a little inconvenient for you, but don’t worry. I have the counter spell. Just kiss me three times, I will turn back into a man and we will go enjoy a delicious breakfast downstairs”
 
 
Now my good  friend,

 

I have been hysterically kissing that goddam pile of sludge for two hours now and nothing is happening.
I’ve searched the entire room and I cannot find a trace of my car keys or clothes anywhere!
And I guess I need t to mention that I …. um… woke up wearing pink leather, assless chaps and two sterling silver n****e rings … nothing else.

Like I said, tequila and champagne.
 
I desperately need you to show up soon with two things.
A set of clothes and a really good alibi
I promise I will make it up to you, whenever this kind of thing happens to you, I am there!.
Please Hurry!

Reviews

[bluessadmood]

This is so nice and a bit funny,i really would like to come and bring some clothes and a key but I am a bit far
from where you live..but anyway I was excited about what you told ,the internet fix of the date and the Tequila
and waking up at morning with nothing on ,and prince charming though turning into a frog ,kissing him for
hours just would not help to bring him back ,I know it must be hard to find your self in such a situation
I really would have helped,only I am a little too far ha ha,I hope some way you get help and get out safely out of there
this would have made a lovely story,but you say its true ,
Lets hope it ends well,ha ha..