A Poem

An impossible love story.

I needn’t stroke your silken hair
or touch rose petal skin.
The type of love I have for you....
it burns from deep within.

While in my soul the fires rage,
and nothing is consumed.
My spirit wanders aimlessly,
from room to darkened room.

The proper words I cannot say,
to show you my great love.
Yet here I’m staring at your face,
while you look from above.

Still my heart stirs with great desire,
to reach up and touch you.
As these feelings that I’m feeling,
I know they’re in you too.

 

But you will someday think of me,
when this book you have closed.
And I am just a memory....
and not the one you chose.

Alas...
Of all that I have looked up at,
‘tis you I wished I’d known.
For yours is a breathing spirit,
and mine.... I’m just a poem.

 

A Sean Allen Poem

© 2006 D McDaniel Hayden

Reviews

[Edward James]

With 50+ reviews, I doubt I can tell you anything new or groundbreaking as far as analysis goes, so I'll say that I really do like this poem. I'm a sucker for old fashioned rhyme schemes and rhythm, and not being a visual person, for me the aural sensation of reading a poem is quite often every bit as important as the message conveyed. Saying that, I love the pulse of this piece, and the idea that a poem (whether yours or someone else's) is observing and caring for you in the same way you do it is quite pleasant. I think I may have to reevaluate some poetry after reading this.

Nice write, I look forward to reading more

Edward

[Amber Victoria Tudor]

beautiful. You have classic talent and that is definitely something to be proud of.

[T. L. O'Neal]

This is a beautiful poem in structure and rhyme. Well done - Terry

[Roberto Luciano]

Wow....

I don't have anything intelligent to say...so let's just leave it at wow.

[Krystal Waters]

Great to see you on the FEATURED POEMS! Finally someone noticed how well you write, your delicate words so wise and they way your phrase and turn and twist with each word you say that has meaning. I already commented on your poem before but I just wanted to say congrats!

[Michael Bauer]

maybe a semicolon after "but nothing is consumed"... the "my spirit..." is kind of an overthought over "consumed". and a comma after "show my love", since this is a list of impressions, and you have the "yet..." following it. swapping out the periods won't speed the flow, i think, and you want this to flow like honey, no?

check out the other lines and see if you can't re-form them into being more friendly to each other... i think it's just that you've over-thought how this is supposed to sound to the reader. it's such a conventional form, very much the kind of poetry that's been around so long, and's been turned into song and advertisement, that i think people will read this the way you thought it out. back in the 1880's this would have been very modern and punk, but now we know the beat.

mike

[Sarah Williams]

Beautifully done! I really like the idea of this poem...a sort of love triangle between reader, writer and poem. Very soft and very sweet, as well as deep and moving. The flow was smooth and free and the rythem was wonderful as well. Very nicely done...very impressive.

[Scott Casale]

Great poem! Great concept. Poetry as being a description of beauty has always been something of my delight.

[Katrina Mckeown]

This is beautiful....love the ryhming ,rythem etc!

[Gandré]

Oh, Donn! You wrote it excellent, warm and wonderfully, you make me feel good with this. I have to say to this poem, that I ve read again and found it so pleasantly classic so full love and loyality. this love mentioned in your poem has got no time.

[Francis Meyrick]

"My spirit wanders aimlessly,
from room to darkened room".
(Very nice. Great imagery.)

"Still, my soul stirs with great desire,
to reach up and touch you.
As these feelings that I�m having,
I know they�re in you too".
(very abrupt change in tempo; mmmmmm...?)

"of all that I have looked up at",
(one second while I grab my wrench.... OOOff!!! Okay, now it fits)

This was a very enjoyable read for me. Love it. The ending is great.
Sometimes the language is very simple. Nothing wrong with that. I challenge you in your next poems to weave in more complex rhymes.

Thanks for sharing.