A Poem

An impossible love story.

I needn’t stroke your silken hair
or touch rose petal skin.
The type of love I have for you....
it burns from deep within.

While in my soul the fires rage,
and nothing is consumed.
My spirit wanders aimlessly,
from room to darkened room.

The proper words I cannot say,
to show you my great love.
Yet here I’m staring at your face,
while you look from above.

Still my heart stirs with great desire,
to reach up and touch you.
As these feelings that I’m feeling,
I know they’re in you too.

 

But you will someday think of me,
when this book you have closed.
And I am just a memory....
and not the one you chose.

Alas...
Of all that I have looked up at,
‘tis you I wished I’d known.
For yours is a breathing spirit,
and mine.... I’m just a poem.

 

A Sean Allen Poem

© 2006 D McDaniel Hayden

Reviews

[Edward James]

With 50+ reviews, I doubt I can tell you anything new or groundbreaking as far as analysis goes, so I'll say that I really do like this poem. I'm a sucker for old fashioned rhyme schemes and rhythm, and not being a visual person, for me the aural sensation of reading a poem is quite often every bit as important as the message conveyed. Saying that, I love the pulse of this piece, and the idea that a poem (whether yours or someone else's) is observing and caring for you in the same way you do it is quite pleasant. I think I may have to reevaluate some poetry after reading this.

Nice write, I look forward to reading more

Edward

[Erotic Goddess]

WOW.... That is amazingly well written and beautiful to read out loud as well. Such a depth of emotion!

I LOVED IT!!!

[K. Marr]

Sean,
How deep is your well!
How tall, strong, aged are the Redwoods?

I think of great places as well as lost or imagined lovers.
Thank you.
NICE-
K.

[Elegance]

This is beautiful. An exquisite piece that was well written , it deserves far more than the five stars allotted here. You are truly talented......This poem brings on somewhat a feeling of melancholy when I read it. Perhaps, it was for the girl who obviously missed out on a great love....The love that could have been you.....Not a poem....But the real you....VERY EXCELLENT!

Five S*T*A*R*S* and Favorite....

[Inmate 72866]

Very clever poem. Very classic. I thought of Ogden Nash.

[Barry S. Maltese]

Very enjoyable. A sweet testiment to an eternal love. I enjoyed it greatly.

[John(agudwun)]

I stumbled on to this touching poem and I am very glad I did.
It shows great humility, depth of feeling and in turn abstract
and very down to earth real.
The writing is extremely well done.
Thank you for an exquisite poem.
My rating: FIVE STARS

[At Mercy!]

Wow, this was so beautiful Donn! Great Job!

[Lola Nation]

I like the focus of the first stanza - her hair, skin, her, and beauty within. Nice endings.

I love the concept of the second stanza - yet constructively would consider playing with it a little. This poem is properly written - and this paragraph seems to be more contemporary:

Yet in my soul the fires rage,
but nothing is consumed.
My spirit wanders aimlessly,
from room to darkened room.

Yet in my soul the fire is a rage
though nothing does it consume
My spirit wanders aimlessly
from room to darkened room

(eh, an idea - though, lo, however... this is less formal as the rest, but you can smack my hand and tell me to lay off the poem and I respect that too!)

I see this and would change it to: Yet here I�m looking - Yet here I am looking (unless I'm screwing up the rythm between lines which I don't mean to digress from if I've missed a meter trick) Again, you've used both language of formal and less formal - and it confuses me with which tone to read it - I hear it more like the finer writings of my life and not the free verse I have come to know.

Last constructive criticism and as a jerk, I realize that the poetic license is entirely yours - but I would suggest changing the looked up at (shouldn't end a sentence in at) -- looked upon - of all my eyes have roamed...(if you wanted to rhyme with poem) but you have done what you did from the get go which I liked, a good closing looked upon, knowledge, her spirit, and in the end you are far more than just a poem, these are lovely words to share and be given, the inspiration of such literary work should be very proud (just as the author)

thank you for sharing.

[Natase J. Hopkins]

your poem strength comes from 3 things...its profound rhythm, beauty and that fact that its relatable. It was a great read, though I am a man who enjoys love poems.