With What I Already Know (Prologue)

It's a start, every end needs a beginning.

I am honored for the fact I had the opportunity to hold this position. Not many women were wanted as nurses or doctors in Germany after many were encouraged to stay home. I was unmarried at the time, had a sincere interest in the world of medicine, and I had no children. I was twenty one years of age when it began and I had no other obligations. I was chosen by a special exception. I was handpicked after making a good impression by the Kommandant. I was also grateful for when I had heard plans of the perfect race, I'd fit in despite having darker blonde hair that would easily be mistaken for a very light brown. My eyes were blue so I knew I'd have some sort of way for fitting in. 

I had no idea of how massive such a place would be since my grandmother had described to me over letter but never sent a photograph or sketch of how it was. She gave little to no detail on what it'd be like. I had always assumed it was to be seen, not heard. Once I had stepped on the passenger train to Munich, I was anxious during most of the way. I sat next to an elderly woman who had been to a sort of place like these before. I was hopeful since she had told me well taken care of she was since she is also a nurse. I had studied nursing for four years. While I had much to learn, I didn't expect to be doing surgeries but basic check ups. I was highly involved in my studies which had taken most of my time. While other ladies were out at rambunctious parties, out with boyfriends, or other dates, I locked myself in my room in my cozy apartment at University, studying for the next exam or test. I hadn't wanted much attention from anyone from University. I was often seen as a quiet girl, often times shy as well. That hadn't bothered me.

I knew I was different from the other ladies at university. Of course, there was a lot of girls who were serious about becoming a doctor, a surgeon, or a nurse, but a lot of them slack off. I had wondered how many had even passed a mandatory quiz to see if we were really meant for this class. I wasn't sure how I did but I assumed I couldn't have done bad if I'm still in the class for a long time. I also assumed I must be doing well if I was chosen to be a nurse at some "grand establishment" as a lady who contacted me. They did not glorify the duties, however, that was expected. I still wasn't sure on what exactly I was to do once I had gotten there besides tend to men who are serving us. I knew they'd be soldiers from what the Kommandant had told me. I had vivid dreams on what some of the men would look like which I'll save for another day. When I had sat down next to the elderly lady, she seemed beholden to meet another young lady who is expectant and driven. I am, I do believe, a lady who knows what she wants.  Her face lightened up with her old, wrinkled smile been drawn ear to ear. She had to be numbering around seventy from her experiences from what I could assume. 

When I finally had  arrived, it was a matter of moments before seeing another elderly lady who had greeted me. It was my grandmother, Balthide, who was a surgeon with many years she has beneath her belt. My grandmother had gotten me into the world of medicine by telling me such stories that sounded like myths than actual facts. The stories had mystified me to no end which had inspired me. I wanted to help in any ways I could. I had dropped my luggage and ran through the mud and snow to greet her, both our arms stretched wide for an embracing hug. She had smiled even more and I knew it. After our hug, she had placed both her old, frail but careful hands on my shoulders. She didn't say anything to me but had told a man to retrieve my luggage. He smiled at me sweetly before he came over. "Excuse me, ladies." He smiled again. I smiled back to be polite. He had taken both of my suitcases which were Louis Vuitton along with a trunk full of my belongings and clothes. I had readjusted my pea coat that was made of a light material that was dark blue with black buttons that had formed a square to button up. My skirt was also light, that was just a plain black with a white button up to cover my torso. I thought I had dressed properly and to make a good impression before my future colleagues and not to distract the men from their work. 

My grandmother had asked if we were to take a tour of the workplace which I had agreed to. The SS man had followed us without hesitation. I noticed that he had brown hair, but he had big, beautiful blue eyes that looked like they captured the essence and soul of oceans. It was almost as if two pools of water with gold lacing strategically around in a curved pointed pattern. He had smiled sweetly at me again which I did return the gratitude to be polite. He had on an almost olive green uniform with insignia along with pins in his lapels. What they meant, however, I didn't know. I hadn't had known much about what it all meant since I had addressed every military man by sir or mister, which had never been a problem I suppose. We had gotten past an iron gate set into a giant gateway building that, I assumed, served as a barricade to keep track or to monitor what may be inside. There was a quiver that had descended throughout my whole body along with a sudden drop in the pit of my stomach. My grandmother was ahead of me, already through the gate as I slowly approached. The man who was carrying my luggage had placed his hand on my shoulder as if to comfort me which I had found strange since he did not know me well. It was comforting, for the moment as we both eased our way through the gate. I hadn't seen any of these, "workers" as the called them. The air was heavy but the wind was chilling. I had, at first, expected to see these barracks in rows and rows but I was wrong. I had saw a ton of administration buildings in two rows with the hospital at the head which was located down the plaza. 

My grandmother had escorted me to the hospital and told me to wait by the door with the man who had catered to us. I said nothing, a bit nervous on what to say. It wasn't long till I had made conversation by saying my name. "Hello, I'm Lyra," I said, making eye contact before going on, "how do you do?" I stretched out my hand to shake his. He put my luggage off to the side to shake mine. He even kissed my hand which had flattered me dearly. "I am Nikolas." He said, being very polite. "I am well, my lady. How are you on this chilly afternoon?"  He was very polite, almost like this had came naturally to him. I was flattered and had smiled from his kind gesture. "I'm well. It is chillier than normal, no? What part of the Deutschland are you from?" I asked. He nodded his head and bid an excuse me as he wiped his lower lip before moving on. "I'm from Bremen, and, you my lady?" He amiably, looking down at me with his imposing height. I was about five feet six inches where he had to been towering at six foot three. "I'm from Hanover. Seems the both of us aren't accustomed to the far south, no?" He smiled at the little gambol I said. He had a fair face that was certainly attractive with a long, almost perfect facial structure. He had a good sized nose that wasn't too big or too small but was kind of crooked on the right side as if it had been broken before. (Not noticeable unless I hadn't pointed it out.)  He had thick brown eyebrows that corresponded well with his soft blue eyes. He had thin lips that weren't exactly thin but they weren't exactly gigantic either. He appeared clean shaven but he had noticeable stubble around his chin and around his jaw. His stature, his imposing height, and his fortitude, he seemed to me, middle aged, but at the peak of his health from what I had gathered. My grandmother had finally let us inside to start my tour of where I'd be working for the next few months. We had toured the first floor, starting with a few nice ladies and gentleman who had greeted me with such smiles and some hugs. Nikolas stood quietly in the background when I eyed him, looking content actually. He saw me eyeing, halfway smiling at me to be polite. My grandmother had introduced me to the lot and we were off again to the second floor.

When I had gotten to my own nurses room, I was in utter amazement. I was in utter amazement at the fact I had a room already with only one hospital bed. I assumed that this may have been for minor treatments but I may be wrong. The drapes were closed which led the room to seem darker, lugubrious than what it was. The walls were all white with no decoration besides a dresser that stood in front of the only window. There was a writing desk in the corner of this L shaped room. The hospital bed was old cast and wrought iron tubed bed which the gold paint from the iron had started to chip away. On top of it was a green, thin blanket with white sheets beneath. There was also a wooden medicine cabinet with glass marked with a diamond pattern. Inside, there was an assortment of bottles and vials. I had hoped, at some point, I'd never actually have to open this cabinet. Beside the blanket, dresser, and the writing desk without a chair, the room was devoid of color. My patron, Nikolas, had also followed us upstairs and I had asked him to leave my luggage here. "The room is so... sad." I mentioned. "I get that this isn't the most happiest of places, but still, nonetheless. A place shouldn't be so sad, you know?" I asked. "I know," Nikolas had answered, quietly. He stood near the door with his hands behind his back and I had my arms crossed against my pea coat, trying to think of maybe what would be acceptable to place here. I had thought of flowers or maybe a painting or two from my own collection of flowers. I laughed at the idea but hadn't been able to ponder it much since my grandmother had came in. "Darling, my enkelin, it's almost time for supper. At this time, around five is when we, at least, sit down to enjoy each other's company. I'll meet you over there, yes?" She smiled, happily as ever with his blonde hair loose from her ponytail. "Yes," I had answered. Nikolas had picked up my luggage again and offered to escort me to the administration's gathering hall. I had a couple of questions along the way.

"Nikolas, I mean, sir..." to get his attention, "may I ask a few questions?"
He nodded yes and said yes.
"I heard this was a labor camp.... where is all the laborers?" 
He had sighed before going on, "Well... the laborers aren't meant to be seen by ladies like you."
"What does that mean?" I had said, I repeated so I did not sound offended, but curious.
"I'll be honest, they're here for a reason. Do you see the watch towers in the distance?" He said, quickly stopping, putting down a suitcase to point at them.
"I do..." I said, kind of nervous.
"Over there. Only people like me are allowed in there. Besides, no one would want a lady in there." He explained. "They are meant to work. They are not here to socialize, nor are they here for any good reward. They are here to work and that is it. The people in the towers make sure they do just as they're told." 
"Then what's the hospital for?" I asked, "I mean... do they go in there?"
"For the men like me. If one of us gets hurt on the job, then we go to the ladies and gentlemen that you saw earlier." He smiled and said it sweetly again, almost as if it was meant for me to get it and understand.
"I'm so sorry... I'm nervous. I don't want to end up working. I heard it's only a targeted group, right?"
"It is... but that is something I'd not like to discuss."
"I'm sorry..." I said, still nervous at his response as we crept closer to the gathering hall for administration.
"It's okay. Just do as you are told, and you got no problems. I assure you. I promise." He said, looking me dead in the eyes. I felt somewhat comforted. He seemed sincere, he appeared to have such honesty with me that it was hard not to believe him. He graced me with another amiable, unfeigned look upon his face.

He had opened the door for me which I had blushed a little at since I felt heat fluster in my cheeks. I had asked if he had wanted to put the luggage down, which he did say yes. He put it in a little storage closet and had led me into the crowd of people. It was rather nice for a camp gathering hall. It wasn't large, but it wasn't too small. There was a large table made of wood that was very clean, polished that was placed in the middle of the hall. Off to the sides, there was rows of other wooden tables with red cushioned seats around them. It was spacious, but inviting which I found ironic since there was a forced labor camp after all. There was a few people at one of the tables where Nikolas had led me. I saw my grandmother at another table with a mug of coffee in her hands. She had been making idle conversation with other nurses. I stood here politely until Nikolas was finished discussing things with his fellow colleagues who were also decorated in olive green uniforms and berets or whatever you called them. He looked to me as I began to speak, "I think I'm going to go see the other doctors, if that is okay." I had said. He nodded his head, "Wait! I want to introduce you to Bernd, Marcel, and Backer. They're around my age and they are also very friendly. They will also help you get around the Administration area if I can't." He said, hand gesturing to who is who. I had waved hello and a guten tag from the gentlemen. He let me leave, at that moment, where I had been introduced to my own colleagues. There wasn't a lot of us, which I suppose was a good thing. I was clearly the youngest one here. The second youngest was Sophie who was a few years older than me. She must have went to a different University since I hadn't seen her before. I was hoping I had made a decent impression since I hadn't received my nurses uniform but only spoke when I was spoken to. I wanted to get to know these ladies and few gentlemen since I was to work with them.