No Guppies Aloud

That internal light

 Essential smell

 Hateful delight

 Addictive fear

 

That permanent hope

 Prominent urge

 Phenomenal touch

 Unconceivable smile

That, that isn't mine

 

That for taking lust

 Unforgivable wanting

 Unmistakable hurt

 Incapable outcome

 Eternal waiting

 

That lasting stare

That, that isn't said

 Never ending torture

That, that will never be mine.

Reviews

[Li Li]

This could be more powerful if you took out all the "that"'s. Leave it just free thoughts.... I have found as a writer... the word "that" is a useless word. It can usually ALWAYS be taken out and still have meaning.

Write it out such as:

Internal light
Essential smell
Hateful delight
Addictive fear

Permanent hope
Prominent urge
Phenomenal tough
Unconceivable smile
That isn't mine

It gives the poem a more straightforward feel..... says exactly what it is....

Otherwise, great start! :O}

Bless.