These cuts won't mend, goodbye my friend

That's not based on reality, fortunately all of my friends are safe and in perfect health :) Just got inspired (read author's note)

These cuts won't mend,

goodbye my friend,

rest in peace,

ignore my tears.

I won't forget you

or the times i told you:

"brothers are forever",

I'll see you in heaven.

We were closer than twins,

never playing in opponent teams,

my mind, you loved reading,

I got so used, i stopped speaking.

A part of me is gone

there's nothing that can be done,

a river of tears i cried for you,

i wish i had died instead of you.

Author's Note

I was reading my read requests and, i don't know even why, i read two of the titles i had (and still have) to read together (These cuts won't mend / Goodbye my friend) and i found out they actually fit very well together, they gave me a lot of ideas, so i let them inspire me and i wrote this poem, what do you think about it?

Reviews

[Gomer LePoet]

A good piece that I see is beginning to take you on a journey that lets your heart do the speaking. I would however, give some thought to what BLBrown below has offered. Flow is always important no matter what method of writing you use.
have a great day Dom. Salute' :)

[MandaBear]

Very good. It speaks to the heart and pulls the strings. Its cool that you got it from 2 different poems very inspirational. great job!

[To be scene To be heard..]

nice flow this is a really good write

[David Kwaku]

inspiring and emotional piece of poetry, everything fits in place to give it a nice continuous flow

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

Nice inspiration, nice poem, nice words of feelings in this. I really like this, it's touching.

[Brittany]

Well done. I agree those lines fit and I like what you did with it.

[Coyote Poetry]

A sad and powerful poem. In life. Some people we become closer with and feel more pain when they are lost. Good emotion caused by the excellent poem and thoughts.
Coyote

[BLBrown]

I think it's a good write. You do a good job of saying goodbye. The last stanza I think flows the best:

a river of tears i cried for you,
i wish i had died instead of you.

I would say, if you want a poem that flows, I would work on the rhyme more, perhaps softer and less forced (i.e., "peace," "tears") don't really work together. You might want to be consistent as well, depending on how you want this to end up, in terms of cadence, syllables, etc.. Along those lines, I always tell myself, either rhyme all or none, never partial rhyme unless that is part of the structure. Lastly, I would avoid ending multiple sentences with the same word.

Food for thought.
Good job.

[The Pain Stays Fresh]

Very sad. I love the intense emotion in this. Awesome write.

[Leslie Philibert]

Another good one from Dominic, as the other reviewers note, a real cracker of a last verse.