The fault in our stars (translation below)

Implodam-se todas as malditas estrelas

Que insistem em declarar entre nos 

Uma guerra que não quero combater.

De que vale-me meu infeliz zodiaco

Se de teu coração fecha-me a entrada?

Deixe que com um devoto beijo

Despoje-me do signo que te é tão hostil.

Conceda-me o brilho dos teus olhos

E de outras estrelas não necessitarei.

Acolhe-me em teus braços e

No teu corpo desenharei

O meu novo mapa astral.

Mais benefica é pra mim a tua voz

Que qualquer alinhamento planetario,

Mais querido o teu carinho

Que qualquer astrologico milagre.

Implodam-se todas as estrelas pois

Es tu meu signo, lua e ascendente.

(English translation)

May all those cursed stars, that

Insist in declaring between us

A war I don't want to fight, implode.

What is my miserable zodiac worth

If it closes me the entry to your heart?

Let me with a devoted kiss

Undress me of this sign that is so hostile to you.

Give me the brightness of your eyes

And I won't need any other star.

Welcome me in your arms and

On your body I will draw

My new astrological chart.

More beneficial is to me your voice

Than any planetary alignment,

Dearer your affection

Than any astrological miracle.

May all the stars implode as

It's you my sign, moon and ascendant.    

Author's Note

I have recently fallen in love. Apparently my zodiac sign and hers are completely incompatible. Unfortunately she believes in the stars. Here is my view on the matter ...

Reviews

[Jacob Clifford]

I'm not good at critiquing poetical things, but I will say simply that I love your work here. I also agree with your message here. Why should a star sign determine if two people end up together? What difference does the month of your birth make? Love is more important than zodiac signs if you ask me.

[外人 (Gaijin)]

Thank you so much ! A poetry critique is nice but a good empathic feedback is way better so thanks for your kind words :)

[barleygirl]

This is an adorable love story, both your poem & the author's note reveal. The strongest part is the way you pick the "stars" analogy & then stick to it, using a whole sky full of astrological terms thru-out. This is so playful & loving -- it shows instead of telling. One of my favorite lines:
"On your body I will draw my new astrological chart" -- & I'm jealous of your bilingual talents! May the stars always be aligned for you two. (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[外人 (Gaijin)]

Thank you so much ! :D
I'm afraid, though, the stars are completely hostile to us. Apparently our signs are just not meant to be which triggers in me a natural hatred towards astrology right now ...
I'm really happy you enjoyed it :D Thank you so much for reading and commenting !!

[Yari Garcia (Older Prof..]

Thanks for sending me this read request. I really enjoyed reading this poem, especially after reading the Author's Note.

You have expressed yourself very creatively in what is a very unfortunate situation. I hope everything works out for you two.

Yari

[外人 (Gaijin)]

Thank you so much ! I hope the same and I have hope. It would just be helpful if I didn’t feel like everything and everyone were against me :/

[Relic]

This is amazing to read. You are VERY good. :)

[外人 (Gaijin)]

Thank you very much indeed ! :)

[lightsong]

I really don't know how You could turn Your problem into a really wonderful poem! I could feel Your imploring so tenderly and clearly, Your gentle yearning and soft wanting, I think You really did great work in such an interesting theme, and I don't think it was easy writing it, BTW, was it Spanish, the language above?

All I can do is wish You both the very very best!

[外人 (Gaijin)]

Thank you so much for your kind words, my friend !! :D I’m afraid that my best poems come out of suffering lol Some time ago I was extremely happy ... that resulted in me losing pretty much my inspiration and disappearing from writerscafe ahahahahah
Regarding the original language, you came really close ! That’s Portuguese :)

[lightsong]

Oh! I so understand!! but I'm so sure one day the amount of Your happiness will shine into words, and I pray so soon*
I thought it was similar to Spanish and Italian, but I knew it wasn't either! ah Portuguese, how lovely, and You know Japanese too!! just how wonderful!

[apennylate]

That is the English translation...?!?! I can barely handle ONE language... This is simply astounding... Your handle on turn of phrase and relatability is superb... My miserable zodiac sign is worth... A beautiful write...

[外人 (Gaijin)]

Thank you so much !!!! Yep, I swear it’s a translation, I originally conceived this in Portuguese :) You mentioned relatability, can I ask you if you had a similar experience? I would love to know :)

[apennylate]

Welp... Essentially... I mean that the words you use, and your stylistic approach at presenting it... It has a way about it that the average person would enjoy, hence "relatability"... As for personal relatability... I am never one for the signs saying anything, so it was a nice time seeing *More beneficial is to me your voice
Than any planetary alignment,
Dearer your affection
Than any astrological miracle.*

[apennylate]

Bang-up job, mate... I do not think I will be writing anything in dual language anytime soon, hah...

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked the use of the two languages. I liked the positive energy of your words and the hope for love blessing.
"Welcome me in your arms and
On your body I will draw
My new astrological chart."
The above lines. Amazing and perfect. Thank you my friend for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[外人 (Gaijin)]

Thank you, my friend, for your kind review :D I really appreciate !

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure and you are welcome.