Reborn house

Reborn house

A Poem by 外人 (Gaijin)
"

Just felt to write it after coming back home :)

"
Summer holiday's
end: 'house reborn like our feel-
ing of belonging.

© 2012 外人 (Gaijin)


Author's Note

外人 (Gaijin)
ok, so in order to keep on the 5-7-5 syllable scheme I had to do two things I hated to do:
1) cut the "The" at " 'house " in the second verse
2) split the word "feeling" (first half in the second verse, second half in the third one)
so ... love or hate it (honesty !) ?

My Review

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Reviews

Interesting as always. Great job

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

It speaks a lot. And I know what you mean by your author's note sometimes, things bug us when we have to write a certain way, I know it bugs me sometimes. Good write.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

made perfect sense to me and delivered the intention with pin point accuracy....
what's not to like?

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

外人 (Gaijin)

12 Years Ago

feel-ing split xD Hated to do that
quinfinn

12 Years Ago

it's fine...roll ...with it, or......improve it....you have plenty of talent
外人 (Gaijin)

12 Years Ago

Thanks =D
Great use of words. A complete poem with meaning in so few words. A excellent poem.
Coyote

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like it! It's difficult sometimes to fit everything you want to express into a haiku, but it seems as though you've succeeded!

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Good work - compressed wisdom !

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lovely Concise

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Yeah it really is good. I love haikus. I will have to add some of mine

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

well its nice

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Really good! It's like weird to read it out loud but it's still cute :) haha

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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208 Views
10 Reviews
Rating
Added on September 1, 2012
Last Updated on September 1, 2012
Tags: Haiku, Poetry

Author

外人 (Gaijin)
外人 (Gaijin)

London, United Kingdom



About
Why do I call myself 外人? 外人 is a foreigner, an outsider, therefore we're all, no matter what, 外人. We all live as foreigners in-between two worlds: The wor.. more..

Writing