Made of Glass Chapter 25

We're all just glass dolls.

In bed that night I laid with my eyes closed trying to fall asleep but it was difficult with Eddie’s arm around my waist.

I finally gave up and turned to him.

“What is it?” he whispered.

“Do you ever think we’ll get married?” I said thoughtfully.

He looked shocked for a second.

“Not that I want to. Not now of course. I have to at least be able to drink at my wedding. It’s just that we never talk about the future. I mean how is this going to work for more than three years?”

“Why won't it work in three years?”

"Because then I’ll be older than you.”

“No, Dolly you forget I’m over eighty years your senior.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“What difference will it make what you look like. You’ll be the same person.”

“How about when I die?” He face fell “Yeah mortality. It’s a b***h.”

“If we make through what sixty or seventy years together, I don’t see any reason I have to keep going by myself,” he said shrugging.

“You can't just kill yourself!” I said propping myself up onto one elbow to get a better look at him. He seemed unphased.

“Why not? I think I’ve lived long enough.”

“What about your family?”

“What about them?” Wow, he was stubborn.

“They’ll miss you!”

“They can't have everything! Immortality, money, beauty. They have to get short changed somewhere.”

“That’s horrible reasoning.”

“You know there is a very easy solution to this whole problem but I take it you don’t want to go that route.”

I suppose I could just become a vampire. Join Eddie in all his beautifulness. Be a Cullen for eternity. It was an option.

No. I just didn’t like that plan very much.

“No thank you. Isn’t there anyway you could join me on this side?”

“It’s not like a tattoo that you can get removed when you get tired of it.”

“Surly someone has looked into it before.” I said pushing further.

“Many people actually and they all come to one conclusion. It’s a one way trip.”

“Humph. That puts us in a pickle. We should have thought about this more before we just jumped into all this.”

“If you’re having second thoughts . . .” Eddie said joking.

I laid back down considering the options. “No I can't. I promised Carlisle I wouldn’t leave you.”

“You did what?” Eddie said shocked.

“Don’t complain. He’s on our side now because of it.”

“I’m not complaining . . .” Eddie said smiling. He was just surprised that I would say something like that. He didn’t think I was really ready for a serious commitment yet. Which I wasn’t. I wasn’t even close. Clearly since I had so much trouble saying it this afternoon. Yet I had said it. My reasoning on this subject was all screwy. I couldn’t think through this logically in Eddie’s arms like this.

“And what’s so bad about becoming a vampire?” Eddie asked.

What was it that I had against it all? It didn’t seem like there were any draw backs. At least not the way the Cullens did it. And I would get Eddie. He could substitute for heaven.

Wait! There it was. Heaven. Such optimistic thinking. It wasn’t like me.

“I want to die,” I answered Eddie.

“What?!” he didn’t like that.

"Not right now but someday. I want to see what comes next. You know me well enough to understand I can't be in one place for too long. And eternity is a very long time to be in one place.”

“You think you would get bored?”

“Maybe. Who’s to say what I would be like in a couple thousand years? It’s more like curiosity. If we were meant to live forever we would have been made like trees.”

“You want to go to heaven?” Eddie said trying to understand.

“I hear great things about it.”

“So you think we're all damned?”

“No, of course not. I think eventually the earth was explode. Or is it the sun? Either way all life in the galaxy will be destroyed and then you’ll get to join me in the next part!” I said hopefully.

“It doesn’t seem like we get to have a very happy ending,” Eddie said.

“That’s alright. The beginning and middle should be pretty good.”

“I think the beginning has been more than pretty good.”

“So you’d like me to be a vampire, eh?” I said teasingly but his answer would mean a lot more than I let on to me.

“I have thought about it. I could handle eternity with you, I think,” That was a decent answer “But I’m not sure about the whole damned part. It’s all a tossup to me. A lifetime would be good enough for me as well. It’s what most people get and I don’t want to be greedy. Basically whatever you want to do. It’s really your decision in the end.”

That was a very good answer. I hugged Eddie closer to me. Really it was more like I hugged myself closer to him because he wasn’t going to be the one moving. I breathed in his intoxicating scent. It brought to mind another thing I had been wondering about.

“Can we ever have sex?” I asked point blank.

That really made him do a double take.

“Is that something that vampires do? Does it work the same way?” I clarified my wonderings.

“Uh, I don’t know,” he said sounding uncomfortable.

Sometimes I forget that Eddie was raised in a different century where they were taught sex was something sacred and not just a good time.

“You don’t know how sex works?” I teased. So I was being a little merciless. I liked to watch him squirm. I think he actually blushed.

“I don’t know if we could ever . . .”

“Relax, Eddie. I’m not saying let’s get it on right now! I just want to know if we ever could.”

“Vampires do . . . have sex,” he stumbled over the word. “It’s mostly the same I guess but I don’t know if it’s something we would ever be able to do?”

“Why not?”

Eddie looked around the room like he was trying to find some sort of help from the bare walls. “You saw in the meadow what happens when I don’t pay attention. I have to be on my toes whenever I’m around you. I think sex would be a little . . .”

“Distracting?” I suggested.

“Distracting,” he agreed.

“But like in ten years when you’ve become desensitized?”

“I’m not sure that’s ever going to happen,” he said disappointed. “It’s not just your scent. If I got too caught up I could snap you in half on accident. It’s really much to physical for someone so fragile as you.”

“That’s the pits.”

Eddie looked at me like he had another question but didn’t know if he should ask it.

“What?” I urged him on.

“Have you . . .” he couldn’t finish.

I giggled. He was such a gentlemen. I loved it. “No, I have this thing against people touching me remember.”

“You don’t seem to mind this,” he said sliding one cold hand up and down my arm.

“You’re not people,” I reminded him. “And you?”

“No, of course not.”

“What do you mean of course not? Why would that be such a stretch for you? You could have any girl you wanted,”

“I was taught it was something you saved for the one person you spend your life with.”

“You’re waiting for that special lady?”

“I was.”

“What? You changed your mind?”

‘No, I found her.”

“Whoa. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.”

It was my turn to be uncomfortable. Eddie was going to be as unmerciful with me as I was with him.

“You were contemplating eternity with me a second ago. Or at least a life time.”

“That was purely hypothetical. Like if it works out what’ll we do. It’s not a sure thing yet. I don’t think we’re quite ready for that sort of talk.”

"No, you’re not ready for that sort of thing. I’m more than ready.”

“Oh really? Why don’t we just bounce on down to Las Vegas and seal the knot right now?”

“Alright,” Eddie said sitting up and pulling me off the bed.

“I was just kidding!” I screeched.

“See what I mean?”

“But I promised Carlisle . . .” I said like that was supposed to make me ready to go get married right this second.

“I can understand why you’d be hesitant to dive into a permanent relationship. You don’t really know what it means to have a stable relationship. As tough as the unbreakable image you’re putting off is, you’re still made of glass like the rest of us. My little glass dolly. And people have stepped on you and thrown you to the wolves so many times that it’s like you’ve been shattered into a million little pieces. I’m amazed every moment of everyday that you’ve managed to glue yourself back to together but the cracks are still there. It’s a lot to ask but I’m a very patient man. You’ll come around. I’ve had a long time to wonder what this would be like. I can tell when it’s real."

“All things considered I think you’ve been doing a fabulous job,” He beamed proudly at me.

It stunned me that one man could know me so well. Maybe he really could read my mind . . .

Still I didn’t think I was doing a very good job. I felt like I was on a precipice of something and swinging my arms wildly trying to stay on the edge. I knew I couldn’t stay there for long. I was going to have to fall to one side or the other eventually.

But for now. I was doing a pretty fabulous job.

I pulled Eddie back down toward me and closed my eyes. “But still no sex?”

He chuckled.

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[Summer]

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