Made of Glass Chapter 19

I just had to do the meadow scene. I think it's a pretty big part of the book. Kind of a long chapter but some cool stuff happens. Plus some near death experiences. Always a treat.

The next morning I made sure that I was more graceful when I woke up but Eddie didn’t surprise me again. I got ready and walked to class very disappointed. I rushed through my lab. Usually I was very careful and observant about everything I did but this time I just needed to be done with it. In the end it didn’t turn out exactly the way it should have but I didn’t really care. I got done in record time and half ran back to the bar. I was worried that I had been so quick getting done that Eddie wouldn’t be there but his Volvo waited for me in the back of the bar’s parking lot. He sat in the front seat with his eyes close bobbing his head slightly. I gathered he was listening to music. He looked so content I didn’t want to disturb him but that feeling was fleeting. We needed to get this show on the road!

I had the pleasure of surprising him when I yanked the door open. He had been so deep in concentration when listening to his music he hadn’t heard my approach. I think it was the first time that had ever happened. Quite possibly the last as well. I relished this fact despite his irritation that I had caught him off guard.

“So where are we going?” I asked as he pulled out of the parking lot.

“You’ll see,” he was very happy that he had regained the upper hand by controlling the afternoon.

I couldn’t guess where we were headed as we drove away from the campus area. He seemed to be heading away from civilization to the wilderness.

I clenched the seat with both hands to prevent myself from bouncing up and down in anticipation.

“Oh come one!” I finally burst. “Just give me a little hint!”

“It’s just a little place I like to go when it’s nice out. Away from people so I can completely be myself.”

“Oh so it’s like your special place? Where you go to be alone?”

“It used to be where I’d go to be alone,” he looked at me smiling.

I liked that.

We finally pulled over to the side of the road at a place that looked exactly the same as the rest of the road we had been driving on for the last fifteen minutes. There was thick forest on both sides.

I looked at him questioning. “How can you know where to go?”

“Vampire senses,” he said tapping the side of his nose. “This way.”

He took my hand and lead me into the wood.

“I didn’t wear the right shoes for hiking,” I complained. “Maybe if you had told me a little more about where we were going I could have come better prepared.”

“Do you own any other shoes?” he said looking down at my worn down flats.

“Yes,” I also had the pair of heels I wore for work not that that would help at all but he didn’t need to know that.

“It’s not a long way. You’ll be fine.”

He walked ahead of me leading confidently and holding stray branches out of the way for me or giving me a little support whenever the terrain got really tough. We laughed and chattered easily the entire time. It seemed my questions about his world would be never ending.

“Why do your eyes change color? Are your eyes lighter when you’re in a good mood?”

They were certainly very bright today and he was practically bubbling.

“No, they get darker as we get . . . hungrier.”

“Oh you just get crabby when you’re hungry. Another thing we have in common.”

“I don’t get crabby,” he disputed.

“Uh-huh.” I said placating.

It continued on like this for a good long while. I knew that he lied to me about an hour into the hike. It was definitely a long way.

“Are we there yet?” I said melodramatically.

“Not yet,” he smirked.

“Couldn’t you just voosh me the rest of the way?”

“Voosh you?”

“Really this hike would probably take you like ten minutes if you weren’t dragging me along.”

“But where’s the fun in that?”

“No where! There is no fun in hiking!” This was basically a complete lie. I was having a great time.

Eddie clearly understood that. He just smiled at me.

“Okay so enlighten me. What is the wonder of the great outdoors?” I said when he didn’t reply.

He turned to face me directly with his eyes shining. “Look at everything there is around you. This place is teaming with life. The birds and the squirrels and little foxes. All the sounds and smells. There is so much happening and it all occurs in balance. The predators hunt and the prey escapes and the plants grow. And all of it continues on nobody taking too much for themselves. Just surviving like God intending them too.”

I was thoroughly impressed by his little speech. “I had no idea you were such a tree hugger.”

“I’m just impressed by all nature is capable of. Besides after being in people’s heads day after day the silence out here is relaxing.”

“You can't shut it off?”

“No never. It’s always there,” he said continuing onward along the path he was forging.

“Even way the hell out here?”

“It’s quieter out here. It’s more like whispering but it’s still there. A lot better than being in the city though,”

“So you hang out in a busy bar full of college kids? Are you punishing yourself or something?”

“It’s more like testing my limits. When I first started Carlisle’s special diet I would hang out in the busiest places I could find just focusing on not lunging at people’s carotid arteries. It was good practice.”

“Do you still have to do that? Practice, I mean?”

“Not really. It’s really second nature most of the time now. Except with you.”

“Why not with me?”

“I told you. You’re heroin for me.”

“I’m harder for you to be around than other people?”

“Much much harder. You smell so much . . . sweeter than other people. You can't really imagine considering you’ve never been addicting to any illegal substances.” He looked over his shoulder at me with a questioning look.

I ignored the implication. “Why is that? Should I stop eating so much sugar?”

He laughed louder than I was used to at that joke. He was so easy out here.

“No that wouldn’t help. We have a word for someone who has your sort of pull on one of us: La tua cantante.”

“Is that Italian?”

“Yes, it means singer because your blood sings to me. It’s kind of cheesy but the people who make these things up are ancient.” 

“So it’s normal. For someone to smell like me?”

“I asked the rest of my family about it. Jasper is the only one who said he had ever experienced anything like it.”

“What happened with his?”

Eddie paused and looked back at me answering my question without saying a word.

“Oh.” I swallowed looking at what we were doing alone out here in the wilderness with a different eye.

“It was back before he had joined us. He was enjoying the normal vampire diet a lot longer than any of the rest of us.”

I chewed these new details over in my mind.

I was curious about one more thing but was afraid to ask it. Well I would have to know eventually. Actually it’s best if I knew right now.

“So have you . . . .” how did Eddie put it “enjoyed the normal vampire diet?” I said quietly.

He didn’t answer right away. In fact he didn’t say anything for so long if it was anyone else I would have thought he didn’t hear me. But even though I posed my question quietly I was sure he had picked it up.

“When I was very young. Just starting out as a vampire,” he said sounding ashamed.

I ran forward a few steps till I was walking up alongside him. I tried to catch his eye, imploring that he expand without me having to ask but he wouldn’t look at me.

Finally he continued. “It was several years after Carlisle had changed me. I had never yet tasted human blood. I could only imagine what it was like because Carlisle had me on such a firm leash. He wasn’t about to let his creation become a monster. I resented him for taking my choice away from me. I thought I was better than any of the others because I could choose my victims more carefully. Like if I killed someone who was about to rape this young woman it was alright. Since I could read their minds I felt it justified my actions somehow.” He spared a peek over at me.

I wanted to look like I understood what it was like for him but there really was no way I could understand. I was actually a little horrified that this wonderful man next to me was actually a murderer. I don’t know if my face portrayed my thoughts but eventually he continued on.

“My rebellious streak didn’t last for very long. For some reason I started to feel guilty. I have met so many vampires that have taken thousands of human lives and don’t feel the slightest bit of regret. But for me every time I took a life it weighed that much more heavily on my shoulders. Maybe it’s because I saw their thoughts as they were dying. That can take a lot out of you. Eventually I found my way back to Carlisle and he welcomed me with open arms, not that I deserved it, and helped me get back on the path. I haven't slipped from it since.” He looked at me again worried. “Maybe I should have told you about this before we took this little field trip.” He sounded so sad. I understood why he was telling me all this. He needed to get it off his chest. Confession always did a world of good.

“I get it. You needed to make the decision on your own rather than having Carlisle make it for you. What matters is that you did make the right decision,” I said the right words but I wasn’t sure if I believed them.

I was alone in the woods with a monster. Someone who kills people to survive. Shouldn’t I have been more afraid? Shouldn’t I have been more disgusted? I felt a little ashamed of myself that I didn’t care more. I just loved Eddie too much to care about those other bad people he had killed.

I surprised myself when I used the “L” words in my thoughts. But I suddenly realized it was true. That’s why I didn’t care more. I was in love with him.

I wrapped my hands around his arm. “So why do you come to the bar if you don’t need to practice anymore? I’m sure it’s not for people watching” I changed the subject recalling one of our first conversations.

He let out a rush of air. “I still need to practice getting through the thoughts. The cravings are easier to ignore than hundreds of people crammed in my head. I thought for a long time I would be able to teach myself to shut it off but I gave up on that. Now I just practice tuning it out. Trying to read a book in a busy place is a lot more difficult for me than you can imagine. I am getting better though. Plus I didn’t want to be hanging around at my house. That was much too difficult. Of course that was only my original excuse. I come for different reasons now. Oh here it is!” he said gesturing to a ray of light spilling through a gap in the trees. I released his arm and sprinted forward a couple more steps. I emerged past the last of the trees into the most gorgeous little clearing I had ever been in. Wild flowers coated the ground and swayed gently back and forth in unison with the breeze. I let the sun spill out onto my skin and closed my eyes as I soaked in the warmth.

I turned around to find Eddie but he was still back in the shade of the trees.

“Are you coming?” I asked giddy.

He took one deliberate step into the sunlight.

I immediately giggled. “You look like a Christmas tree!” He didn’t burst into flames instead every spot the sun directly hit his skin it threw off tiny rays of light like he was made out of a thousand glittering diamonds.

“Thanks so much,” he said sarcastically.

“That was a compliment!” I said backtracking afraid I had hurt his feelings.

“Uh huh. Sure,” he didn’t buy it.

“No really! Christmas trees are beautiful! And they have presents under them, usually and happiness and candy canes!” I tried to convince him.

It was difficult for either one of us to be angry in each other’s company. He couldn’t help but smile at my ridiculous explanation. I was glad that my thoughtless observation was easily forgotten. He was still hanging out on the edge of the forest so I skipped over to him and grabbed his hand pulling him further into the sunlight. I held his hand close to my face and tried to see the facets that threw off all the little rainbows.

“How?” I asked mesmerized.

He shrugged. “There have been few vampire studies, but we are an awful lot like rocks.”

“I once had a pet rock. Trust me, you’re a thousand times better.”

“A pet rock? Are you so unusual you can't have a dog or gold fish like normal kids?”

I dropped his hand and turned away from him so he wouldn’t see my face as painful memories surfaced due to his words. I skipped further into the meadow trying to make my movements look lighter than I felt. It didn’t work.

“I’m sorry, Dolly. That was thoughtless.”

I turned back to him smiling. “Maybe you’ll have to buy me one since you’re rebuilding my childhood for me!” I laughed. But then turned serious. “I was just kidding I don’t want a dog. Don’t get me a dog,” I was sure he would if I sincerely asked him to. “Maybe a tiger but not a dog. Too much work.”

He laughed with me glad that the damage hadn’t been irreversible. I plopped down onto the soft ground thinking about how similar we were. Two people with seriously messed up pasts. We really did belong together.

Eddie followed my example and gracefully sank to the ground next to me. I glared at him.

“What?” he didn’t understand my jealousy.

“I’m curious,” I said ignoring his question.

“Of course you are.”

“Is there anything you can't do a thousand times better than every other human?”

“Of course,” he said like it was a ridiculous question.

“Oh really? Like what?"

“Perhaps you’ve noticed my status as the official outcast of all society?” he said playfully.

“Well that’s just because they’re in awe of you.”

“They don’t think the same way as you do, Dolly. I can guarantee it. They know there’s something wrong with me and they’re scared of it. It’s really just good instincts. Maybe you just lack all of those.”

“But they don’t know you very well. I’m sure if they talked to you they would get past that.”

“How long have we been friends, Dolly? And still your other friends at the bar who see me every day don’t so much as say hello to me in passing.”

“Huh. All this time I thought it was because you hated people that you stayed in your pariah state.”

“No that’s you. Actually compared to other vampires we are very involved in the human world.”

“How could anyone be less involved than you guys. You never talked to anyone."

“Most others are nomads. Wandering around without a home, possessions or destination just looking for their next meal. And they don’t travel together either. Either alone or with their partner. It is extremely rare to find even three vampires together. Unless of course you’re more like our family.”

“Doesn’t sound like much fun.”

“I don’t think so but there must be some appeal for them otherwise there wouldn’t be so many doing it.”

“Are there a lot of others?”

“Not really. Not too many people can stop themselves from draining a human after they bite them so creating our kind is rather difficult. If you consider that none of us die naturally you would think that our numbers would run rampant but Volturi see to it that we stay inconspicuous.”

“What’s a Volturi?”

“They are a family. Something like royalty for vampires. They enforce the laws for our kind.”

“Laws?”

“There aren’t a lot. Mainly we just have to keep our existence a secret.”

“Yeah I guess you’d have to have someone for that,” I said wondering at the dynamics involved in keeping an entire race of people secret.

“They are the only non-vegetarian vampires that I know of that can live together in a large group making them incredibly powerful.”

“So what makes you so different from the rest of them. Why is it that you don’t feel the same desires as the others and can live the way you do?”

“I think it has more to do with nurture over nature. It’s the way Carlisle has raised us. I mean what are the chances that Carlisle found the only four people in all the world that were willing to live this way and changed them. Who’s to say how I would have turned out if I wasn’t created by him. Maybe I’d be a red-eyed monster and you’d be dead.”

“The others have red eyes?” latching on to the most inconsequential fact in his little rant.

“It’s how you can distinguish us from them. If we feed even the slightest amount of human blood we lose our golden color.” He batted his long eye lashes at me. “It’s a good way to make sure that none of us are cheating.” He joked easily about killing people. “Or to know when we’re angry. If we ever get in a high emotional state they’ll flash red. It happens when we’re feeding too. I don’t know why but it’s safe to say that if you ever see a vampire with red eyes you should run the other way.”

“So you guys are the only ones? In the whole world that live the way you do?”

“It’s hard to say. We don’t stay in contact with any other of our kind but last time we checked there was another smaller coven like ours living somewhere in Alaska. I met them once but found them a good deal less civilized than Carlisle. I’m not sure they’ve remained . . . . clean this long.”

“What do you mean four? Carlisle didn’t make all of you?” I wasn’t sure if he could follow my chaotic line of questioning. There were so many questions rushing through my head I had to start making lists to try and remember them all.

Eddie was very patient in all his answers though.

“No, Alice found Jasper using her gift.”

“Gift?”

“Didn’t I mention, she can see the future.”

“Whoa! That’s way cooler than mind reading!”

He grunted and continued with his story “She saw where she belonged and waited for Jasper to come along and find her then they set off to find Carlisle.”

“So can she see everyone’s future or just her own?”

“Anyone within her range just like me and their thoughts.”

“So did she see my future when I met her that one time? Or am I a mute in the future department as well.”

“Actually she didn’t see anything but she wasn’t really trying either. She was a little ticked that you just popped up at our doorstep,” Eddie chuckled.

I pondered that over. What was it that made me such a freak? Maybe I was going to die one of these days and that’s why I had no future. But that didn’t explain the thoughts. I definitely have a lot of thoughts zooming around my head no matter how hard I try. Oh well I wasn’t going to figure it out today. I had too many questions to dwell on just that one.

“But Carlisle made the rest of you?”

“Right starting with me. At first he was against bringing any others of our kind into the world given our usually evil nature but he was very lonely when he couldn’t find anyone to share his ideals with. He found me first. I was dying of the Spanish influenza in New York. He had been working as a doctor taking care of my whole family. He knew both my parents. He knew they were good people and that they had already died so he thought I would be a good candidate. Nobody was going to miss me. After he saw that he could create more of us without making monsters he was more open to the idea. Then he met Esme. She had fallen off a cliff and was on the brink of death. I was with him when he found her. I think he fell in love right on the spot.”

“That’s sweet. Vampire love,” I said.

“Actually it was very sweet. Right up till the agonizing pain part.”

"Who was next?” I asked for more.

Eddie blushed. “He found Rosalie next. She was on her own dying in some alley. He thought it would be a waste for someone so beautiful to die so young. I found out later he had been searching for someone I could be with the way he was with Esme.”

I heard my quick intake of breath. Rosalie had been meant for Eddie. I had never met her before but I was sure I couldn’t compete with her if she was a vampire.

“She wasn’t the one for me though,” Eddie said putting my worries to rest. “And I wasn’t the one for her. She found Emmett shortly after. Carried him back to Carlisle for miles and miles because she was afraid she couldn’t do it herself. And that completes the family. Everyone’s all paired off nicely living exactly the kind of lives they want.”

“Except for you,” I inserted.

“I was very unhappy for quite a while. It’s not easy being the seventh wheel. I feel a little guilty about taking my frustrations out on my family. It wasn’t their fault that they were all too busy being happy in each other’s company. They did try to include me and cheer me up but I was too busy being miserable to play along.”

“Was? Like you’re done with that now?”

He smiled down at me. “That all changed when you walked into the bar and your smell hit me like a wrecking ball. I was so angry with you that day because it felt like you were taunting me to ruin everything.” He pitched his voice up higher in what I assumed was an imitation of me. Only it sound nothing like me, I was sure “Just have a taste. I’m so delicious. Nobody’ll care here if you ruin everything for your family.”

I giggled at how ridiculous he was being and shoved him playfully. “That’s not what I was like.”

“It’s what it seemed like to me. You just wouldn’t leave me alone because of that stupid bet with Ashley. I was so wrapped up in your fantastic scent that I wasn’t paying any attention to Ashley’s thoughts and had no idea why you were torturing me so.” He let out a hoot of laughter.

I had to agree that day had been a little ridiculous.

“So are you questioned out yet?” Eddie said after he had stopped laughing.

“Not even close. But I suppose it’s your turn. No need for me to be the only nosy one.”

Eddie sat a little straighter excited by the proposition.

“If you could live in any place in the world where would choose?”

That wasn’t exactly the kind of question I was expecting. “How long would I have to live there?” I asked for clarification.

“Umm I don’t know. For the rest of  your life.”

I grimaced. I didn’t like living in one place for the rest of my life.

“A yacht,” I said finding the loop hole in his question.

“That’s not a place,” he said upset that I wasn’t playing along.

“Yes it is. It’s so a place. I would hate to have to go through the same motions day after day for my entire life. I need to be able to travel. On a yacht I can see the world.”

“Alright I’ll take that. When you were younger what did you want to be when you grew up,”

“A superhero. Of course I always knew that was somewhat unrealistic. So doctor has always been my back up plan. I realize how very unrealistic this plan is but I’m unwilling to let go of my dream. I’ll have to make it work somehow. I might be in debt till I die but I will be a doctor.”

“I’m sure you’ll be very good at it. You’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. But why a superhero? For the powers?”

“No. I wanted the ability to change the world around me. To help the weak. Stop them from being stepped on by the big guy.”

"You mean if you were a superhero you could have gotten away from your stepfather," Eddie suggested quietly.

I looked away from him and changed the subject. It was a bad idea suggesting he get to ask questions about me.

"What’s with these questions?”

“Since I can't read your mind I have to get some sort of idea of what you’re really thinking."

“Can't you just enjoy the mystery?”

“I feel like there’s so much more going on in there that I would really enjoy.”

“Okay one more. Slightly more serious,” he said continuing on. “You’re really aren’t freaked out by me being a . . . Christmas tree?”

If he phrased it that way I could answer him truthfully. “No, I really think it’s pretty.”

“Pretty. Excellent.” He said sarcastically “But I meant by all of this. All of me?”

“Freaked out? Maybe a little bit. But it keeps things more exciting this way!”

“You aren’t afraid that I’m going to eat you?” he prodded.

I decided to answer truthfully again. “My mind is telling me that I should be. That I should be scared because you’re a monster that craves my blood. But I just don’t feel it. I feel . . . comfortable around you. I guess. Most of the time anyway. I like you too much to listen to what the rational voices in my head are saying.”

I scooted a little closer to him to make him understand the truth of my words.

“I think if you were going to eat me you would have done it already.”

"It’s not like it’s getting easier for me the more we do this,” he protested.

“I have confidence in you,” I whispered leaning closer to him. He was so pretty.

He was leaning closer to me as well.

“I don’t really have any choice in the matter anymore. I can't live without you so I better not kill you,” he laughed. I could feel his cool breath fan out across my face. I laughed in return.

And then suddenly he was gone. I was sitting alone in the middle of the meadow.

“Eddie?” I asked stunned.

I finally found him standing at the edge of the meadow leaning against a tree. His shoulders were heaving like he was breathing hard.

Then he teleported to several feet in front of me and flinched back.

“You just don’t understand how dangerous I am,” he said with strain clear in his voice. “I could snap you in half like a twig and drain you dry before you even had the slightest idea you were in danger.”

I was confused by his tone. And frightened.

He took a few angry steps away from me and then turned back to face me again. “You can't understand. You can have all the confidence in the world in me and it doesn’t make any bit of difference because it all falls to me. There is no way you could defend yourself.”

He was losing control. This whole thing had been too much for him.

Then he was inches away from my face again leaning over me.

“Edward,” I whispered in caution my voice trembling. I really had never seen what he was capable of. The only reason I wasn’t afraid of him was because I didn’t know how powerful he really was. Now I did see it. Now I really was afraid.

“Like you could ever do anything to stop me,” he very gently placed one hand on the back of my neck. The careful soft touch didn’t make it any less menacing.

How had this happened? He was doing fine all day. All year he never showed any sign of this struggle and yet now he was completely out of control. I didn’t know if he would be able to stop himself.

As he stared down at me his eyes seemed to glaze over like my Eddie had completely left the building. All that was left was this monster that craved my blood. His eyes flashed a bright red as he moved his gaze away from my eyes to my throat. I started breathing erratically. There really was nothing I could do to defend myself from him.

He leaned in closer and I slowly leaned away.

“Eddie,” I pleaded trying to get him to come back to me.

I tried to shift away from him but he had his other hand firmly planted around my hip. The only direction I could go was down but the ground quickly got in the way of that escape route as well. My movements were still slow and careful despite my hammering heart and fast breathing.

Edward smiled as he decreased the distance between his mouth and my throat. Actually it was more like a baring of his teeth. I saw two long shiny and very sharp fangs where his normal eye teeth had been just a few moments ago. I gulped.

Once again as I faced death my mind wandered through rational paths. I thought of everything I would never get to do. I really wanted to see the seven great wonders of the world. But at least I would never have to hear the buzz of another alarm clock. I was sure there were no alarm clocks in heaven. An even trade I thought.

Looking into the face of this angel, angel of death really, but even now his beauty didn’t pass unnoticed, I realized there was only one thing I really wanted to do before I died and my window of opportunity was shrinking.

I made up my mind and acted quickly. I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled myself up crushing my lips to his. Something inside of me screamed protests that this was absolute madness but it fizzled out as the euphoria set in. This wasn’t exactly the sort of kiss I daydreamed about but still it wasn’t bad. You couldn’t be so close to such a creature and not enjoy it.

Edward had not moved a millimeter, frozen like a statue under my touch which surprised me. I thought I was rushing my death but the time seemed to be stretching on. I broke off my kiss after just a moment and lay back on the ground with my eyes closed waiting and ready.

And yet nothing happened. Edward still remained unmoving. I grew impatient. He was sure taking his sweet time. I peeked through one eye to see what was taking so long. Then I opened both in surprise when I saw that his eyes were back to the pretty golden color.

Did this mean I wasn’t going to die? Again? Maybe he was just screwing with my mind.

I wasn’t about to wait around all day for him. I fidgeted to slide away from his grip on my waist. He finally reacted and jumped twenty feet away from me.

Although his face was still frozen in shock it looked better than before. Right colored eyes, normal sized teeth.

I wondered how someone was supposed to respond to something like this. I didn’t really feel anything anymore. My fear had fled a while ago when it was replaced by the impatience. Now that was gone and all there was left was confusion.

I attempted a smile “You weren’t just leaning in for a kiss there?” I joked. “That wasn’t what you were going for?”

“You’re psychotic.” He finally spoke.

“Phew! I thought your face was broken. That would have been terrible!”

“Do you not understand I almost killed you?”

“Yeah what was that about? You were doing so well,” Apparently all I was capable of after a near-death experience was making jokes.

He made a disgruntled noise and started slowly walking away.

“Wait! Where are you going?”

“I’m getting the hell away from you!” he shouted back at me.

“Ouch,” I couldn’t hide the very real pain in my voice. If he left now I wasn’t ever going to get him back. I had to think of something. “Wait! You can't leave me here! I’ll die alone and lost in the wilderness!”

He flashed back across the meadow, standing several feet in front of me. He looked very angry. How dare he be mad at me after that?

“I don’t think you have any idea how much danger you’re in!” he practically shouted at me.

It was his fault. He had no reason to be mad at me because I was bad at reacting to these sorts of things. Who was really?

“I know exactly how much danger there is! There are wolves and bears and . . . badgers!” Those could be dangerous right? At least I was pretty frightened of the one in the Fox and the Hound when I was little. “Plus with my hopeless sense of direction there’s no way that I-“

He cut me off with a finger to my lips. I couldn’t help but smile around it. I thought he would forbid any touching between us ever again. He seemed to realize this after a moment and hastily dropped his hand while taking a step back.

“I was not referring to the danger of the woods.”

“I am! If you leave me out here there’s like a 90% chance I’ll never make it out again! I feel like we’ve been through the bad part with you so my chances are greater if you stay.”

“Can you try to be serious about this for one second?”

“No,” I said crossing my arms and looking away stubbornly.

He shook his head angrily at me.

“Look Eddie,” I said standing up and taking a step toward him. He copied my movement moving in the same direction so the distance remained the same between us. I sighed. I wasn’t the only one being stubborn. “Eddie,” I said starting again. Then I stopped. “Actually I don’t really have any idea what to say about that.”

His anger started to fade away but was replaced with genuine pain.

Perhaps I was being a bit selfish. I suppose he was going through something a little worse than I was and I should try to be understanding.

“Let’s just chalk this up to a hazard of being in love with a vampire and pray that it doesn’t happen again,” I shrugged.

He looked at me surprised.

Oh s**t. What did I just say? Did I just use the “L” word out loud?

“I’m not sure that’s what I meant,” I backtracked.

A new feeling seeped into his eyes. It was sort of like the look I get at a doughnut shop where there are all these fabulous doughnuts laid out in front of you and you can only pick one. Or two if you are feeling particularly bad. But never more than that. There are all these other delicious little pieces of heaven that you have to leave behind. Only it was much more intense than that. He wanted this so bad and he knew that the right thing to do would be to just leave me behind.

“Can you imagine what I’d be like if I accidentally killed you?” he said.

“Oh what you’d feel like? Let’s not think about the dead girl.” So that was a little rough. I think he just needed some tough love right now. “I think it should be my choice. I’m the one putting my life in danger. That’s a little bit higher than a sore conscious or a bad reputation for your family. If I say I’m fine with this risk then I think you just have to respect my wishes. Besides can you imagine what you’d be like if we just stopped?”

He slowly shook his head. I wondered if his life would be as colorless and painful as mine if he left. If it was he should have me in his arms right now to make sure that never happened.

“Eddie, nothing happened. I’m fine. If that’s as bad as it’s ever going to get what do we have to be afraid of?”

“What if you can't stop me next time?”

“But now we have a secret weapon,” I said suggestively.

He actually blushed. “That was not how our first kiss was supposed to go.”

“Oh so you were planning to kiss me in my life time? We don’t all live forever you know.”

“Probably. I thought about it.” he shuffled his feet looking nervous.

I threw my head back and laughed.

“You’re like a teenage boy! It’s just a kiss, Buttercup!”

“It’s not just a kiss. It’s another whole step deeper into this tangle we’re involved in.”

“I’m okay with that,”

“Eventually we’re not going to be able to untie it all and step back out,”

“I don’t know about you but I passed that point ages ago,”

“I guess I did too,” he said quietly.

“So we’re decided! We’re totally over that whole big scary f**k up back there!”

His answering smile wasn’t very convincing.

“Just try and be a little more careful next time,” I suggested.

“I will be. It’s just that I was so . . . comfortable around you. I let my guard down and then you just caught me off guard. I just have to pay attention.”

“I have confidence in you!” I beamed. He rolled his eyes.

I stepped a little closer to him.

“If you feel like you need to practice with this like you do in the bar I’d be willing to help you out,” I scooted a little closer so we were only inches apart. Where did all this confidence come from? I was kind of digging this, just go for it Dolly! She got what she wanted!

I needed to stop referring to myself in third person.

A very small smile spread across his lips as his eyes traced their way down my face to my lips.

“Practice would probably help," he said as he slowly placed his cool hand behind my neck. This time the movement wasn’t menacing. It was so pleasurable I closed my eyes in delight. I laid my hands gently on his chest and tilted my chin up. I could sense where his face was by the feeling of his breath against my face till his lips were just centimeters away from mine and he paused. He was really dragging this out. Well that was okay anticipation was supposed to be like 50% of the pleasure of the kiss or something like that. And this certainly was doing its job. Butterflies were ramming their wings against the inside of my stomach and my breath started coming in faster.

Eddie took one last deep breath before closing the last little distance between us. At first I was afraid my knees were going to give out from underneath me as he slowly worked his lips against mine. Then he pushed a little harder and I was sure I was going to fall. I slid my hands up his chest and locked them behind his neck pulling myself up closer to him. He responded by putting more pressure on the back of my neck and placing his other hand on the small of my back pulling me to him. I couldn’t get enough of him. We just couldn’t be close enough to each other when restrained to these corporal bodies.

When Eddie finally pulled away we were both breathing pretty heavily. He looked down into my eyes and a brilliant smile split his face.

“Did you say you loved me?” he asked grinning from ear to ear.

“Did I?” I responded breathless.

“I think you did,” he insisted.

“I don’t recall,” Denial. Definitely the best plan from here on out.

“The hazard of being in love with a vampire. That’s what you called it,”

“Maybe you’re hearing things?”

He smiled even bigger and leaned back down toward me. He paused just as our lips brushed each other. “Maybe I’m just imagining the things I want to hear,”

I pursed my lips to prevent the smile but it didn’t work. It still broke its way through.

When Eddie stepped away I felt he ripped apart of me away with him. He turned and took a few steps away from me.

I shook my head trying to think clearly. “Where are you going?” I asked panicked.

“It’s getting dark,” he said “And you must be hungry,”

I skipped after him surprised that my feet responded to me. I grabbed his arm as he led me back out of the meadow.

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[Summer]

“But now we have a secret weapon,” I said suggestively.

He actually blushed. “That was not how our first kiss was supposed to go.”

That was so funny. I loved it.