Made of Glass Chapter 5

A tiny peek at Dolly's past and a little friendly banter between her and Edward.

“What about you, Doll?” Lauren tried to pull me into the conversation I hadn’t been paying the slightest attention to.

The bar was practically empty so all the girls had gathered around the kitchen to gossip and whatnot. I felt no desire to join in this ritual behavior so my mind was puzzling over the possibility of an earthquake bringing down the less than sturdy roof upon all of us. If that didn’t happen there were so many unsecured items laying around, most of them glass, all the girls would be shredded with the first wave. I evaluated the load bearing walls. Things didn’t look too good. When was the last time Washington had had a major earthquake? 1965? I was going to have to read up on the subject some more. I felt grossly unprepared.

“Dolly?” Monica tried to claim my attention.

“I’m sorry. What were we talking about?”

“Gosh, girl. You are always off in a different world,” Elaina said quietly addressing me directly like she didn’t want the other girls to notice she was taking part in the conversation.

“Yeah sorry, just . . . thinking about some stuff . . .”

“So stop and tell us!” Sara squealed.

“Tell you what?” I definitely did not want to be telling them what I was thinking about. They’d probably call the men in white coats..

“About the first boy you kissed!”

That was slightly more harmless.

“I can't really remember,” I said trying to return to cleaning out some glasses. Hopefully they would realize I didn’t really need to be a part of this conversation.

“Everyone remembers. It’s your first! Come on, it must have been someone really embarrassing,” Monica goaded me.

“No I really can't remember,” It was true in fact. I thought it might have been somewhere around junior high but I did all I could to block out that time in my life. And it wasn’t just because of the zits and insecurity.

“What were you like five?”

“Maybe it’s because there were so many!”

The girls squealed in delight trying to unravel the mystery. They were thoroughly disappointed that I wouldn’t add any drama to it. They started to pout like toddlers when they realized there was nothing scandalous about bad recall skills.

“You never talk about where you came from, Dolly,” Elaina said thoughtfully. “Gosh, I don’t even know where home is for you!”

Oh great. Now Elaina decides to be bold and bring up the worst possible topic ever.

“Yeah, Doll. Where are you from?”

All the girls demanded in unison a complete autobiography.

“I’m not from anywhere. This is where I live,” I tried to shrug it off.

“Yeah but where do your parents live,”

“They’re dead.”

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” more cooing and fake sympathy. Some of them even had the audacity to reach out and place a “comforting” hand on my arm. I flinched away.

“Don’t worry about it. It was a long time ago.”

“So like where did you go to high school?"

Damn these girls were persistent.

“On the East Coast,” I said vaguely.

“Oh come on. You can do better than that,” Even Lauren was in on it.

“I moved around a lot,” I waved my hand around vaguely.

“So did you like live with your grandparents or an aunt and uncle or something?” Monica probed further.

I sighed. “Nah, I was a foster kid,”

All the girls gave a pity filled awe in unison. I almost barfed. There had to be something that I needed to be doing right now away from this.

“So why come to Washington?” Sara asked thankfully bringing the conversation closer to the present.

“Why not?”

“Cause there are like four thousand other schools in the country that are more exciting!” Monica said shocked. She had lived in Washington her whole life and the experience hadn’t brought about feelings of attachment, only boredom and disillusionment.

“Anything new can be exciting,” I just needed something new that wasn’t anywhere close to my family. But I couldn’t explain this to the girls. I needed a better excuse than that. “It’s pretty too?”

Thankfully a customer walked in. “I’ll get it, Monica!” I bounced up and toward the door before she could give her assent.

I chewed on jolly ranchers for the rest of the day afraid that the conversation would be brought up again. Now that they had a sniff about my old life I could only imagine they would want to see a lot more. I knew that I couldn’t handle this conversation every day. There was a weight pushing down on my chest just from thinking about my past for the five minutes the conversation had lasted. For the rest of the day anything that would hint just a little at my old life would bring up painful memories. I felt myself slipping all day long till I was absolutely miserable, exhausted, and anxious toward the end of my shift.

A little later when things were picking up at the bar I resorted to standing in a dark corner trying to hide from everything and get a control on my erratic breathing. I hadn’t been able to completely get myself under control when I heard Monica calling for me. I closed my eyes for a moment before plastering a smile on my face and searching her out.

“What’d’ya need, Mon?” my attempt at a pleasant note rang false to me.

“Edward’s back at your table!” she said excited for me. “He’s got like a box full of books, too,” She added puzzled.

I was both excited and weary. Perhaps Edward would be able to bring me out of my dejected state. Not likely. Instead I was going to have to try harder to pretend to be normal. Seemed exhausting.

I approached him wearily.

“Can I get you anything?” I asked politely. I was going to behave. I will behave this time. I will behave.

“No thank you,” he said matching my distant polite tone. He glanced up at me out of the corner of his eye and his brow furrowed a little.

Uh oh. He already noticed. Just keep talking divert his attention.

“I have been wondering, of all the places to sit and read. This seems like the worse possible place to pick. Ever. Haven’t you ever heard of a library before?”

“Don’t you want my business?”

I snorted. “What business?

He changed tactics, “I like to people watch.”

“That’s bizarre,” I couldn’t think of any good reason that you would ever want to watch people live their miserable lives. If they're not dull, they are full of completely horrendous actions and evil stepfathers. I bit down so hard on my jolly ranchers it broke in two with a load crunch.

"Hey, are you feeling alright today?" Edward said looking directly at me.

My breath started coming in quickly and my chest contracted. Please, please, please don't have a panic attack here.

Time to change the subject. I completely ignored his question. “What’s with the box of books?” I wish I didn't sound so breathless.

He hesitated for a moment still looking at me before responding, “I just wanted to come prepared.”

I peered into the small box. There were quite a few good titles in there. I wondered where he got all of them. They clearly weren’t library books. He noticed my nosy peering and pushed the box away from me smiling.

I recognized the title of the book he was holding and gave an obviously false innocent smile. He put down the book and picked up another. I realized the purpose of all the books. He wanted to find one I hadn’t read so I couldn’t ruin it for him. Well he was going to see that was harder to be done than he thought.

He picked up Tale of Two Cities.

“Sydney Carton goes to the guillotine in Darnay’s place.”

He switched to Frankenstein.

I raised an eyebrow before saying “The monster kills the doctor's whole family and he dies in the end.”

He pulled out the Age of Innocence.

I paused. It wasn’t one of my favorites and it’d been a long time and I couldn’t remember any great shockers in that one.

“Ha!” Edward said smug thinking that he’d won.

I stroked my chin in concentration and said absentmindedly. “Well Newland Archer falls in love with the Countess but I think everyone knows that. He’s just kind of a putz who doesn’t do anything about it.”

Edward tried to keep a blank face but I could see his jaw clench. We stared at each other for a moment before he grabbed his box and without a word left the bar. I crossed my arms smug.

He was three steps out the door when the smugness faded. I hoped he would come back. I went back to the dark corner.

 

“What’s your deal with Edward?” Elaina asked me when it was just the two of us.

“Nothing," I said.

Edward hadn’t come back the next day. Now it was past his usual time. This time I probably lost him forever. For real this time.

“Yeah seriously honey. I would aim just a little lower. Girls go entire months without a single point trying to get that boy. He doesn’t budge,” Monica’s nasally voice interrupted the conversation. My bad mood hadn’t completely dissipated thanks in no small part to Edward’s absence. Now all the little things that had annoyed me when I arrived grated on me again. I could hardly stand to be in Elaina’s company for more than ten minutes lately.

I was such a rotten person.

“Yeah . . . well, usually he doesn’t even talk to the girls . . . so I guess, you’re already doing good, I guess,” Elaina lost all confidence as soon as Monica entered.

“Only he never looks very happy to be talking to you. Usually he just looks pissed.”

I smirked. I imagined neither of us looked like we had a lot of fun with our little game. And maybe he didn’t.

“Whatever’s going on I would drop it, Doll,” Sara butted into the conversation too. I hated it when they called me that. I already felt like enough of an object working at this place. “Ashley’s already pissed at you for stealing him away from her tables. However you managed that one.”

“I’m not stealing him from anyone. Nor am I courting him or whatever." I don't think courting was the right word. What do they say in this century? "Hell for all I know I scared him away forever,” I said in a joking tone to mask the real fear that he was really gone.

“No chance, honey. He just walked in and sat at your table,” Lauren called over to us from the bar.

I jumped up and half sprinted to the door before I stopped myself and took a calming breath and tried to walk out with composure.

I heard Sara whisper to Elaina as I walked away, “Oh yeah, nothing’s going on there.” I could almost hear her eyes roll.

I was already smiling when I walked out onto the floor but as soon as I saw him I snorted out a loud laugh and turned around and walk right back into the kitchen.

In the moment that I made eye contact with him I completely lost all hope of being calm and distant this time around. Beside Edward sat with a box about the size of a laundry basket. I could only assume he cleaned out an entire bookstore and brought them all into this little bar just to outdo me. I stood against the kitchen door and let the rolls of laughter come out of me. It wasn’t just the box but his face when we made eye contact. He looked so content. So completely smug that he sat there with his box of books. As he should. I probably couldn’t out do him this time.

“You alright, Dolly?” Elaina asked concerned.

I wiped away the tears and nodded in Elaina’s direction before heading back out.

“Good evening,” he was smiling as well. This time in a friendly manor.

“What have you got there?”

“You can't have read every book on the planet. And I plan to find the one you haven't. What do you think?” he gestured toward the box filled to the brim. It had to be ridiculously heavy.

“Tell you what. I get off in fifteen minutes. I’ll come and see which ones I can ruin for you.”

“I’ll be here,” he promised.

I skipped through the last minutes like I was walking across air (lame). Light and feathery.

I quickly changed out of my outrageous outfit and then skipped back out to the floor. I stopped as soon as I emerged. His table was empty. I looked around expecting he just got up for a moment when he saw someone he knew or something but I quickly dismissed this idea. I had never actually seen him talk to anyone else. Also, his box of books was gone.

That b*****d stood me up.

I glared around the entire room for a little while trying to find something to blame and place all my anger at. Everyone seemed so happy and carefree. It had suddenly become a bright and shiny day with the sun streaming in through the windows. I decided to blame the sun for being so bright and cheerful when it was such a rotten day.

“Don’t feel too bad, hun. Everyone plays the game,” Lauren tried to sooth me. “He’s probably just trying to make you want it more so you say yes. Boys have really lame ideas like that. I’d take it as a good thing.”

“I don’t need soothing. The boy isn’t worth it,” I muttered harshly.

Lauren stared at me stunned. I don’t know if it was because before I had always managed to suppress this dark tone in my voice  or because she didn’t know any women who could stand up for themselves.

I pushed the disappointment of the event away and went up to my room. I pulled out an old beloved volume and lost myself to the crinkle of the pages, forgetting all the world around me, numbed by the pills.

Reviews

[Summer]

Loved it. And Dolly, you idiot, he didn't want to leave but the sun forced him to. Grr! I love this book too much that I'm yelling at a character in it. What is wrong with me?