Speeding Up To Let Go

I knew I never loved you...
I just liked admiring the beautiful picture in the moment..
Uncovering a place to sleep in until the sun woke me to live..
You gave me your heart and I put it on my sleeve...
Dusting it off every chance I could so I wouldn't have to keep it...

 

When we were looking eye to eye..
When I watched you gently raise your fingertips to graze my skin..
I still wanted to let go...
Because everything was separating me from you...
And nothing would ever bring me back...

 

There wasn't enough sparks to start a fire..
The wheels were beginning to retire and make the car run slow...
My heart was flooding with lies and being buried in the snow...
I should've been making it right but I enjoyed the adrenaline of the show..
Your love and my lies seemed to make me wild...
I wish everything changed in the moment when I saw what I needed to see..
But I ignored it..I let it loose...
And all it did was break your heart...

 

Now I’m driving fast on the free-way, crying to a useless song...
The rain is pounding against the clear window repeating a peaceful sound..
I need to run away..to get out...
You gave me all of your patience and I gave you doubt...
There were never two happy people...
Always a wanting soul and a foolish child...
Always a sprinter to love and a crawler barely making a move..
I thought your touch was rough, you thought your touch was smooth...
The rumbling beneath us was just trying to show a sign...
I never would be able to call you mine...
And tears would never bring us closer...

 

You looked so gracious while you were waiting, I could tell you were out of breath...
Everything began getting old and losing all of its color...
Your confidence was drowned by hopeless tears...
Weeks, months, years...
I went from being unpredictable from you knowing what to expect..
You couldn't take it any more, your heart needed a rest..
It was always on the look out for something greater...

 

I'm not cold but I have shivers...
The heater is on and there's another beautiful song...
The rain is still falling, the animals are running without a care...
Cars are passing by me lost in their own busy lives...
Oblivious to all their pains and cries...
Kids are playing in their fantasy world with reality at their backs...
Splashing and laughing as if nothing matters...
Still not aware of the affect of love...

 

I wonder what you're doing, where you are...
I wonder if you know why I traveled this far..
I erased everything from my memory when I left that letter upon your door..
I wrote it with the last bit of guts I had to make you stop wanting more..
Not even the final passionate words will satisfy the empty space in which I know you needed me...

 

We can no longer keep in touch..
It would give you so little and me too much...

You would need a hero, I wouldn't be a sturdy crutch..
Cause all you would get is the same words again and again..
You would pound your love against me and I wouldn't let it seep in...
I would put up my hand, set down reality, break your heart, and that would be the end...

 

I'm dripping and making a loud sound like the rain...
Only that ring is beautiful and mine is full of pain..
My heart may not be broken but I dug too deep into the game...
Everyday is going to be a battle, starting with driving in this unbearable shame..
I feel the anger rise through within me as I go way over the speed..
My head bangs against the horn when I remember you told me I was what you need..
I continue blast up the music more and pray for the rain to fall faster..
I continue to give a mean stare to women on the phone across the street..
I continue cry to children's happy smiles as they meet...
Because that's the only way I know how to connect to my heart..
It's the only way I can see what was really meant to be..
I know you'll never know the real story on why I wish you never fell in love with me...

I’m bundled up, covering my skin, as if nothing of you and me ever existed..

I’m pretending my tears are being cried for somebody else

I’m pretending my thoughts are lost with the roaring wind…

Anything to not make the ache in my heart begin…