Annabelle Lee... No Ifs, Ands, or Buts

I wrote a "truths" piece
But that wasn't good enough
And I wrote a poem or seven
All about me
Still didn't cover all the stuff
So hear I am, to spill my guts,
Annabelle Lee
No ifs, ands, or buts
I am the product of a teen pregnancy
My mother abused me emotionally
Neglected, too, But that hurt less
Then little brother came, things were more a mess
Before it was like she didn't know I was there
With Justin she plain out didn't care
Let him sit in his mess and starve
Let an infant loose alone in the front yard
This went on for a while, then Dad went to war
Little Annabelle didn't know what he'd gone for
I felt abandoned, and mother didn't help
Strange men that weren't Daddy "Oh, Annie, DO tell!"
But I won't for modesty's sake, those aren't my secrets to share
If you want to know, you can find my mom, she's around here somewhere
I think I remember writing a letter, a bunch of scribbles that made no sense
I come around later on to find, those letters were never sent
Then we left for Greeley, Auntie Roberta in the trailer park
And one day I get a phone call, IT'S DADDY home from war
This man's been through months of hell, and he's about to go through months more
And he had to come home to an empty house, no family there when he opened the door
Justin fell off the bed
Broke his head
Mother screamed abuse
Classic child custody case, understand it how you choose
Foster parents, children's homes, I was fine when I had my bro
But after Polenski's, After Sonya, Justin had to go
I went to another house
He went to another home
They're different things, you know.
Houses have families, and homes are like prisons
That's just how it goes
Not sure whatwas happening on Mommy and Daddy's side
But I know what happened on mine, crying every night
I lost my parents, I lost my brother, I lost daddy's necklace
A five year old, lost and alone, can't help being helpless
Sooner or later, the legal people got their act together,
Gave us back to Daddy, Home Team, now and forever
But just when I thought everything was alright
Someone in charge decided to f**k up my life
You can't be a single father and a Marine
Without having to sign this custody thing
Leaving another in posession of your girl and your boy
In the unfortunate event of being deployed
Daddy wouldn't sign, so I traded in my ocean for mountain ranges
Jumped all over Colorado, looking for better days
Brighton, Greeley, Greeley again, Lochbuie, Greeley, Hudson, no end.
Not staying in one school for more than a year
I didn't know that was allowed until I got here
But I'm getting ahead of myself, you must know about our Angel, now Daddy's wife
We sure are lucky she wandered into our life
This tall blonde beauty
Three kids of her own
Lives with her parents, no place to go
They hooked up, got married, took off for Kansas and soon
We had a house, each other, plenty enough room
The biggest thing to happen next
Was just moving houses, nothing complex
But mommy dearest started posting stuff
On the internet about us
Legal papers she wanted Daddy to sign
Stopped after a short time
Not sure if she gave up or just got lazy
I swear this b***h,she drives me crazy.
After a while, no word from her
Life goes on, normal we were
Fashion my life so opposite hers
Because resembling her.... there's nothing worse
Life is good, but after a while,
I look in the mirror snd see her eyes and her smile
It eats me up and tears me apart
Begin to hate myself from deep in my heart
And because I know I'll never please me
I spend years trying to please everybody
But I'm bad inside, rotten to the core
I hate myself and now you know what for

Thank you for reading, giving me a chance
Because sometimes a voice is all someone has,
And it took me thirteen or fourteen years to find mine
Please, go find yours, before you run out of time

Reviews

[Zachary Cyrick Addams N..]

I can see how hardly you worked for that and it's perfectly penned. But on first, i thought the poem is all about Annabelle Lee that Edgar Allan Poe wrote. I really love the last part:"Because Sometimes a voice is all someone has".

I find the poem very clear and transparent about your life(or someone you try to portray).

[Annabelle Lee]

my life. no ifs ands or buts. thank you.

[Frieda P]

Annabelle Lee, you blew me away with this piece. I knew there was an old soul inside that young exterior. Wow, this is an outstanding piece of work, honest, gritty and f**k all if someone doesn't like it! Don't kid yourself kiddo, you're a warrior, it shines through in every word you've expressed here. I was waiting on a rant I saw you had unpublished, I'm assuming this is it...but it's so much more, it's you rich in context and unleashing your soul. Kudos...you're a tough cookie and it shows, you'll do fine.

[Annabelle Lee]

Thank you! And I didnt bublish that rant for the sake of the people I could have hurt in the process.

[Frieda P]

Sometimes it just helps to pen it....

[Annabelle Lee]

it did.

[skipperdeuce]

Baby girl.
so many times I've called you best friend. At one point in our life, I had to stop myself from letting you try and take care of me when everything went backwards on us.
Annabelle Lee, I hate that you've had to endure everything that you have. I hate that I was not better able to protect you and your brother from some of this. All of this.
I so love the person you've become. The person you're going to be. I'm amazed every day by you no matter the mistakes I made being your father. I hope though that the things I've accomplished being your Daddy have helped.
I'm sorry Annabelle Lee. I love you Annabelle Lee. I am so crazy proud of you Annabelle Lee. You have no idea.

Daddy

[Annabelle Lee]

Daddy, I love you. You know that and wherever you thought you made a mistake it was only making me who I am. I'm posistive. No No ed to apologiz for giving me the biggest gif of my life. Love You!

[Ahmad Cox]

Wow. This was so brave and honest for you to voice yourself in such an honest and candid way. I am glad that you have the ability to voice your feeling and your true emotions through poetry. Never stop writing. :)

[Annabelle Lee]

i don't plan on it.

[Mazie Tackett]

wow that was long not that is bad but im only 14 and i have adhd so it was hard to read but it was actually good

[Annabelle Lee]

thank you

[Mazie Tackett]

yuppers :)

[Phillitup]

I'll be about the first person my age on here to leave a review that doesn't say I'm speechless. Sometimes sad things fill you with words. They ignite your soul. You know what hard times are and it's sad to say that others do too. I think you have captured it better then anyone else ever could though. Look into the future, there is something bright for you waiting. It's been watching you, thinking of your reward which is sure to come soon. Don't stop dreaming and believing, never lose hope for a better tomorrow, stay strong. You, more then anyone else, can. Push through today, tomorrow will be better.

[Annabelle Lee]

Thank you, very much. It just makes me so upset to think that some people like me don't have a chnce to spek their peace, I'm hoping I can speak for them.

[LA Lorena]

This is the most honest and expressive piece I have read in a long time, maybe ever. You are very brave to have found that voice. You have been through so much in your short life, more than any child should ever have to. You are going to be something and someone quite special Annabelle Lee, I know this. How do I know this? Because you already are.

[Annabelle Lee]

Awwww. Thank you, Lorena!

[Jordan's Back]

DAMN! Im speechless

[Annabelle Lee]

Sometimes that in itself says everything it has to

[Baby Ricochet]

Thats some story Annabelle. I don't know what to say.

[Annabelle Lee]

You don't have to say anyyhing.... Thank you for just reading