The stream of tears

This is the best way I can make images from my feelings

     I walk through the bushes of a forest, so fresh

  But all is not peaceful in this forest so fair

    I seem to be walking in pain's lair

 All is not peaceful in this valley of death 

    The stream of tears run through the valley with power

 But not only tears run through this stream, but every memory

   Some with very stupid thoughts, and others I thought out cleverly

 Oh how the tears of great strength seem to tower

   The seeds of memories stick to my heart with a burning pain

 I see the pain of life's past run down in a flash

       The pain moving back and forth with a dash

 I guess life will go on like this until I am slain

Author's Note

FYI: Pain is used so many times in the final stanza on purpose

Reviews

[Annabelle Lee]

So many powerful words. What I've found, however, is that if every line is as powerful as the last, it seems to lack the depth that most of the classic poets had so mastered. Do not let that discourage you. Major talent here. I'm a huge fan of constructive criticism, just being in forensics gave me the opportunity to experience many different pieces, and the best were always the ones that fluctuated, that allowed the strong lines to be stronger, still, by tossing some softer ones in there, as well. Thank you for sharing your talent with us :)

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

Thank you so much for the criticism :) I'm so glad you liked it ^*^ Feel free to review as many as you like :)

[Annabelle Lee]

:) yep

[Matching Socks]

Great piece here. Yeah, number 7 for sure.
Force is strong...

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

I'm so glad you liked it ^*^ Nobody ever reviews my work anymore lol

[Matching Socks]

Maybe you need new friends? :)

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

lol I actually think thats it X3

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

Great Imaginary nicely penned.


Thank you for sharing this Emotional and Imaginary piece.



Beautiful Imaginary here I loved these Stanza's lines here.


The seeds of memories stick to my heart with a burning pain

I see the pain of life's past run down in a flash

The pain moving back and forth with a dash

I guess life will go on like this until I am slain



Blessings. kindred poet

[Sami Khalil]

A very good write on pain and gaining strength through it...Bravo.................

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

Thank you so much, I'm so glad you liked it

[Sami Khalil]

I do. You are welcome...:)...................................

[I Am Svetlana]

What most people don't understand is that pain is only temporary, no matter how long it lasts, it will never be permanent. Every person deserves to be happy, no matter what they've gone through or experienced in life. I love the imagery you used in this, very beautiful!

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

Thank you so much, sometimes it just feels good on my bad days to just write and write and write. I'm so glad you liked it :)

[I Am Svetlana]

Yes, I believe that if ever one is in pain or depressed or just feeling lost, writing is the perfect therapy in order to help. It helps you let out your inner thoughts and then you organize them into something more beautiful, expressive!

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

Exactly :) I either just write all my feelings down into poetry or just watch movies and cry it out XD either way is great actually :)

[I Am Svetlana]

I cried earlier this morning and wrote a couple new pieces this morning, nothing too special. Writing just helps me clear my head and forget about everything else around me...kind of like how it is whenever I read a book. I block the world out.

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

Same with me and movies, I almost get sucked into it, it's almost too painful for it to end.

[I Am Svetlana]

Partially why I hate to finish books nowadays cause I always want new ones, no matter what I'm reading :/ but I do what I can to enjoy the story.,

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

What books do you enjoy reading? I love either Horror, like Stephen King, to fantasy, like harry potter :)

[I Am Svetlana]

I'll honestly read anything, but I mainly like horror and fiction. Teen fiction here and there, but nothing too major. I'm currently working on a teen fiction novel!

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

My all time favorite horror story has to be the classic 'Dracula' :) theres always rom for a classic somewhere in life. I also enjoyed The Shining alot, it had a bit of Hitchcock's elements in it actually, it matches right up there with psycho ^*^ I'm more into classics than modern, the most recent book I read came out last year, it was Stephen King's Doctor Sleep :P still haven't finished it lol

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

*Room sorry for the grammar mistake lol

[I Am Svetlana]

Sadly, I haven't read any of the classics. I hope to and I've read a couple Stephen king novels here and there.

[Aethereal]

I enjoyed how you set up a contrast between your depressed mood and a peaceful forest valley. Your poem inspired me to write this tiny song-poem for you to keep as your own. It’s in 1/0/1/0/1/0/1 seven syllable meter: 1 = accent; 0 = non-accent:

Tears

As I reminisce my past,
I can hardly take a breath
where my tears flow into vast
winding rivers dark as death.

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

Thank you so so so much :) That is very powerful, its crazy how so few words can have such a powerful meaning :) thank you again

[Aethereal]

You're welcome! You provided the motivation, and all I did was apply Occam's razor to your original poem using classical meter and exact rhyme. Be careful with Occam's razor 'cause it's sharp.

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

:) lol I'll be careful ^*^

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

It's an amazing poem. :-)

Kaze~ :-)

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

Thank you so so much ^*^ I'm so so glad you liked it :)

[♔ CrownedDevil ☾]

Your very welcome, it was my pleasure reading your poem. :-)

[Bluefire]

It's dark, and makes me think of The Trail Of Tears. The forest adds a bit of green, and the river a bit of color. Seeing as it's made of memory, it's quite hard to determine a specific hue.
~*~
" I guess life will go on like this until I am slain."
You can never forget the past, nobody can,
But I hope I can change that last line, from black and white to color.
Beautiful poem, baby ^^

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

I'm s so glad you liked it baby :)

[JayyVonMonroe'sBae]

i like it good job:) its amazing

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

Thank you so much ^*^