My dark Wonderland

 I run through what seems to be an endless maze

      Card guards chasing me with blood dripping from their lips

  I look in the sky and the moon is covered by an eclipse

     The maze suddenly grows bright in a blaze.

     Now I seem to be at a mad tea party

 But instead of tea there's vats of acid 

     The clock seems to be spinning more rapid

  It all melts away, the clock is now at Twelve forty

I'm now in a garden of mushrooms oh so tall

  Smoke rises up till its out of reach 

The Caterpillar transforms with a screech 

  I trip back and hit my head with a fall

I awake in my bed in a white room

  It has drawings all around, some happy, some sad

 Am I really this mad

  I can still smell the smell of the mushrooms

Author's Note

Again, this was based on a dream I had last night, thats why its so off the wall, hope everyone likes it

Reviews

[Tatiana Casali]

Well since it was a dream I give it a 5/10. I say this because the last stanza bothered me. I have a pet peeve when I see two words being used twice in a sentence. But overall I did somewhat see myself as you the dream. Next time be more descriptive.

positive: I did like the colors you used in the sentences. I also like alice in wonderland :)

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

Well thanks lol I feel like as I'm writing more of these I'm getting worse :/ but oh well, atleast I'm trying

[Tatiana Casali]

Your not a bad writer at all. If anything your amateur. Im sure with practice and reading books you'll get to where you want to be. How about writing your feelings. Theres an idea.

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

I might, I'll try it :)

[Tatiana Casali]

You should. I can't wait to feel what you feel. Remember to stay genuine and honest about how you feel. Don't just make up stuff unless your good at it then by all means. But I prefer real geniune emotion.

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

:) For you i'll do it, it might help my chest stop hurting

[Tatiana Casali]

I'm sure it'll make you feel better love.

[Brittany Zedalis]

I usually really don't like poems that have so much color, but I adore this. And I am so happy to see an Alice in Wonderland related poem. However dark, it made me smile, haha. Great job!

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

:) thank you, I thought I would add color because it was wonderland related :)

[Brittany Zedalis]

It works well. Lately I've seen some poems on here with a lot of color that simply didn't work. Thankfully yours does.

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

:) Well I'm glad it works

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

Amazing poem, such darkness to it. :-)

Kaze~

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

Im so glad you liked it :)

[♔ CrownedDevil ☾]

:-) :-D :-)

[Broken Hearted]

wow thats deep
I love the fact that it flowed really well together

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

Thank you :) I'm glad you liked it

[Margo Seuss]

The colour were interesting here! They do make me think of Wonderland (a dark sort of version). It painted a very Tim Burtonesque sort of picture in my mind! Only few things I can say for improvement. In the first line of your poem 'a endless' needs to be 'an endless' and party and forty don't techincally ryhme....but it still sort of works. I suppose you could take creative license there. Overall, very dark and full of vibrant images! Keep dreaming!

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

Thank you so much :) I'll edit it right now :) and I couldmt think of any words that rhymed with party lol. I'm so glad that you like it :) These dreams keep getting wickeder and wickeder but it gives me material. There were still parts of the dream I didnt mention because they were so messed up :/

[Taylor_McCutcheon]

This is pretty well written. I enjoy the abba rhyme scheme and you painted a pretty clear picutre in my mind. I also liked how you didn't use any obvious rhymes (cat, hat) XP Good poem. I don't review these often but I felt rude not to review a new friend.

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

Thanks so much :) and I understand about the obvious rhymes, they do get annoying :P lol I really liked your story you wrote, I was gonna wait to review it though :) I'll have review for it by the end of the day

[Taylor_McCutcheon]

oh thank you very much :) I'm hoping to have the second chapter by then as well if you were interested in reading it :) ill review anything you'd like in exchange. :)

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

:) I mostly write poems, but it said on your profile that you wont review poems lol :P

[Taylor_McCutcheon]

yea I know lol i mostly mean that for read requests. I don't feel its fair to review poems because poems are just raw thoughts and feelings. I cant critique thoughts and feelings. But if you dont mind me just reviewing your poems and telling you WHY I liked them than I have no problem doing that :) my read request box on my old profile got ridicolusly full with poems so I just deleted them and made a rule to not review them lol I didn't get many reviews either :/ so it wasn't fair either way....sorry for the rant lol ill review your poems if you review me. Its only fair :)

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

:) ok, fair is fair :) I'll review you, and its easily understandable, I'd get really annoyed if that happened to me lol

[Taylor_McCutcheon]

lol yea. I just get so upset about this site because I've been on here literally since this place opened and I'm (believe it or not) the reason this site got put into an issue of writers digest. So its just so upsetting to see how many people take advantage of it by posting their things and than never reviewing anyone. I'm gonna try my best to turn this site back into the way it was before :) you'll be seeing me :)

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

:) I just discovered this site like 4 days ago and out of those four days I think i've reviewed about 50 pieces :) People need feedback, how else would they know how their doing

[Taylor_McCutcheon]

Exactly :) Thank you very much for being one of the select few :)

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

Your very welcome :) I honestly cant wait to read more of your work :)

[Taylor_McCutcheon]

thank you very much :) ill have the second chapter up tonight. It wont be as good since there wont be any action in this chapter and its a first draft but hopefully youll still like it :)

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

I'm absolutely sure that I'll like it :)

[Taylor_McCutcheon]

:D I hope so. Im gonna go write. TTYL

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

See ya later :)

[Ana]

Would I be mis-speaking if I said this was fun? Alice isn't the only one venturing through the Looking Glass. well written and full of imagery.

[Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot]

Thank you so much :) I'm glad you liked it