Against Elizabeth

I left Haylee at the Cafe on Broadway so that I can help Elizabeth with whatever that shadowy moving when I had left her. I bought her a drink and a pastry so that she won't look too weird. "Do not go anywhere until I return. If someone asks you to move, just say that you're waiting on someone. Or make an excuse. Just don't get up or move from this spot. I'll be back as soon as I can." I said to her, then left, with the door slinging shut with a bell ringing. I ran as fast as I could down the streets and back to the plot of land that we were previously at. 

When I got there, there were a bunch of strange homeless hippies on there. They wore brightly colored tye-dye tee shirts, with blue or green bermuda shorts. There were about 4 females and 3 males. 2 of the females and 1 of the males were children-younger than I or Nathan. 

I ran past them and to the black crime scene bag we previously looked at. It was coldly unzipped and empty. Gertinald's body wasn't there, nor was anyone else's. 

Where are you Lizzie? I half asked, half sent. Who knows, maybe she'll answer. If Gertinald's not in the bag, then where is he? Was he even dead in the first place?f He probably wasn't dead, just pretending to be dead. But how? he had no pulse or beat of a heart. I know, I felt his neck and wrist and his chest. Nothing was beating. He's a werewolf, but what if he's also something else? He talked with an odd old accent too... Something's different about him. But just what he might be... I just don't know. Does that mean that Elizabeth's different too, since he bit her? So many questions, so little time and answers.

Oh, Elizabeth! Where in the world are you?

___*@*___

He just left. Left me in the coffee shop. I couldn't go near the windows, and I can't go anywhere. I was waiting for my brother. Elizabeth better be quick. I hope he finds her and helps her as quickly as possible. I don't want to raise suspision about why I, a 15 year old girl, is sitting in a cafe alone. I hope he comes quickly. It's just a high hope, but a girl can always hope, right?

"Do you want anything else?" Asked my waitress. She looked like a blonde girl, about college age. She must be around 24 years old or so. She had on blue metal glasses, and lots of freckles on her rosy red cheeks. She wore eyeshadow too, dark brown to be specific. She had on eyeliner, thickly applied too. She wore her work uniform-like all the staff here. 

"No thanks. I'll just wait until he comes back," I replied, not sure that he is coming back. 

She sat down, talking to me. I noticed she had blue eyes too. "Who was that who left you?"

"Oh... Yeah, that's my brother. He had some things to take care of before he could come back. Why do you ask?" I told her, not sure of what my last question's answer was going to be.

"Oh, I don't know. How old is he?" She asked. Hmmm. I wonder why she's asking so many questions about Elijah? I smell something fishy in this conversation...

"Almost 18. Why?" I asked with a sideways look toward her. Still fishy...

"Oh..." She hesitated, "Nothing. So how long'll you wait for him?"

"I don't know yet. When ever he's done, I guess." I replied.

"Oh..." She hesitated, again, but this time looking a bit sadder. " So how old are ya?"

Should I reply to her? I mean, she works at this resteraunt, so I guess, but still... "15" replied to her.

"Oh, really? 

"Yes. I have a younger brother too. We're all 3 years apart." I told her. I decided to trust her, even if Elijah said not to say anything to anyone. She seams nice and trustworthy.

Author's Note

Okay, here it is, the 17 chapter of Wish Upon A Star! :)

Please review!

What'd ya think about it? Ugh, its so short!

Reviews

[Valette]

This was a little awkward to start with:
"I left Haylee at the Cafe on Broadway so that I can help Elizabeth with whatever that shadowy moving when I had left her." uses two past tense verbs and one present, giving it a really awkward flow that really distracted me right off. (left and had vs can; rather than could)
the second sentance, "I left Haylee at the Cafe on Broadway so that I can help Elizabeth with whatever that shadowy moving when I had left her" is also confusing in past/present tense. Try to seperate past from present in these sections.
"When I got there, there were a bunch of strange homeless hippies on there." Is another awkward line, but this time it's a show, dont' tell fix- how does your protagonist know they were homeless? Perhaps describing unkempt hair/clothes or bags and filled shopping carts nearby would help you bring the scene to life. numbering the females and males feels more like a police report. Perhaps it would be better to describe as a group like you did with their clothing, say their sex was difficult to determine because they all had long dreadlocks.
"is sitting in a cafe alone" should be 'am'
This could really use some work- watch past and present tense. With al little work, this could be a really great chapter. I am looking forward to reading more of your work!

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I knew that she wouldn't listen to him. I think Haylee is just being stupid just trusting someone she didn't know. Strangers are always dangerous no matter what. Elijah should know not to trust his litter sister since she doesn't know how to listen. I wonder what happened to Elizabeth. I hope she is okay. I can't wait to read on. Thanks for sharing.

[Coyote Poetry]

The pace of the story slow down a little. It is good to create history and situation to understand the characters. I don't know if talking to the waitress was a good idea? A excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Jessi Berlasty]

"I'll be back as soon as I can.(,)" "there were a bunch of strange homeless hippies on(omit that word) there." "There were about 4 females and 3 males. 2 of the females and 1 of the males were children" Write out the numbers. "h(H)e had no pulse or beat of a heart." "A(a)sked my waitress." "She looked like a blonde girl" That sounds like you don't know if she's blonde or not. "She had on blue metal glasses, and lots of freckles on her rosy red cheeks." No comma. "How old is he?" S(s)he asked." "When ever(Whenever) he's done, I guess.(,)" I replied." "We're all 3 years apart.(,)" I told her."