Oh my goodness. This is a picture of life and a darn good one. This also serves as a confirmation of sorts to me.
One just never know what God will use to get his point across. I have been on a two week vacation that was much needed. Thanks for sharing Doc. It was nice to see one of your pieces in my file. Hope all is well with you. :)
I like how you essentially gave us the life of a busy bee (drone) and paralled it (without really mentioning it though, a human drone) The allusions to the corporate ladder work well here. The idea that once you're used up you're done...so true of that existence. I found myself feeling sorry for both kinds of busy bees since they are caught and can't escape (well the human ones can, but for some that seems as impossible as for their little black and yellow partners.
I'd say not too much of those television shows at all...clearly you were inspired and what you've written here is pure honey. Sorry couldn't help myself :)
Hello my friend, thanks a lot for taking time to read my poem. your review is very appreciated.
this was amazing
Busy bee
Black and yellow harbinger
Walls of amber colored honey
Cells requiring maintenance oft
"Go. Do. Return. Go. Do. Return..." ---------I absolutely loved it...what a poem...this was so beautiful... so witty exhilarating poem, oh... enjoyable! you were such an inspiration... thanks for posting for us.
this is life isn't it? too much work produced for the queen - literally living in the UK. very nice way of working with the pictures of the bees and real people. Really liked the wasp idea and had never understood the purpose of them until reading this - a free spirit - they are extremely annoying though!
wow. and it reminds me of colony collapse disorder....that thing that is killing the bees....like the mindless droning business kills our souls...sucks the creativity from under our skins. Leaving us hollow. Well done.
I'm going to be the voice of dissent and agreement on this one. On the one hand, this is an excellent metaphor for the proverbial 'rat race' that is the new obsession of modern Americans. The overscheduling of our lives to the point that we have become a people marked by ridiculous success, and early deaths from stress--related diseases. Although, this lifestyle of the new corporate honcho is supported through the efforts of the middle and lower class who are unable to move beyond their status within the invisible caste system of this nation's society due to the fact that opportunities to do so are denied to them either through circumstance, or the deception that they are somehow unable to become more than what they or their familes have been within the complex of our technological civilization. While this caste may not be as obvious as it is in other countries, such as India for example, it is nonetheless present here on our shores, and becoming increasingly obvious to those who know how to precieve it with each passing day. It is rather like the 'hive' of your poem with the workers and drones all working tirelessly under the false pretense of advancement and meaning in order to support the needs and selfish desires of one single bee at the top of the entire colony, yet because of the parasitic way in which their species has set up its civilization should either group cease to perform as expected then the entire hive collapses, and therfore all are trapped in the cycle of birth, life, work, and death. Intepretations and truths all made clear in your piece, and the part that I agree with wholeheartedly. What I do not agree with however, is the technical aspect of the poem since while there are a number of excellet points as I have already stated, they are lost by the structure of the poem which works to muffle or even silence the speaker in some of the stanzas. For example, the opening lines are good, they rhythm isn't strong, but leaves the impression that this piece is building slowly to a fantastic climax. There then are the middle stanzas -
Busy bee
Black and yellow harbinger
Walls of amber colored honey
Cells requiring maintenance oft
"Go. Do. Return. Go. Do. Return..."
The aristocracy of elders demanding
Insights they only see
"Do this." "Why can't you see it? I do."
Days become weeks become months
A blur of empty activity
Freedom from the hive is desired
Except, there is no freedom
To escape is death
Symbiotic synergy demands
Life is in the hive
The rhythm just isn't there, I can't find it, and as a reader it threw me off. I'm not saying that the poem is bad, not in the least, but the flow isn't as smooth and consistent as it has been in your previous works that I have reviewed. There there is this stanza-
Chrysalis
Morph
Transform
Change
Grow
I know that it is supposed to represent the repetition of this oppressive cycle, but I am wondering if there is a different way to represent it since it doesn't fit in with the rest of the poem's character or design? I am drawn, on the one hand I enjoyed the message of this piece, on the other I found it too difficult to follow, and not on par with some of your previous work. Please do not take my words as an attack, my aim is to offer constructive criticism, and maybe it is just something intrinsic about me which is why I did not connect with this poem as I have with others. Either way, please keep up the good work with your writing. I look forward to reading more of your stuff in the future. In the meantime, have a beautiful afternoon.
BJH
Artist • Author • Poet • Preacher • Creative •
I am a thinker, ponderer, assayer of thoughts. I have had a penchant for writing since childhood. I prefer "Doc" as an hommag.. more..