Bravery

Pagemasters Group Challenge #6

The banner flapped noisily in the wind. The early onset of the winter rains made everything gray, wet, and cold. “Bravery,” he muttered out loud. Looking up and left, hiding from the wind, standing in front of his tent, he saw it. Black letters on a white field. “Bravery.”

His eyes drifted north to look along the water smoothed stones of the river bank. The water flowed quickest across the ford throwing up white splashes here and there. The river continued north through the valley between steep hills. It would be here, he thought. Tomorrow or the day after, this narrow would be filled with the shouts and screams of warfare. The river would run red with blood from both sides. At night the birds and other things would come down to the river to feed. In a few days the stench would be unbearable. The farmlands down river would not recover for years. He sighed.

He could hear the hushed conversations in the tents around him. He knew men would be huddled around campfires talking but not saying anything; remembering bits of life and not the coming days’ events. He could almost smell their fear. Too many would die. Too many fathers without sons, wives without husbands. The decision was made.

“Wei! Ready my horse! Zhang! My gear!”

“Yes, general,” they said in unison.

There was a scurry of feet and of motion he could only hear. He did not look back to them and entered his tent.

Closing the flap behind him, he looked around his sparse field tent. Only the basic necessities were there. Kneeling down in front of his shrine he mumbled prayers for his family and lit the incense. He waved it three times to each of his elders and placed the burning incense in its stand. The aroma was pleasing to him. It reminded him of home and happier times. After a few moments more staring into these painted faces of his family, he stood up. He threw off his weather cloak and began to strap on his armor. He could hear his two faithful servants waiting outside.

“You may enter,” was all he said.

The two men cautiously and respectfully entered. The look on their master’s face was hard and set. They did not want to meet his eyes. Carefully, they adjusted his armor and weapons around him. In just a few moments, their master was transformed from a man into a god of war. They feared him.

With the briefest checks of his equipment, he said, “My horse.” With nods and bows, the two men backed out of the tent and held the flaps open for him. The general stood for a moment while they positioned his banner to his back. They assisted him to his saddle and strapped him in. They handed him his weapons and checked the positioning of his spares around the saddle and harnesses.

A young apprentice came running up with a long, weighted lance in his hands. “Will the general be returning this evening?” The young boy asked excitedly.

“No. The monster lies in wait beyond the pass. If I am successful, there will be no war tomorrow. Take the head and the beast dies.”

The eager smile faded from the face of the young apprentice. He just grew up a bit more that day.

“My lance.”

The young apprentice reverently lifted it to his master’s waiting hand. Face set to the north, the general kicked his horse into motion. The sound of the shod feet over the stones brought many men from around fires and out of tents. They watched as the general’s cloak billowed out behind him as his horse splashed across the ford. There were many questions asked of the three servants. They could only tell what they knew.

“The general has gone to take the head of the beast.”

The general’s eyes were focused on the stone covered riverbank in front of him and the narrow opening to the north. As he approached where the hills split open to the plains just below, he could already smell burning wood. He pressed his horse forward to the apex of the hillock. Lying before him were the campfires of the monster from the north. There were so many. It was like looking at the night sky. He urged his horse forward. If he could just make his way to the center of the camp and remove the head of this beast, his people would be spared. He goaded his horse to a trot.

Flapping in the breeze behind his head, strapped to his back was a single banner. It had black letters on a white field. Bravery.

 

Bravery II - a continuation of the story

<a href="http://www.writerscafe.org/link/177185/"><b>Bravery II</b></a>

Author's Note

There is more to come on this. I can already see two more parts to the story.

Reviews

[Carole]

Bravery! Something we all have need of along with perseverance and determination.

The general�s eyes were focused on the stone covered riverbank in front of him and the narrow opening to the north. As he approached where the hills split open to the plains just below, he could already smell burning wood. He pressed his horse forward to the apex of the hillock. Lying before him were the campfires of the monster from the north. There were so many. It was like looking at the night sky. He urged his horse forward. If he could just make his way to the center of the camp and remove the head of this beast, his people would be spared. He goaded his horse to a trot.

Flapping in the breeze behind his head, strapped to his back was a single banner. It had black letters on a white field. Bravery.

(This was the most poignant part of your entire story. This was the picture of bravery and perseverance in my opinion. Some very key words: Focus, pressed his horse forward, he urged his horse forward, he goaded his horse to a trot.) He just kept moving forward--and that is what one must do. Move forward with boldness whatever the situation when bravery is called for.

Thanks for the write, Doc.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Doc, it is very good .. love the title and story.. you are good with your descriptions and dailogue ..
This is very poignant ...

He could hear the hushed conversations in the tents around him. He knew men would be huddled around campfires talking but not saying anything; remembering bits of life and not the coming days' events. He could almost smell their fear. Too many would die. Too many fathers without sons, wives without husbands. The decision was made.

Bravery seems to be needed and is there.. great beginning.

Chloe
xoxo

[Vanessa Whiteley]

I think the description of the banner is well done. The repetition of bravery to explain the meaning of the letters works well. Black letters on a white field. "Bravery." This makes for an effective opening.

I like the way the General muses on the forth coming battle. I have mixed feelings about the decription of the river running red with blood because its been said so many times but I suppose it does capture the horror and reality of war. The river will be packed with bodies and the animals will feed.

I like the descriptions of the general in this. But am uncomfortable with the amount of adverbs you use in the paragraph describing how he is dressed. There are some writers who advice against using adverbs at all because for a good writer they are unnecessary. Others say they should be used as little as possible because they carry more weight. I feel they stand out here.

The two men cautiously and respectfully entered. The look on their master's face was hard and set. They did not want to meet his eyes. They adjusted his armor and the weapons around him with care. In just a few moments, their master was transformed from a man into a god of war. They feared him.

Apart from those small details, I think this is a great story.

[A.L. James]

The story is intense and beautiful. I could smell the musty smell of a linen tent and the campfires mingled with the scent of his horse and leather saddle. It made me want to follow silently to defend him if possible.

[V. K. Harris]

Excellent, I want more, please tell me there is more my friend.

[Emily B]

This was a familiar story in an unfamiliar place. These words were universal: "Too many would die. Too many fathers without sons, wives without husbands. The decision was made." I've known them in moments of living history adventures. Research into the past makes it all too real.

[Helen Woodward]

What a guy!!! Does he do dishes too? Slap my face for disrespect! A good war story about a real man. Sometimes I think bravery and stupidity go hand in hand, he wasn't likely to come back to the tent was he? Well it was highly unlikely. It's well-written Doc...as always.

[Clavus]

This is a well-told scene. You kept the flow going from beginning to end without any snags. The descriptiveness of the environment and the actions of the characters are superb. A goal for future drafts would be to give the readers a feel for what the characters looked like besides painted faces and also more insight as to the general's thoughts and feelings in order to strengthen the mood and more strongly deliver the 'bravery' theme. The overall tale itself is easy and enjoyable to read and I would love to see follow-up with this piece.

[Wulfstan Crumble]

This was a really good read. its rare for me to find a historical piece on here. Especially one set in the far east, in this case China. I think that plotwise and quality wise this is very well done. Your prose flowed effortlessly. There was also a big mythical quality to it. Like an old tale told in the past. It could even be a script for the latest Historical Chinese film.

[Rain]

Doc..
This is an incredible read. I love the placement of your words. I could clearly see the water smoothed stone, and the water lapping along the ford. Wow. Your ability to make the reader see the surrounding scene is amazing.
Definately could be expanded, and hold the reader's attention. I felt as if I was there, in the tent, watching him prepare for battle. I think the writing here is brilliant.

[TL Boehm]

there is a surreal quality to this that makes it even more intense...and a foreshadowing that crawls up the spine to rest at the base of my skull - daring me to turn around in my well lit office...
Intense and vivid...with a possibility of more to come...
a great visual write.