Exhaustion

For Pagemaster's Challenge #3; I searched for tunes to go wtih this. I found Iron Maiden's tune Aces High, about WWI pilots and that got me thinking of life in England under the zepplin and bomber attacks and the squadrons along the trenches. I tried to p

Sleeping is being awake
Being awake is like a dream

We are the fortunate few
So close to the Metro tunnels, we hide
The constant thunder of a storm of metal and H.E.
The earth quakes when they land nearby

That was two summers ago
Or, was that just a dream too

The smell of petrol is never ending
The death stares in their eyes haunt me
Drinks all around! do not take away the threat
Tomorrow, tonight, today, we fly

Faces covered in oil and powder discharge
Shaky voices, shaky hands, thinly guised grins
We are the few, the lucky few
We fly, we fly to fight, we fly to win

I close my eyes, they are there to greet me
Chums from just a few days ago, lost
The conversations, the drinks, the arguments
They are all real, yet not

Sleep. It does not come
I close my eyes, they are there.
Sleeping is just like being awake
Being awake is like a dream, a nightmare I live

The choke, the sputter, the cough, the roar
Bouncing along a field at full throttle
The soft lift, the circling to join up
Some days we fight, some days we live

Everything is drained, drink doesn’t sound good
Daily I fly, daily I die,… if only just a bit more
The choke, the sputter, the cough, the roar
Over the trenches once again I go

I promise myself, one day I will sleep
There is a girl back home, a dream I once had
I promise myself, one day I will sleep
There is a girl back home, a dream…

Reviews

[Blackbirdsong]

This poem feels like my life. When I was younger naps were punishment, now they're what I look forward to as soon as I wake up. You really capture well what that feels like and you manage to do it while still maintaining your structure throughout. Great job.

[Fran Marie]

A very well crafted write which takes the reader there~Well DonE!~Fran marie

[Donald Meikle]

The endless ready room coffee pot came later, first came the crump of Jerry's blitz. You have definitely put yourself into the sleepless unending daily death of fighter pilots. No matter what the war

[Eric]

I'm a commuter so I understand this kind of exhaustion all too well. And you capture it like a true captain. Well done!

[TL Boehm]

I read without the music as well. There is a staccato cadence to this. Almost like gunfire. Dont know if this was intentional but it works well. It has a disconnect through it - just like the mind functions under stress....sleep deprivation...
A gutteral piece. Well worded. Well written.

[Collie]

this was a very good. I felt the raw emotions and the fear. I think I preferred reading it without the music. I felt a bit of a different tempo when I read it vs the speed of the tune. but I enjoyed it and thank you.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Doc, this is really a great one.. i love everything about it..

Everything is drained, drink doesn�t sound good
Daily I fly, daily I die,� if only just a bit more
The choke, the sputter, the cough, the roar
Over the trenches once again I go

you have well captured the horrors of war, especailly this one.

But you dream of a girl back home.. this is atleast one good dream..

Chloe
xoxo

[Vanessa Whiteley]

I�m glad that I revisited this Doc. The more I read it the more powerful I think it is. I am certain that this is the best piece of writing I've seen from you. It is very vivid. Those opening lines are very strong the antithesis in the opening couplet works well.

Sleeping is being awake
Being awake is like a dream

I like the confusion between dream and reality and how they blend into nightmare. Helen's review sums this up neatly.

You really have your finger on the pulse of the ugliness of war and how it's devastation plays out in your day-to-day living and stuffs up your sleep routine with nightmares that won't stop plagueing with vivid images of death, destruction and discomfort.


Sleep. It does not come
I close my eyes, they are there.
Sleeping is just like being awake
Being awake is like a dream, a nightmare I live

The decreasing time scale in �Tomorrow, tonight, today, we fly� is powerful. The Intertextualisation of �We are the few, the lucky few� also, works well as does the repetition throughout. It increases the intensity. �The choke, the sputter, the cough, the roar�

There is a true empathy in this poem. I think you really do place yourself in their reality. The ending is tender.

I promise myself, one day I will sleep.

Without doubt the Iron Maiden tune being about WWI pilots is suited to the theme and the thrust of the planes but I find it difficult to multi-task so while it is well-suited, I, also, find it off-putting being somewhat of a head-banger and not made for quiet contemplation.

[Robert Luna]

Wonderful piece. You really captured the existence of something that we all feel at times. This a great read. I so glad to see you branching out into other areas of writing.


Wonderful Job!!!

[Rain]

Great piece,Doc.
I had trouble reading it as a poem. I imagined peering into a diary. You brought the horrow of war to paper. I thought you captured the fear perfectly, and the willingness to die and cry,and dread the morning. Great job. Your friend,Ray..