Chapter 1: Origin

The origins of the universe and the earth

1. In the beginning, there was only void. Black and infinite, It was without form and substance. And ruling over the void was Thedrus. As infinite as the void, He was everything and nothing; the beginning and the end; the origin and the terminus. In the void he drifted, vast and silent.

2. Thedrus, possessing the power to create and destroy, created the passage of time, so that day might follow night; and the void was illuminated with His ethereal luminescence. And seeing the infinite emptiness of the void, Thedrus created the universe, to fill the void and give it substance and form.

3. Then Thedrus created the firmament of crystal and it shone like a great jewel, diffusing Thedrus’ empyrean fluorescence, glimmering in a thousand motes of light and being so named the heavens.

4. Thedrus reveled in the beauty of his creation, but desired to share all that he created. He reached within his breast and drew forth seven shards of his heart. Casting them into the firmament, he breathed into them life and poured all his love and power into their form. These, his children, lived in the firmament and he was greatly pleased with their laughter and song.

5. With the passing of the days and the nights, they aged and became strong and curious. They desired to create as they had been created. And so, within the firmament, Thedrus created the earth, formless and without function, so that they might create wonders of their own. He imbued each of them with the powers of creation and destruction. To each of his children, Thedrus appointed a task, as all exhibited their own gifts.

6. Thorus, the eldest, He made God of the Form, to mold and shape the Earth as he saw fit.

7. Emrus, twin of Thorus, He made God of the Function, to control the tides and the motion of all the world.

8. Drios, whose voice He loved above all the others, He made Goddess of the Wind, to breathe her lovely song into the sky.

9. Prakos, with eyes of deepest blue, He made God of the Flow, to create the waters and the rains; to fill the land and make it lush.

10. Crius, who most loved the light of the firmament, He made Goddess of Flora, to create trees and growing things which loved the light as much as she.

11. Feros, twin of Crius, he made God of Fauna, to create animals to populate the land and fishes to populate the waters.

12. Clios, the youngest and most beloved of Thedrus, He made Goddess of Beauty and Spirit, to imbibe the creations of her siblings with loveliness and the soul.

13. And His children created such a multitude of forms and breathed them to life and cast them about upon the Earth as a farmer casts seeds onto his fields.

14. They created soaring mountains and abyssal canyons, great oceans and rivers, sprawling forests and endless fields of grasses. They created animals and insects, fishes and whales; animals of every shape and size. The creatures populated all the land and all the waters and fed upon the grasses and upon the prey, each according to its disposition; and the great wheel of life turned upon the land. The creatures of the earth bore young and died and their species grew and prospered.

15. But, Clios did not create, for she did not know how, and she was teased and ridiculed by her siblings, whose awareness grew as their creations became more numerous and themselves more powerful. She cried in despair to Thedrus and He drew her up to Him and whispered in her ear. You, my most beloved, have more power and more potential than any of your brothers or sisters. You hold within you the power to create such perfection of forms that the firmament itself could not contain them. Look within yourself and know the way.

16. Clios went down to Earth and among the creations of her siblings found a cavern deep in the roots of a mountain. She went inside and tried to create forms of incomparable beauty.

17. For ten days and ten nights, she toiled alone in the darkness, trying to create a form of absolute perfection. Time and again she failed, her forms distorted and terrible to behold. At the first hour of the tenth day, she sat back among her creations and wept bitter tears, which fell onto the forms and gave them life. Filled with the bitterness of her sorrow, their hearts turned dark and wicked and filled with hate. Frightened by them, she swept them into the depths of the Earth and turned to go from that place, but could not.

18. One form remained lost in darkness on the cavern floor, alone and afraid. Clios took the form into her hands and held it to her and breathed into it her own soul. Warmth spread and the form took shape, its fear, hatred, and malice replaced with strength and peace of heart. Clios brought her form with her from the darkness and presented it to her siblings. And in her heart she chose a name for her form: mankind.

19. Jealousy filled her brothers and sisters at the beauty and perfection of mankind. Clios proclaimed proudly that her form was more wonderful than any other creation upon the earth and their jealousy turned to blinding rage. They took mankind away from her and as they had created such wondrous forms in times of happiness, in the fullness of their rage they destroyed their sister. They destroyed all but her soul, which resided still in her creation.

20. Thedrus called to them then and when they had gathered He praised them for the wondrousness of their creations. He set his eyes upon mankind and filled with delight, asked them which one had created such a beautiful and perfect creature.

21. His children began fighting amongst themselves, each claiming to have created mankind and He silenced them with a great streak of lightning and the crack of thunder. I see Clios’ soul within mankind. Where is she so that I might congratulate her on her creation? Guilt filled the hearts of His children and none would tell their Father what had become of His most beloved child. He looked into their hearts and saw the wickedness of what they had done. Rage and fury descended upon Him and His wrath was terrible to behold.

22. Thedrus took from His children the power to create and destroy. He shut them off from the void, entrapping them forever in the firmament. Overwhelmed with sorrow, Thedrus retired into the void, leaving his children distraught and alone. They cried up to him, begging his forgiveness, but he did not answer. And the children of Thedrus, in their desolation, turned on mankind and set their hearts to corrupting the perfection of their sister’s creation.

23. Only Drios took pity on mankind and taught the first men to think and speak. She taught them to control the other forms and made them masters of all that fell under their gaze. She taught them to build and to sculpt and to mold the world around them into their own creations. She taught them to harness the wind and attain mastery of the seas. And through her teachings, mankind prospered.

Reviews

[Tacitus]

well, yes and no. This is supposed to be a prequel to the main story I'm writing... I just got a bout of inspiration and started writing this first. My main storyline is a fantasy Iliad/Odyssey type story. On a whim I had created an origin story and liked it so much that I adapted it to the mainline story. Think of this as an Old Testament or Silmarillion.

That's kinda why I wrote it the way I did. I wanted it to be kinda like the bible in terms of chapter and verse and whatnot.

[Paul]

Documentation
12/11/17
1:23 PM U.S. CST
My Review of "Chapter 1: Origin" by Tacitus
by PB Jacobs (www.writerscafe.org)

Ok, are you whipping a chapter summary draft up, kinda like the Storyline Draft thing I do? You have a good thing going on, as it pay's to get your administrative writing, at least kind of straight, and out in the open. This way, you know where you're at when you get back to your writing.

Do be aware that your writing might just stir up chowhounding scumbucket's who get bright ideas to rip you off. Excuses novice and below thieve's make...

I notice that your writing seem's to ramble, here and there, and you might want to be aware of this, as some people will probably only read to a certain point, and give up, as their mind's are clogged with noise.

You could write something like a remedial prologue that help's your audience adapt and get used to your writing style, so you don't have to change anything about your writing. This would help some people to bust the bad guy's, as well.

I'm going to be doing this with all of my novella's as some people make dime a dozen excuses with my work. They always have something to gripe about, and a Remedial Prologue would take their thief and excuses away, from there to there, and it's a big there to there, if you ask me. Just a tad bit of food for thought.

I'm making mine kind of like a custom novella author bio (that's about me, and how I write, and what condition's I'm writing under, etc.). This would come in handy in other way's, as well, such as for Agent's and Publisher's.

I'm thinking about doing mine by the field, in at least one section, and it doesn't have to be a lot of input, just enough to get the right people rolling in the right direction.

PB Jacobs