Where I Cannot Go

Laughter now mock me.

A sound I cannot recreate...

And as sadness overcome me

I allow it to wash me away.

What is there to fight for,

When pain has made me numb?

You voice is now but a dream

Which has long, long gone.

And I cannot follow...

My song is a lonely one.

But I hope, maybe tomorrow,

My heart will turn to stone.

The day I look upon your face,

And tears don't threaten to fall...

I'll know that I have died

My insides shut off to all.

Author's Note

Didn't work very long on this one... Just trying to get back to writing. Please comment on meaning mostly... editing has not ben done. Thanks!

Reviews

[Richard McLin]

You wrote that you didn't work long on this one. I just want to say that you wouldn't know that by reading it. This is one of the best poems I've read in some time. Great work
-Richard

[Jessica Lima]

Thank You so much. But I sometimes wonder why I write since I'm not really as good as some people I know. maybe if I spent more time editing... idk. but thanks! ill return the favor and check some of your stuff!

[Richard McLin]

I'd appreciate your input.

[49k_jdys]

Beautiful use of rhythm. I loved how easy it was to read this and understand the emotion behind it. Sometimes the more emotional pieces have awkward rhythm, but this was great. One quick adjustment to consider: "overcome" should be "overcomes."

[Jessica Lima]

Thank You so much!!! I don't usually edit anything so I'm aware there are some mistakes. But feelings are imperfect and this poem is how I felt at the time.

[Poetic License]

I can soooo feel the agony of this piece, and heaven knows I can identify.

[Inda]

I like the story here, but it does need a little focus. I think it's hard to pin this as inner struggle or just a struggle between two people, but overall i like it and i always like the overall tone of your poems.

[emipoemi]

If you're aware of your spelling errors and grammatical mistakes, then I won't point them out.

If you want an assessment on the meaning.......The title conjures up a less profound image than what the poem ended up talking about, so I got confused as to how to interpret it. The overall image also appeared as a little here and there (like a Picasso painting), and so I would suggest more tweaking and playing around with lines/words/ideas a bit more, so you "collaborate" with the poem more to achieve what you both want to say (remember that the poet is just a medium through which the poem flows- the holder of the pen, if you will- and the poem is the spirit that has chosen to flow out of such a medium. Listen to the spirit and let it speak to you. Don't control it. "Collaborate" with it, but don't control it. Only then will you find gold). Good start, though, overall. I did enjoy the solemnity of it.