Inner Struggle

Every morning when I wake

I ask myself why:

Why have I been given,

a second chance to try?

When my strength is gone

And my faith has died...

Only I hear the screams,

Echoing inside my mind.

And still I smile...

As they give me 'the eye'.

I hear their whispers...

"If only she would try..."

Makes me mad,

And I choke on a cry,

It drowns me slowly,

As I bleed from the inside.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

This has deep emotion that elicits a je-ne-sais-quoi sensation. It questions our existence in a philosophical way and then shows us the internal battle. The musicality gets a bit wonky in a couple of places ("as strangers give me the eye" is one of them.....there's no need for "strangers" since previously you have used the impersonal "they" and that has a greater power to it.....the other place is "echoing inside my mind".....the way the first three lines flow into each other isn't complemented by this line, given by the way the line flow, you're first hard down beat is the "side" in " inside" which is a lot of syllables in to stretch the line to...and so it doesn't sound quite as good to the ear as it should). Also, is "downs me slowly" supposed to read "drowns"? Just wondering. This has potential overall, and is indeed poised to being a poetic gem. Well done!

[Jessica Lima]

I have made a couple of changes. Thank You for the valuable review. I have not written any poetry for a while, and put simply... I am losing my grip on how to write anything at all. My mind is very confusing so my writing would be a reflection. :)

[emipoemi]

It reads much better. I would slide that "only" after "i hear", otherwise it would appear to have a different connotation than the one you're going for. "echoing inside my mind" thus reads a bit better, but the first hard beat still lands on "side" which is what I was trying to steer you away from. The first hard beat needs to happen a bit earlier for the musicality to flow smoother. But it reads much better overall, and the narrative is thus made stronger.