RidiculousA Story by MaxUm, I'm not even sure. I just finished reading Catch-22 and was inspired to write something that made no sense whatsoever. So... here it is.He
stood in front of the building. Straightening his tie, he took a deep breath
and opened the door. Inside
was a pleasant woman sitting upright in a small chair. Nearby was a large desk
outfitted with a computer. He nervously approached her. “Um,
excuse me?” “May
I help you?” she replied politely. “I’m
here for a job interview.” “Are
we hiring?” she asked abruptly. “Um,
I assume you are. I do have an interview.” “What
kind of interview?” He
was growing confused. “A
job interview.” “Oh,
of course! What is your job position?” “No,
I don’t have a job yet.” “Then
how can you have a job interview?” He
took a deep breath and stared at her for a few moments before sighing deeply. “I’m
looking to be hired here.” “Oh.
Well you could stand on the desk.” He
wrinkled his brow quizzically before it dawned on him. “No,
not higher, hired.” “Well,
what if we hired you to stand on the desk?” “Can
I-“ She
cut him off. “Then
you’d be hired to be higher.” “Can-“ She
cut him off again. “Since
you seem so keen on being higher.” “I
never wanted to be higher! I don’t know where you got that from!” She
frowned. “Then
why are you here?” “Can
I please just speak with your boss?” “Oh,
of course! Let me just call him down.” She
reached over to the desk and grabbed the phone. “Yes,
Mr. Jones? We have someone down here looking to be hired. I already told him,
but he won’t stand on the desk. Well, he also said something about a job
interview? He said he doesn’t have one. I don’t know either. Well, either way,
I think he wants to see you. Alright, I’ll send you right down.” She
hung up the phone and picked it up again, cheerfully dialing another number. “Mr.
Jones? Yes, there’s a man here looking for you. I know this is unexpected, but
he looks important. I think he might be some sort of inspector.” He
massaged his temples. “Ok,
I’ll let him know.” She
hung up the phone and turned to him. “I’m
sorry, but Mr. Jones is busy at the moment.” He
was taken aback. “But
I was asked to be here at this specific time! What is he busy with?” “He
said he was busy talking to me.” His
jaw dropped. “But
you’re not talking to him anymore.” Her
face lit up. “That’s
true! Hold on one moment.” She
reached over to the desk and dialed the phone again. “Mr.
Jones? Yes, this man just pointed out to me that I am no longer talking to you.
Perhaps you could see him now? Ok, one moment.” She covered the receiver with
her hand and leaned over to him. “Mr. Jones just pointed out to me that I am
talking to him again.” He
looked at his watch, annoyed now. “Maybe
I could go see him, instead of him coming to see me.” She
cleared her throat. “Maybe
he could come see you, sir, instead of you coming to see him.” She
listened for a moment before turning to him again. “He
says that would be too much trouble.” “Look,
I have somewhere to be in half an hour. Is there anything I can do to speed
this along?” “Where
do you have to be?” “I
don’t think that’s any of your business.” “What
do you know about business? You don’t have a job.” He
was enraged now. “Let
me tell YOU something-“ “Uh
huh.” She
cut him off, talking into the receiver again. “Ok,
I’ll tell him.” She
hung up the phone and turned to him once more. “He
just informed me that while I was talking to you, he was no longer talking to
me.” He
stared at her. “He’s
on his way now.” He
took a deep breath and tried to calm down. For the first time he noticed that
the woman was sitting several feet away from the desk. “Why
aren’t you sitting at the desk?” “Why
would I sit at the desk?” He
thought for a moment. “Wouldn’t
it be a lot more convenient to be closer to your own desk?” “Oh,
this isn’t my desk.” “Then
who’s is it?” “I
guess the company owns it. It’s always just been here.” “No,
I mean who normally sits there?” “Mr.
Jones.” He
almost died. “Where
is he?” he practically yelled. “He’s
on his way to see you.” “From
where?” “I’m
not sure. He spends all of his time at his desk.” “But
his desk is right there.” “Well
then he must be right there.” “But
he’s not right there.” “Well
then where is he?” “That’s
what I asked you!” “Well,
if he spends all of his time at his desk, and you say his desk is right there,
then he must be right there.” “I
didn’t say his desk was there, you did.” “Why
would I say that?” “Because
that’s his desk.” “It
is? I thought his desk was upstairs?” “You
said that was his desk!” “No,
I said it was the company’s desk.” “Right,
but then you said Mr. Jones usually sits there.” “If
he usually sits there, then where is he?” A
man walked through the front door. “Hello
Mr. Jones, this strange man is looking for you.” “Not
now Ms. Thomas, I’m busy talking to you.” “Of
course, I’m sorry. What are we talking about?” “This
strange man here.” “I
think he’s looking for a job as an inspector.” “No,
Mr. Jones, any job. I’m not sure where she got the inspector idea from.” “Oh,
well that’s easy enough. Please hop on the train.” He
reached behind him and patted an invisible seat. “What
train.” “Why,
the train I’m on of course.” “There’s
no train.” “If
there isn’t a train, how can I be on it?” “You’re
not on a train.” “Why
would I have a train in our front lobby if I wasn’t going to be on it?” He
sighed and took his imaginary seat. Mr. Jones began walking forward, so he
followed. “So
I understand you’re hiring accountants?” “Don’t
be ridiculous,” Mr. Jones replied. © 2010 MaxAuthor's Note
Featured Review
Reviews
|
Stats
138 Views
1 Review Shelved in 1 Library
Added on January 20, 2010Last Updated on January 20, 2010 AuthorMaxTXAboutI'm kinda new to writing, but I had this idea for a character one day that's been slowly turning into a massive book idea that I finally just had to start writing. So pretty much I'm joining to see if.. more..Writing
|