Ridiculous

Ridiculous

A Story by Max
"

Um, I'm not even sure. I just finished reading Catch-22 and was inspired to write something that made no sense whatsoever. So... here it is.

"

He stood in front of the building. Straightening his tie, he took a deep breath and opened the door.

Inside was a pleasant woman sitting upright in a small chair. Nearby was a large desk outfitted with a computer. He nervously approached her.

“Um, excuse me?”

“May I help you?” she replied politely.

“I’m here for a job interview.”

“Are we hiring?” she asked abruptly.

“Um, I assume you are. I do have an interview.”

“What kind of interview?”

He was growing confused.

“A job interview.”

“Oh, of course! What is your job position?”

“No, I don’t have a job yet.”

“Then how can you have a job interview?”

He took a deep breath and stared at her for a few moments before sighing deeply.

“I’m looking to be hired here.”

“Oh. Well you could stand on the desk.”

He wrinkled his brow quizzically before it dawned on him.

“No, not higher, hired.”

“Well, what if we hired you to stand on the desk?”

“Can I-“

She cut him off.

“Then you’d be hired to be higher.”

“Can-“

She cut him off again.

“Since you seem so keen on being higher.”

“I never wanted to be higher! I don’t know where you got that from!”

She frowned.

“Then why are you here?”

“Can I please just speak with your boss?”

“Oh, of course! Let me just call him down.”

She reached over to the desk and grabbed the phone.

“Yes, Mr. Jones? We have someone down here looking to be hired. I already told him, but he won’t stand on the desk. Well, he also said something about a job interview? He said he doesn’t have one. I don’t know either. Well, either way, I think he wants to see you. Alright, I’ll send you right down.”

She hung up the phone and picked it up again, cheerfully dialing another number.

“Mr. Jones? Yes, there’s a man here looking for you. I know this is unexpected, but he looks important. I think he might be some sort of inspector.”

He massaged his temples.

“Ok, I’ll let him know.”

She hung up the phone and turned to him.

“I’m sorry, but Mr. Jones is busy at the moment.”

He was taken aback.

“But I was asked to be here at this specific time! What is he busy with?”

“He said he was busy talking to me.”

His jaw dropped.

“But you’re not talking to him anymore.”

Her face lit up.

“That’s true! Hold on one moment.”

She reached over to the desk and dialed the phone again.

“Mr. Jones? Yes, this man just pointed out to me that I am no longer talking to you. Perhaps you could see him now? Ok, one moment.” She covered the receiver with her hand and leaned over to him. “Mr. Jones just pointed out to me that I am talking to him again.”

He looked at his watch, annoyed now.

“Maybe I could go see him, instead of him coming to see me.”

She cleared her throat.

“Maybe he could come see you, sir, instead of you coming to see him.”

She listened for a moment before turning to him again.

“He says that would be too much trouble.”

“Look, I have somewhere to be in half an hour. Is there anything I can do to speed this along?”

“Where do you have to be?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business.”

“What do you know about business? You don’t have a job.”

He was enraged now.

“Let me tell YOU something-“

“Uh huh.”

She cut him off, talking into the receiver again.

“Ok, I’ll tell him.”

She hung up the phone and turned to him once more.

“He just informed me that while I was talking to you, he was no longer talking to me.”

He stared at her.

“He’s on his way now.”

He took a deep breath and tried to calm down. For the first time he noticed that the woman was sitting several feet away from the desk.

“Why aren’t you sitting at the desk?”

“Why would I sit at the desk?”

He thought for a moment.

“Wouldn’t it be a lot more convenient to be closer to your own desk?”

“Oh, this isn’t my desk.”

“Then who’s is it?”

“I guess the company owns it. It’s always just been here.”

“No, I mean who normally sits there?”

“Mr. Jones.”

He almost died.

“Where is he?” he practically yelled.

“He’s on his way to see you.”

“From where?”

“I’m not sure. He spends all of his time at his desk.”

“But his desk is right there.”

“Well then he must be right there.”

“But he’s not right there.”

“Well then where is he?”

“That’s what I asked you!”

“Well, if he spends all of his time at his desk, and you say his desk is right there, then he must be right there.”

“I didn’t say his desk was there, you did.”

“Why would I say that?”

“Because that’s his desk.”

“It is? I thought his desk was upstairs?”

“You said that was his desk!”

“No, I said it was the company’s desk.”

“Right, but then you said Mr. Jones usually sits there.”

“If he usually sits there, then where is he?”

A man walked through the front door.

“Hello Mr. Jones, this strange man is looking for you.”

“Not now Ms. Thomas, I’m busy talking to you.”

“Of course, I’m sorry. What are we talking about?”

“This strange man here.”

“I think he’s looking for a job as an inspector.”

“No, Mr. Jones, any job. I’m not sure where she got the inspector idea from.”

“Oh, well that’s easy enough. Please hop on the train.”

He reached behind him and patted an invisible seat.

“What train.”

“Why, the train I’m on of course.”

“There’s no train.”

“If there isn’t a train, how can I be on it?”

“You’re not on a train.”

“Why would I have a train in our front lobby if I wasn’t going to be on it?”

He sighed and took his imaginary seat. Mr. Jones began walking forward, so he followed.

“So I understand you’re hiring accountants?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Mr. Jones replied.

© 2010 Max


Author's Note

Max
Written in a little under two hours, so odds are there are several mistakes. It's more for entertainment than anything else.

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Featured Review

Haha! I can really identify with the character, having to deal with people like that would drive me up the walls.
Very abrupt but fiting ending. It could have easily continued forever, but luckily it didn't. You kept it well under the limits of what a reader can keep up with. I can easily picture this whole scene as a part of a monty python sketch or comedy of some sort. :D

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Haha! I can really identify with the character, having to deal with people like that would drive me up the walls.
Very abrupt but fiting ending. It could have easily continued forever, but luckily it didn't. You kept it well under the limits of what a reader can keep up with. I can easily picture this whole scene as a part of a monty python sketch or comedy of some sort. :D

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on January 20, 2010
Last Updated on January 20, 2010

Author

Max
Max

TX



About
I'm kinda new to writing, but I had this idea for a character one day that's been slowly turning into a massive book idea that I finally just had to start writing. So pretty much I'm joining to see if.. more..

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