To the Boy I´ll Never Know

I can see you, 

Walking through the silence and empty stares,

I often wonder if I´m the only one who cares,

There´s something below the surface that I cannot bare,

While everyone pushes past you without a second glare,

Your insecurities fill your eyes,

I think I´m paralyzed,

The mirrors spin lies inside of you,

I think I´m wasting time,

I´m not really here,

I´m just falling away, waiting to disappear,

Take me higher,

Bury me farther, 

Get out of my head,

Let me sleep,

Without my skin unshed, your face purifying my head,

You look so innocent,

Kill me before I end my descent,

And the fear tangles me within myself,

Positioning me upon this shelf of doubt,

And my own selfishness cannot bring my voice about,

When I feel you come near,

And my mind holds you close and dear,

I´m not really here,

I´m just falling away, waiting to disappear,

Let me sleep, dream that your mind´s at my side,

Without my perverse delusions, your face polluting my head,

What have I become?

Come and kill me before I´m dead,

But please don´t just walk right through me again,

Don´t fade away again,

Don´t leave me to wither again,

When my lungs begin to swallow my nervous skin, caving in,

And I´m breathing into what could´ve been,

I´m sorry...

Author's Note

Please tell me if there´s anything I need to fix or improve, I´m still kind of working on this poem so sorry if it´s not that good. As always your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Reviews

[Inject Positivity]

Well the things i loved about this poetry:
1) it has true feelings
2) the words you have used are appropriate to make your feelings reach to the reader's mind and heart
3) very well balanced poetry
4) the way you have presented it is quite brilliant.......
Absolute pleasure reading it......Well done....God bless you mate.....Full rating....

[Mark Witterick]

That is a very moving poem. I like your style. I feel close to it.

[JMaster1]

Your insecurities fill your eyes,
I think I´m paralyzed,
The mirrors spin lies inside of you,
I think I´m wasting time

My Fav :) good work

[Bear]

Critique: (There´s something below the surface that I cannot bare) bare or bear?
(While everyone pushes past you without a second glare) glare meaning "a fiercely or angrily piercing look" the way you have this sentence worded doesn't fit with your intent. I would like to offer an alternative wording "While everyone pushes past you with only a glare".
Question: Did you plan the rhyme scheme or did it just happen and that's why there is an interruption in the scheme?

Review: I really like the concept and the way you are developing it, the soul searching and mental journey sounds realistically plausible. Well done, I give it four out of five Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

[Cool Girl]

Great piece! Very deep and meaningful! I loved it! :)

[dramamine]

Thank you :)

[Cool Girl]

No problem :)

[AaronFreitas]

This is a really well thought out, raw and honest write my friend. I like the darkness... love the honesty and the way your pour out your emotions into this write. No one can feel exactly what you feel. The best you can do is try to explain those feelings and you did that perfectly in this write. Eventually we find happiness... sometimes when we least expect it :) Stay positive my friend and great write :)

[dramamine]

Thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate it.

[Krizito]

"...Don't walk write through me again
Don't fade away again
Don't leave me to wither again"
You've got a great and powerful piece, loved it.

[dramamine]

Thank you so much :)

[Willard Wells]

Lots of stuff in this piece. I see and feel your blood and pain on the page. I don't care for the structure, but that's a personal thing and it's your work and your choice.

All the depression and pain you feel now will fade to some degree as you add a few years and your hormones are not raging. Forget what others say and do since only your view and love of yourself matter.

Well done.

[dramamine]

Thank you, I really appreciate it :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

It's a lot of feelings and thoughts put in this piece. i loved it.

[dramamine]

Thank you :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

you're welcome :)