A Man, a Jar, a Death

The air begins to feel a little thin.

As I drown in the oceans of what could’ve been.

The scabs are starting to form on my sins.

When I awake to find myself alone.

Raindrops bleeding from my bones, wishing for a place to call home.

In the light of darkness, I begin to understand.

Polluted wind blankets my lungs.

And in the ashes of dawn, I come undone.

Then I saw him, jar in hand.

A dust-covered sun showed me the way, he knew it was too late.

He handed me the jar and began to speak,

“I know the stars will fade away,

And the smiles inside can never stay,

But one day when you are gray,

Remember this before you decay,

The blood will wash it all away,

And all that you know will be buried in this grave.”

I looked inside the jar.

And saw that it held my bones.

He began to fade away and the breath I breathed was not my own.

As I feel the glass shattering against the endless sands.

And the blood seeping through my hand.

And the skin beginning to break, to wash it all away.

Author's Note

A crappy little poem I wrote in 30 minutes, anyway please let me know your thoughts.

Reviews

[Bear]

Long ago I had a professor tell me that if I didn't care enough about something to give it a name then why should people care enough to read it, so give it a name! It is a vague on understanding in a few places so let me ask a question or two: This sentence stands alone (The scabs are starting to form on my sins.) why the scabs and what sins? You need to support this sentence giving some detail to give us a better understanding.
Next question: You say (When I awake to find myself alone.) but you made no reference of anyone being with you so who were you with before?
Interesting prospective, though it seems dark in nature there is a feeling of hope that comes through. There are a few cultures that gather the bones after the flesh decays, but yours is the first poem I have ever read that speaks of it. Than makes your poem both original and unique, well done my friend. Standing Ovation! Clap! Clap!

[Not here]

This reminds me of a twenty one pilots song. But great poem all the same :) sorry i havent reviewed your work much lately. ive been missing out, i think, since this is so good

[dramamine]

Thank you :) And yes it is greatly inspired by the song A Car, a Torch, a Death by Twenty One Pilots, which is one of my favorites. And don't be sorry it's completely fine, if anything I should be the one that's sorry since I never review any of your poems. But I have read quite a few and I think you're a great writer. Thank you again :)

[Not here]

thank you very much :) and i love that song a lottttttt

[....................]

regret is a fickle entity, capable of pulling us into a dark abyss where is can certainly feel like we are drowning...i love the imagery you present in this piece, Twiggy...'scabs forming on sins...raindrops bleeding from my bones...the light of darkness...polluted wind blankets my lungs...the ashes of dawn' and so on are well-crafted...as i read this i am reminded of Ebeneezer Scrooge and his meeting with the third ghost, Death...the ending may be read two ways, but I am hopeful that it is a positive one and that the speaker will have an opportunity to unload some of that regret...well-done

[Emily]

I really like it!
Keep it up!!