Birth

"What do you want to do with your life, Ivy?"

"I want to make people happy," She smiled warmly, infectiously. And in doing so, I did too. 

I want to start where everything began. I want to start where she made fun of me wearing such a ridiculous tie-dye shirt. 

Or maybe I want to start when I first heard her laugh and it made every inch of my aching body expel all of the weight that it was holding, all of those childish fears and embarrassing moments that have ever occurred in my life. I suppose she gave off this sense of security that not even my mother could present. I suppose that that was due to her lack of knowledge in caring for a child; Constantly partying and f*****g other men because she was never good enough for my father that seemed to lose all interest in her after she informed him of her fatal pregnancy. 

I suppose a lot of people are mistakes. They just don't know it. My mother was open about informing me that I was a mistake. But I can conclude, and make the plethora of "I suppose" dissipate, that I was, and always will be a mistake.

And I'm okay with that. 

"You're really beautiful, Ivy." 

"You are too, Jeff. More than I." 

I woke up screaming again, and my mother was banging on the door, asking if I was alright. It's a hellishly beautiful nightmare, seeing the person you love. You go to all of these places. You go and have all of these memories. You go and share all of these kisses.

But the worst part is that you have to wake up to reality again. 

"Jeff, I talked to Doctor Maria today. I scheduled an appointment. And I think it-" She stopped talking and looked at the wreckage I was. Her shriveled up child, his shoulders hunched over, letting his tears drip into a bowl of low-fat milk. She pushed the chair out from under her and rose. 

I fled to the sanctuary of my room.  

"What's wrong?"

"I'mfeelingemptyandworthlessandImissmydad."

"It's okay Jeff... I'll always be here...

I promise."

 p

r

 o

 m

i

s

e

.

I fell asleep to my mind working itself enough to become a paradox, searching for answers and screaming if the promise she made was kept or not. 

Author's Note

"You can love someone so much but you can ever love someone as much as you can miss them."

Reviews

[L.Edward]

Deeply visceral, gritty and cerebral. Interesting combination.

[Zero_Edge88]

Constantly I'm in a struggle for two different forces in my mind. The one side is the one posting this while the other is the one who is allowing this to happen unwillingly. Regards to the review I made with "The Ashes" I must say that the existentialist point of view came down knocking on this particular episode. The balance of reality and dream struggling to get by. Rise above reality vs dream the nightmare for that Jeff must ponder. From what I am looking at but here's a different view.

There we find a birth of a new character, Ivy, where there is so much to discover as to who she is. Women have always been the constant myth/legend and in a way you bring her. Not to be the one in any relationship (or never had to call someone a girlfriend affectionately), the aching thought of how Jeff communicates to her through the dreams is how someone would communicate with one in real life...through the dreams. Contorted as it may be but it is the view one can perceive. However there is an interesting remark of Jeff missing his dad as if not only the woman he could confide with presumably besides his mother he mentions of a father. Perhaps this woman might lead him into something that will get into something bigger later.

I'm fascinated as to how you stylized promise towards the end as if it was a whisper broken into pieces. Like the word itself in the winds it is broken down to those who see it differently when they know there have been too many broken ones in their life.

Your note I must say,

What is in love but a connection between two souls that have been swimming in the star ocean of which they have wandered for far too long. As they are not reunited by the connection but a lost affection between the two for the degree of loving someone is immeasurable as to the lengths of missing them is one even too great to risk.

Have a great day and enjoy the weekend! I have a huge deadline to finish, got to turn in my work to publish it! Haha :)

[nihilistictablelamp]

Thank you for the review, it was quite lengthy lol. And I hope for the same with you, and good luck with your work :)