The Hazy Shade of Winter

A Story by Rashid

I could hear her tears, I could feel her body around me. I just wish that I could see her future, absent from me.

My memory of this is not as clear as it used to be, but I don't leave no pages empty. And this one is a hefty one to fill. It was just another evening of January. She had a dog she didn't love, and she had to walk with it every night. They call Baku the city of winds for a reason, and as a outsider she hated all of it. Would never wear anything warm and hate the wind and the cold. And just like any other winter evening I was accompanying her, and her lovely expensive German dog. The first time we met, we both knew it would be the last. And yet, every time, we had a reason to meet again and this time it was no different.

I spent all of the last night trying to persuade her not to go. I didn't want to be left alone anymore, I couldn't take it. Threatened her with my own departure. And as the tranquilizers took over her body she couldn't but cry. Her words were lost in the void of the choice, but somehow I comprehended the aimless shots that engulfed both of us in emotions we wouldn't wish for each other. But alas I was successful, I could see her another day. Though just like any other day with her, the following night was another challenge to make her stay.

Usually when we met she would be sweet and normal, but this time she couldn't fake anything anymore, she even brought the tranquilizers. I took them from her, and as we rushed to the hidden part of the park that blocked all the wind. And we stood there talking trying to fix things, at one point she fell in my arms, and starting crying. Her weep muffled every other sound, and sooner or later the world filled with nothing but dark dissolved into nothing. Bright, white nothing. The twenty minutes that passed seemed like an eternity. An eternity that I could enjoy, the only one that I ever could.

For once I felt worthy, I felt useful, I felt important, I felt like nothing could go wrong, I felt happy.

Now, tell me, the city of winds, the month of January, and all the imagery I didn't use, tell me, what if this is all the love I will ever get?