Entry Six

October 13, 2010 – 8:12am

Yesterday was full of hits and misses for me.  My wife and I had committed to a fund raiser in which we would help my father bartend.  All tips would go to support local artists which we both like to help in that area.  As a former art major I like to do whatever I can to help artists in any way I can, and this was a really fun way to help.  Well, after thinking more about it, she decided to back out on the event due to school work and other responsibilities.  I was disappointed because we had discussed having dinner there prior to the event and I was looking forward to that despite my sour mood.  I really wasn’t in any condition emotionally to go, but I let her talk me into going as she thought it would be good for me.

 

I went and had a great time; it really did help me out quite a bit.  I hadn’t bartended or waited tables in 15 years and had forgotten how much fun it is.  Having a couple hours of therapeutic alcohol slinging was welcome and needed.  It amazes me that despite the recent happenings with my wife, she really does care an awful lot and knows what I need.  You might think that would be a given but there are times where there is almost nothing emotional coming from her.  So when I see this side of her it only reinforces how amazing a woman she really is and why I still believe she is the most amazing thing to happen to me.

 

Yesterday I mentioned to her that I’d like to go to the cabin this weekend with the kids.  She has a lot of studying to do and I thought if she wanted to do the work up there it might be nice for her, and I can do some fun stuff with the kids.  So this morning I suggested that if she would rather have some space and study at home, I could take the kids up while she stays at home and has no distractions.  Immediately there was irritation all over her face.  So I engaged and asked what just happened.  She was angry because “Now, all of a sudden I want to do these things”.  I nodded and left the room to take a moment (this right here is growth for me, because normally I’d just start talking and get in more trouble).  After thinking about the situation and knowing she’s going through a lot of this type of thing because of how I hadn’t done enough of this in the past, I simply responded with, “Maybe it’s a good thing that I want to do these things”.  I just left it at that because it wasn’t worth getting into an argument, and I understand she has a lot she working out still.  As long as I keep working on my communication and maintain a level head I we have a much better shot at success.

 

My take-away moment yesterday was when she said one very simple thing.  She looked at me after a long talk and said, “We have a lot of work to do”.  This was huge for me because it tells me that she’s willing to put the work in.  I told her that no matter how bad this situation is, and it’s the worst s**t I’ve ever had to deal with by a mile, there’s nobody else on earth I would want to do this with.  When a bone breaks it is stronger at the point of healing.  I hope our relationship will be the same way.