Chapter 1 "Virtual Reality"

Just another chapter from my book, it's neither finished nor done being revised.

CHAPTER 1

I woke up to sole, warm rays of sunlight; tickled my skin so much I smiled. I could hear kids outside, or at least I thought so; their voice were as sweet as birds so you couldn’t tell which one was which.

I was surrounded with sounds, feelings, everything. Almost too much.

Weird, it felt like it wasn’t real.

The thought slipped away as smooth as I slipped into the table. Spectacular smells filled the air, specific so I could tell what was what. Pancakes, grape juice and canned peaches. Once again I had that feeling, that it was not real, that it was too specific.

Too obvious.

I quickly ate the pancakes and the peaches, but rejected the grape juice, drank water instead. Told my mom it tickled too much.

She giggled her usual laugh.

“What made you so Mr. Happy today?” She said, placing a yellow liquid in the stove.

I honestly didn’t know. I didn’t remember what happened yesterday.

Or any other day.

“Everything seems so nice today” I said, smiling.

My mom, was named Beatrice, everyone loved her and appreciated her, she was the most beautiful woman in town, possibly in the world. She had blonde hair, blue eyes, a face that seemed so sensible and matching.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get anything from her, I had green eyes and brown hair. Simple as that.

There was nothing but silence then, I was just heading for the door when she said:

“Has something gotten into you ?”

“What ?” I responded, turning to face her

“You have school today” She said making a face.

“ Oh, of course” I said scratching my head, thinking of what to say “ I forgot”

I should get a prize for best excuse.

Before she could say anything else, I rushed upstairs. 

Author's Note

Tell me what I can make better :)

Reviews

[Alexis Joy]

I can tell that you've improved a bit, but you could still focus on showing instead of telling.
There are times when you need to tell, too.
Let's start at the beginning: "their voice were as sweet as birds so you couldn’t tell which one was which."
I notice you are getting a bit obsessed, per se, with details. It would be best to leave off "so you couldn't tell which one was which." It ruins the perfect cliche simile of "their voices were as sweet as birds"
I like how that is a cliche, if viewers read between the lines, cliches help SHOW (!) that this cannot be a reality. Use cliches in special situations though.
Don't be afraid to lengthen your chapters, it can build up detail and suspense, and bring about complex conflict.
Other than that, it looks good!