Listless

part of a series of work written a while ago but not posted here because i have been away so long. a sharp period of sadness for me.

Listlessly limp I am drained by the stains on my soul

I am not in control; not strong I am weak I cannot

Speak and lately I have not written. I have been too busy

Worrying about a kitten to listen inside.

 

Ouch I am sick inside, tired I cry and I mourn all my days

It seems I am continuously forlorn. I am small and worthless,

I know I am infected and leeched. I have not much more to

Give in a life that is sometimes too hard to live.

 

I let myself hope and I cared, giving away my heart in

Little slices and shares. I let myself dream and I let myself

Selfishly seek what is not necessarily mine, I have wasted

My time and His, and here I am apologizing again.

 

I am heartbroken, no broken in general. I was never the willow nor

The flexible reed. I was always just tough oak but now I am dried

Up and brittle. Easily broken and fickle, angry? I am just a little mad

At myself and my life…at strife in general.

 

I am disappointment at its best or perhaps at its worst, I feel cursed

And that in and of it is wrong when I know I have been blessed. It is

The sadness of the moment that causes me to hurt and wish to cry

And fling up dirt; throw up sand in sorrow for the days of tomorrow.

 

Beastly emotions roar against the bars of their cage. They smash and

Pound against the walls of my heart. Angry and sick just like this beast

Is what I seem to be. I do not understand anything or me for that matter,

I just seem to gather pain like a girl gathers daisies in a field.

 

I must let this beast out, I must leave the tornado be because if I do not

Then I will never be free. How could I be? With a raging hurricane inside

Of me? Let it destroy and wreak havoc on the fields of pen and the lands

Of paper. This is better than becoming thin as a wafer with the sickness inside.

Reviews

[Carole]

Wonderful imagery here Luis of a tormented soul. The picture of depression. I have definitely been in this place that you describe. Very vivid and lucid. Well done. Carole