me, living my life, as you [under editing]

In the process of a book ..

" The 1st Movement "

As I progress each day with new thoughts to ponder and manifest, I became aware over time that my environment remains stagnant. As I embraced this harsh reality I replenished my mind with feelings of security and love intertwined with understanding. I realize that I myself may not emerge such stability to this world big enough to plant seeds while watching them grow and manipulate overtime. Many have chose this act of greatness and only accomplished planting their ideas and intentions but had not had the chance or wished not to witness the manifestation process begin.


While I lay in this four cornered room jotting my thoughts on this galaxy s4 I want to express my anticipation of spreading knowledge to every soul that I meet in life. This is reasonably why I come off as a positive vibe or someone who knows what they're discussing because I feel as if it's easy to understand and helps the hopeless cope with obstacles. But note to self: don't let that get in the way of what you are accomplishing.

Me , personally .. I am the tree in my neighborhood. Maybe you would ask what does this mean in this present context by which I would reply, " I am that GUY " Everyone knows me - well , not literally - but overtime I've lived in this sector of las vegas so long and witnessed local life changing events with the youth and my peers that I notice my place in this particular community of beggars & thievery. I am the one that made it out. Me speaking in the present tense speaking on the future.


My actions feel recorded as if I were read a script and told to do the following. Of course we all feel like someone is watching.. but I'm too involved in situating the difference between my conscious and soul.
" Do I talk to myself in my head? "
Hell yeah I do, but does that make me crazy or unacceptable to your society? I believe not because I'm sure you do the same.. I conversate over my ideas, intentions, dreams and beliefs. In the midst of reality checking me as a psychopathic outcast by judging the thoughts in my conscious, I glimpse at a world that's filled with many like myself hopefully with the same interests and intentions.

While wandering on this path of so many reroutes and dead ends my main point of concern is to identify exactly what is waiting at the end of this "path". Is it money? A figurative explanition to success in one's life? Why am I even walking on this road .. what if I walk backwards.. See where I'm going with this? Who and what "higher power" told my ancestors that THIS is what is necessary to strive. THESE are your necessities and these are what you only lust and want. If you choose this road then etcetera and so on and so on. This is a prime case of critical thinking that fuels the intelligence for new research.


Throughout life you obtain amounts of knowledge that only you could understand and manipulate to help others and or your own being. My current situation is that I spend so much time caring for others and trying to be a people pleaser that I'm not pleasing myself in any way shape or form. Realizing this causes me to reflect that this is how women feel with children or that wise elder you once met that had told many stories of his youth but none that eventually added up to his rate of succession in his lifetime. Not yet a victim of this statistical cycle, I wish to make a change for the better future for the ones I love most and my own being.


" The 2nd Movement "


The involvement of our deteriorating relationships with one another are causing us to separate ourselves mentally from the necessities of collaborative succesion with the mentality. One should know succession and achieve it as easily as a step of a foot. Instead we live this "comfortable lifestyle" of settling for less subconsciously and allowing ourselves to observe our surroundings in a manner that comforts us instead of independently thinking on our own and obtaining unbiased information and discoveries.

Peeking at reality from the eyes of a toddler understanding that his parents are argumentative and could care less about each other. This toddler is life and his father is called The Lord while his mother the universe ponderously wonders about the voids of time and space. Reality strikes it hard to believe the truth, so it would be irrelevant to think of differences and individuality but more on survivability and structure.

Once again as I write what agitates me as someone who scopes what's rarely brung up to topic and understand that I should just keep to myself and live my life. Hoping that someone may read my phone and realize there are still real thinkers.

So what would you say the reasoning is for me not being able to see what I'm trying to be shown? Should I work harder towards my goals that I set?