Isolation

Wrote this in ISS.. lol

Such a big room yet it feels so empty

Everyone in here punishedwanting to leave quikly

Unable to move a muscle without everyone hearing

Looking off in the distance hoping to see a clearing

 

I doze off and dream of leaving this place

This feeling is catching up like a cat and mouse chase

With no track of time I begin to worry

Fear fills my eyes,everything becomes blurry

 

Unable to move speak a word or a punisment

Hours pass and I wonder where the time went

Sitting with my back to the other convits

I see what I am, the last peice finally fits

 

I'm a convict locked up in a cell of despair

I scream for help but everyone ignores me without a care

The heartless b******s that out me in here are laughing in my face

I want them them dead so I can be free from this place

 

As I leave this room I can see

I can see I don't deserve to be free

Turning around and walking back into the room

I belong here with the convicts, suffering my doom

 

Dustin Davis: December 15, 2009

Reviews

[Lorraine]

The sequence of thoughts was okay up until before the last stanza. I find it weird how a convict can randomly decide when he can leave the jail and then walk back in it again. Or probably I misunderstood something. Great point of view, though. You've just shown kind appreciation to those who are a taboo of society. It's very expressive, real and conflicting.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[Melinda]

This is a very well written piece. Very strong emotion. You incorporate such strong personality in this. It's Great!
-Melinda XOXO Love You!

[MoonlitAngel]

The line, “Everyone in here punishedwanting to leave quikly,” should be punished, wanting (with a space and comma) and quikly should be quickly.

The line, “Fear fills my eyes,everything becomes blurry,” there should be a space between the comma and everything.

The line, “Sitting with my back to the other convits,” covits should be convicts.

I think the last stanza flowed MUCH better than any of the other stanzas. Very good write. It was very powerful and meaningful. Keep it up.:)

--Blood

[Annabel Lee]

I agree- great depth.

[Randomness!!!]

Cool poem

[c.m.]

Amazing depth. Love it.

[Mimi]

I know this feeling all too well. I hate being in ISS. It drives me absoulutely insane. I love this writing it makes you feel like you're there yourself.

~Mimi

[Safrina]

this is so so good. It reflects the feelings so well and like everyone else has said, it has great depth.

Well done :) xx

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This poem is really deep. The images where astounding. I felt it harder to breathe as I read through.

[Aislinn Gryffin ((Ashes..]

There was great depth to this poem. I love it.