En Retard

Thorn to thorn the fingers glide
Ceaseless flow of blood 

Bubbles out and flows in new made veins 
Blind eyes and felt tips reach the arduous lair 
Dawn dew, morning mist fall on fallen hair
Soft fingers touch the spilling rose
Sicken noses smell the fetid air
Its too late to turn, the limb has come to froze 

Author's Note

I've never thought that grammar is really necessary in poems.

Reviews

[quinfinn]

i am not a huge worrier about grammar either. as you will no doubt notice i rarely capitalize unless it's a name or proper noun...if people don't like it that's their loss because my writing is pretty damned good sometimes. this write of yours is beautifully dark and yet , while it may make one feel squeamish it is impossible to cease reading. that's what i call excellent writing. and don't worry too much about the rhyme scheme...as a poet friend of mine is fond of saying, it's your write...you have all the power!

[Dinali Sathma]

Thank you and your words are encouraging with you being an experienced writer. I'd agree with your friend too.

[de_maruf]

nicely done

[Dinali Sathma]

Thanks

[Ambereen]

its well written ... i love the darkness associated with it

[Imelda Blackheart]

Very nice! I liked this poem, and agree with phillitup that it is both light and dark at the same time. If I had to complain about one thing, which I hate to do, is the beat of this poem. There were sometimes that you rhymed words, and other times where you rhymed with a word a couple lines down, and other times when you just didn't rhyme. If those rhymes were just accidents, I understand, but I've learned that the best poems always flow like the melody and have a beat.
Overall, however, this was a very nice poem and I admire all of the different things you explain and how you explain them. Another keeper!

[Dinali Sathma]

It was a random thought and I made it into a poem only afterwards so I couldn't have a steady rhyme scheme. Perhaps I'll redo it with the proper melody and beat. And thanks for your review.

[Phillitup]

Dark while being light at the same time. Somehow, when reading this poem I can't help but think that maybe, as the thorn is taking away blood from others, some frost is choking it from behind. It's just a thought but I felt a bit cold when reading this poem...no clue why.

[Dinali Sathma]

Your suggestion is another good imagery. I couldn't help feeling horrified when writing it myself. Thanks for the review.

[Salar Majak]

(Soft fingers touch the spilling rose)
chilling this is chilling and beautiful in a dark way,i love how you messed with words, nice write :)

[Dinali Sathma]

Thanks.

[Salar Majak]

you are welcome :)