Heart Contractions

Chapter 15

Mom comes home after a long day of work, looking as fresh as she did when she left this morning. She wears a sea green suit with a black scoop neck beneath it and black pumps. Her straightened hair is still moisturized, laying neatly against her bra strap. Her lipstick is still sustained. 

She kicks off her shoes and chews on gum as she scrolls through her phone. Her eyebrows reveal a more serious expression. Today must've been tough. She's in one of those moods.

"How are you mom?" I do my best to check in. 

"Hi hun." She kisses me on my cheek while remaining glued to her phone. The gum chewing begins to feel like an omen. She sighs. 

"It was alright. How was your day?" She always took her time when it came to the unraveling process. She looks around and notices I've straightened up the place. Before I can respond to her initial question, she adds "Thanks for cleaning. It looks good in here."

I couldn't take all of the credit. My OCD doesn't allow me to sit in filth for too long. I smile before responding. "Today was okay. Grandpa came by and got the mail you left. I did some reading. Applied to a few jobs."

"You know you can always stay as long as you want hun. She grabs my chin and kisses me on my forehead before proceeding to change into house clothes and start preparing dinner. I use this time to slip away. 

Back in my room, I open the blinds. It is a bit past sunset. There is just enough light to see the surrounding city, but enough shadow to turn buildings into silhouettes. I gaze out the window in awe. I feel blessed to have such a view every time I return home.

I turn my night light projector on and stars suddenly appear around the room. My YouTube search history reveals a selection of beats I previously wrote to. There's one still on the back of my mind. I scroll until I encounter the song, then play it on the television so that it's loud enough to get lost in. I begin to write and enter what feels like a trance like state. The first verse comes to me almost suddenly:

"The wind goes north, south, and east

The west leads us to the promise land

And the breeze?

To the Mountain where he's standing

I believe he's not of the same planet."

I put my pen down as I hear both of my parents speaking downstairs. I run down to greet my father. He looks tired, still he gives me his best hug.

"How was work Daddy?"

"Tired." At this point, I should assign this as his default response. He wasn't very talkative after the work day. I rub his shoulder and smile warmly in attempt to extend more affection before leaving him to chat with my mother.

Before going back upstairs, I sneak to grab two Modelo beers from the fridge while my mother is distracted. She doesn't like when I drink, even though I'm over the legal age. Especially when I'm depressed. I manage to sneak the beers back upstairs, and suddenly, I am in my own personal Narnia. 

I resume the beat and sway my body, attempting to get back into a flow state. I crack the first beer and take a few sips, meditating in between. I begin to jot some words down, but they do not come as naturally as the first verse. I continue for a while before I accept that my creativity has been paaused.

I let out a sigh as the beat continues to play in the background. The notepad paper is 3/4ths empty. Feelings of failure begin to creep in. Suddenly, I hear a voice whisper:

"Idiot"

I place my palm on my forhead before tucking myself into bed and resting in the fetal position. I stare out the window once more, amazed by the beauty of my surroundings before feeling overcome by sadness. Staring blankly into the darkness, I begin to feel a sinking feeling in my chest.

My phone pings. It's Pauly. The message reads:

"I get it... you actually died this time. Didn't you? TEXT ME BACK HOE D:" 

I roll my eyes before smiling to myself. I proceed to text back when I'm interrupted with a phone call from a blocked number. Being mid text, I accidentally pick up the phone. 

There is a silence before I realize the call is live. There is a pause before I hear the sound of Ethan uttering "Damn. You're actually running from me after all." 

Suddenly, a bird surfaces at my window. I quickly hang up the call. Ethan continues to blow up my phone, so I turn it off for a moment. The bird tilts it head downwards, it looks sad. I get off my bed and lean on to my knees so that I could be at eye level with the bird. It stands near the window, as if waiting for permission to come in.

I open the window and the bird transforms into a Humanoid. It looks different than the last one I encountered. 

"Be well child. My name is Gabriel."

"Gabriel, like the bird the old man was talking to the other day?"

"The other day? It's been 6 days since that encounter. Though I'm glad you haven't forgotten him."

"Did he send you to me?"

"Well, yes and no. Technically, you sent for me."

"How did I do such a thing?"

"The sadness in your heart has been heavy. We couldn't help but feel it all of the day. As a result I've been appointed to conduct an official wellness check."

Gabriel stands tall and proud. He is slender and graceful in appearance. His hair is soft and flows a bit over his eyes. He seems dignified, and speaks rather punctually. I feel intimidated standing before him.