haiku

Come over me again, love!

And sleep in the rainbow of my heart,

Tear it afresh

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is not haiku. Just from a syllable count, I get 7 - 9 - 4 = 20 syllables total. Haiku is 17 syllables, usually done 5 - 7 - 5, but it doesn't have to be that arrangement. Also, haiku is about nature, whereas senryu (same syllable requirements) is about human nature, so this would be more like senryu if the syllables are fixed. In haiku, usually a poet gets rid of excess short words that mean nothing. Such as in L2 -- it could be shortened to "sleep under my heart rainbow" (which meets the typical 7 syllables). Haiku is imagery shorthand, so get rid of those empty words "and" . . . "the" . . . "of" . . . & paint bold images that convey your message (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie