Daily War

Daily War

My nerves weep

as we run wild in

my memory lane

Your smile flashes

Behind my eyelids

and my heart explodes

in multi direction

I can not catch all its

pieces

Blood drips through

My rib cage

Yet,

I stretch my chest

to keep million pieces

Of my thousand exploded

hearts

I put a blanket on

My torment and 

love you

While so many pieces

of my inside

still remains

Missing.

Reviews

[John Alexander McFadyen]

You describe well the struggles some have when life feels confusing and they are uncertain about themselves, their lives and their loves!

[Manya]

reached here through browse,
mature writing.The usage of verbs really makes the reader imagine and feel.
As a young reader who has never experienced hearbreak before, wise usage of words helped empathise rather than sympathise.
-MANYA

[barleygirl]

This is one of the strongest examples of where you have used dynamic imagery to SHOW instead of tell. I love the verbs you use: weep, run wild, flashes, explodes, drips, stretch . . . as I look over these verbs, I get the picture of how intense the torture must be inside this guy. As I was copying your verbs just now, I notice that they don't happen as much toward the end of your poem. Examples . . . V4: "to keep" . . . could be "to thrust" or "to cram" (more dynamic) . . . V5: "I put" . . . could be "I tossed" or "I wrapped" . . . V6: "still remains" . . . could be "still festers" or "still bubbles" . . . just a few ideas to keep in mind for future writing! Overall, love your poem & how it truly SHOWS a "Daily War" (which is how it can really feel sometimes when we withdraw from a relationship!) Fondly, Margie

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Love's loss is like a river and only in the drowning will we find our way across. We have to immerse ourselves in the sadness, in the loss, in the depths that sweep us under. We cannot savor that which wasn't loved; and in the loving, we find ourselves.

[Lydia Shutter]

When love is lost, it can feel as though your entire being has been ripped apart. However, if you keep yourself open to finding another, that can heal so much of the broken heart. Very emotional words....honest ones. I liked it. Lydi**