How to use a BB Gun- The complete guide with hunting tips

            For those of you that are new to the world of BB guns, there are, unfortunately, rules of safety and regulations. But if you read these thoroughly and deeply connect with these rules, you will become a master of how to properly handle your gun in no time. For extra credit, you should read this forward, backward, left to right, right to left, right-side up, and upside down. You should also talk to, touch, and play with these rules so you can easily become more acquainted with them.

            We will start with the basic firing techniques. The first and obvious rule is to check to see if the gun is loaded. It is recommended that you first shoot at rocks, up to the sky, or at a group of people, but shooting in a soft, isolated piece of land would work, too. If the gun doesn't fire, there are two reasons for this. First, check the safety, which is the button by the trigger, and click it. If the gun still doesn't fire, hold the gun so it faces up and look down the barrel to see if there is a bullet in there. If there isn't a little glare down the barrel, that probably means you need some ammo. To load your gun, pull back the "sideways trigger" on the right side of the gun to load a BB. Push the "sideways trigger" a little until you can see a BB at the end. You can simply push it all the way in, but if you want to be like the masters, you should stop for a second and ask to yourself, "When will this BB be fired?", "What unlucky soul is going to be shot by this BB?", or, "Will this be the BB that shoots my eye out?". After pondering for a while, slide the BB in and you will have just reloaded your BB gun. But you’re not ready to shoot yet. You must pump the gun or else the BB won’t travel anywhere. The pump is the brown part below the muzzle. It is recommended that you pump at least 3 or 4 times, but exceeding 10 pumps is perfectly safe as well. After you are done pumping, you are now ready to shoot your BB gun.

            Now that you know how to safely load your BB gun, you must learn about shooting techniques to make you a better gunner. There are many different stances when shooting different types of guns and it is vital to remember when to use each stance or else bad things may happen. You should memorize all of the stance names, how to perform the stances, and when to use each one. There is the "sniper" stance, the "get on your knees" stance, the "here I am" stance, the "I'm afraid of the recoil" stance, the "Is the gun supposed to point this way?" stance, the "Rambo" stance, and the "Look Ma! I can shoot a gun up-side down!" stance. The "sniper" stance is when you lay flat on the ground. This is used by many because of the lack of hand movement, making for better accuracy. This stance is used for when high accuracy is needed. The "get on your knees" stance is when you have both knees on the ground and have a straight back. Accuracy is lower than the "sniper" stance, but provides much more mobility. This is used as a replacement for the "sniper" stance. The "here I am" stance is when you are stand upright. This is the most basic of the stances. It can be used for a variety of situations. The "I'm afraid of the recoil" stance is just like the "here I am" stance, but your head must be as far away from the sights as possible, preferably not looking at your target. It is recommended that you use this stance when shooting a four-gauge shotgun, a grenade launcher, a Barret .50 cal sniper rifle, or an LMG. The "Is the gun supposed to point this way?" stance is when you hold your gun the opposite way of where you want to shoot, usually pointing at you. This semi-safe stance should only be used if you are going to play Russian roulette. The "Rambo" stance is when your forearm is parallel to the ground while holding your gun with a single hand, making it so that the "butt" of the gun is by your elbow. This is only used for soldiers in combat who want to act all cool, and Rambo. The last stance is the "Look Ma! I can shoot a gun up-side down!" stance. This stance is the most difficult to perfect. This is when your gun is being shot above your head, but the only thing different is that the gun is up-side down so that the trigger is pointing up instead of down. Please do note that this stance should not be attempted if you cannot bench press more than the weight of your weapon. This stance is commonly used as fun, recreational,  creative way to shoot paper plates, paper cups, pop cans, Rubik's cubes you can't seem to slove, Justin Bieber posters, Mitt Romney bumper stickers, stupid neighbor dogs that can't shut up, bad report cards, clay pigeons, and real pigeons.

With the knowledge of how to shoot your BB gun and the stances that will be used, you can now learn about the proper way to shoot a living target. The first step is to realize how the target is placed. Before the details are given to you, keep this in mind at all times. If you hear and see movement, turn toward the movement and fire a few rounds in the general direction and listen to hear if you hit anything. Now it is time find out the hunting steps from the experts. If your target you are shooting is in front of a tree, bush, or any other soft backdrop, you should try and wait for a safer position for the target to move to unless you see a golden opportunity. If the target is in front of a body of water, some rocks, a car, a house, on top of a hill, or in a residential area, visible or not, it is safe to shoot and you should continue to the next step. The objective of this next step is to determine where you will shoot the target. You want to try to shoot in the vital spot, which is the heart and lung region of the body. However, getting a head shot may make you feel like a more accomplished hunter. After you hit your target, shoot it about seven more times just to make sure it is not alive when you approach it; there is nothing worse than approaching your beautiful prize and having it run off, never to return again. Now comes the final and most important step in the hunting steps. Go to your dead trophy and examine it. If this is what you came out hunting for, you now have a fantastic trophy to flaunt to everyone you know. Congratulations. If your trophy is not exactly what you wanted, empty all your bullets into that sorry piece of crap; you deserve better than that puny, weak creature.

            Now that the tips of the professionals have soaked into your mind like a sponge, it is time to test the good techniques you were taught. Go forth and start shooting your BB gun in the forest, at your house, into a jewelry shop, on school campus, inside a bank, and around the local police station to show off your shooting skills to everyone around town and tell them that you learned from best. It is now your job to show your friends, family, and everyone you know how to become a safe a responsible hunter.

Reviews

[xx]

I have never held a BB gun in my life despite my having countless neighbors and other friends who possess at least three each. I have always looked askance upon them and wondered just how to use them, and if I ever did pick one up, how I would ever become proficient in wielding them.

After reading this guide only once, I already feel as though I am a professional. I am aware, however, that I will need some practice (as outlined by this guide) on a variety of targets, both inanimate and breathing. I shall be a professional in no time, I guarantee it.

Wonderfully comedic piece; I chuckled to myself continuously and even read it a second time just for kicks. I'm not a comedy writer myself, so I a properly astonished. Keep writing! :)

-Mina

[Marie]

This funny. Excellent advice given in a humour way.

[Popble]

I have never heard such perfect, not to mention intellectually superior, tips for how to shoot a BB gun. Thank you for spreading your knowledge. Now if you'll excuse me, I suddenly have some business to take care of near the police station. . .