All He Ever Wanted

I had a dream the other night, it was, uh, one of those dreams where, where people you know and people they don't know co-mingle and it seems completely natural. It was a party in my honour it seems, and everyone was there, decked to the nines in their evening-wear... I kept feeling like someone was missing or something was wrong... I looked around at the faces, and saw former co-workers, childhood friends, old flames, acquaintances of all stripes, all there staring up at me, as I sat at the piano. But one face I didn't know. I was playing something light and jazzy... but the playing was on auto-pilot, I was just trying to place the woman. She stepped up in front of the piano with a wine glass and a spoon, and clinked them together as my jazz number came to a snappy conclusion.

"Attention everybody," she announced. "As you all know we are here to honour our beloved Curtis on his Thirty-Third birthday, and I would like to start us off with a toast." Raising her glass she spoke, "Curt, I've known you 15 years now, and I wouldn't trade a second of it for the world. We've been so many places, from the gutter to the penthouses... my mother used to give me a hard time, saying that you'd never make it, that it was one in a million odds... but I believed in you... we believed in you, and supported you and were there for you, and look what you've done. You've beaten the odds, and had the success we used to always dream of... you are my light, my rock, my sweet darling husband. Here here for the birthday boy!"

With that the room broke out in "here, here"s! I blushed and withdrew... like a turtle into his shell... I never have been one for public outpourings of gratitude aimed at me... always have made me feel awkward, especially coming from a woman who is claiming to be my wife who I don't know. I stand and do a slight bow, just to be polite, before starting on my next jazzy number.

The party got back into full swing, and couples took to dancing near the piano. One of my high school buddies and his date danced up close. He had been a linebacker in high school, a big, high energy, alpha-male type. His date was ravishing... I remembered her from somewhere... but I couldn't place where. She wore a silk dress, with slits up her thighs, in the front it revealed ample cleavage, without looking completely trashy that is. Her black shoulder length hair hung in the way a girls hair only does on Prom night.

During their dance moves he dipped her backwards, giving me a breathtaking view. I nearly messed up the song I was playing. It was getting hot, and I needed a breather. I finished the number, then stood up and said:

"If you don't mind, I'm going to step out onto the Terrace for a bit of fresh air, don't mind me," then I ducked out.

Outside, it was cool out, I fumbled in my pocket for my pack of smokes, and quickly lit one up. I approached the railing and looked over. It was a 24 floor drop, or about 250 feet down. Enough of a distance to guarantee death, if that's what you should so choose... and I know the way to fool the life insurance agents. Jump away from the building; see most people are too nervous to do it, so they barely take a step off then fall straight down. When someone is thrown off a building they go flying away from the building. Oh, how simple it would all be... to just run and hurl yourself to certain doom, yet have your families needs taken care of... and what a better time, then when you are on top of the bull, when everyone you know and care about is there telling you how much they love you. But... what if the best is yet to come...

Glancing down, leaning against the rail, I saw an old woman crossing the street at the cross walk, a car comes up to her and just lays into the car horn. "Is that what I have to look forward to?" I asked aloud.

"That and so much more," came a seductive voice from behind me. I turned suddenly, to see the delicious brunette from inside, as she approached me from the doorway, slowly pulling her long evening gloves off, despite the briskness in the air.

"Excuse me, I don't think I had the pleasure of being introduced to you..."

"REALLY?! You men are all alike... unreal..."

"I mean you seem familiar... but I can't place a name... or where I know you fr-"

"9th Grade, Felix Conners house, 7 minutes in heaven. We dated for 2 months. You took my virginity in the backseat of your mothers Oldsmobile, you slimy f**k! And you can't place my name? It's pronounced, CAN-DISS. Candice. "

"Oh, right," was all I could produce.

"Yeah, then I never heard from you again. I didn't even know this was your party til I arrived... I didn't realize you were the Curtis he kept talking about..."

"I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings or broke your hea--"

"That isn't what this is about... although it does make this so much messier... look..."

"You're here for money, is that it?!"

"God, no. I'm here for sex, alright?"

"Excuse me?"

"See, Jeremy has this thing, he likes to hide in a corner and watch as I am satisfied by other men."

"You've got to be kidding me."

She shook her head then motioned to the hedges on the far side of the terrace. "I mean... you still find me attractive don't you?" and with that she stepped really close to me, pressing her body into mine, I could feel her breath on me. I gulped.

"Why of course... it's just... I'm married... and there are a room full of my friends right inside that door... and... and... I'm married."

"I don't give a f**k."

"That's a, that's a, that's a very good point you've got there, but see... um... uh..."

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah I just need some air," and with that I finally escaped her clutches, but in the process, my jacket got caught on the railing, which jerked my body backwards, and I nearly fell over the ledge.  She grabbed my hand right as it seemed like I was going to fall off; I saw the cigarette in my hand leave my hand and fall past me and down, as she pulled me upright and helped me re-attain my balance.

"Thank you... look, its not you, and its not that I don't get the whole kinky thing he's into over there in the hedges... its just... you don't want me. You don't even really know me, if you ever did, that guy you knew back then is long gone... ancient history. It's not that I don't find you attractive, Candy... I do. But even if I did as you asked, I'd only be going through the motions... it wouldn't be any good. I am sorry. Thanks though for the quick save back there."

"No problem," said the disappointed woman, "I guess we'll see you inside later on then. It was good to see you again, even if you are forgetful slime ball, at least you've grown up to be a decent guy." She walked over to the bushes and pulled Jeremy out of his perch in the hedges, and returned inside.

I lit up a new cigarette, and that's when it hit me. We all are like cigarettes. We try and be good, but really we all are just poison, slowly killing those around us. At one point we all are brand new, in school we all are packed in tight with those our same age... but then we leave the pack, one by one we leave the pack. We catch fire, some good happens to us, but we slowly burn out, until there is nothing left and we die... but what about that cigarette that got away... the went hurling off the ledge to a certain doom in the streets below. And with that, I started off in a sprint, or as much of one as I could produce in ten feet worth of space, leaping off a chair and over the rail. A sense of freedom came over me. The party sounds faded away quickly, then suddenly intense pain and traffic noises. If this is what the end feels like, this is all the Heaven I need. Release at last.

Then I woke up, it was all a dream.

Author's Note

The studdering language used when the narrator is addressing the reader is to evoke an actually spoken word element... I understand its not grammatical... it was for effect and intentional.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A very interesting story. To meet a old lover years later is very scary. I was in a room with one and my wife. Hard to communicate when old thoughts are being rebirth. I like the way you finished this story. Sometime we are safer in dreams then real life. Thank you for the outstanding story.
Coyote

[Deandra Dawn]

You leave me wanting more....amazing....