Scorpio Rising

A tale of love lost and revenge

Rage contained
in a bodice so tight
 loosens as night falls
into the woods.

He calls through the mists
hanging like fine curtains
on the trees.
Love lingers on her tail
drifting in the breeze.
Through the woods she sails
like a ship on course for disaster.

He is lost in the mists.

In time she will no longer resist
his pleas for freedom.
Until then she locks the gates
and leaves him to his fate

.
She has the key to his heart
but he broke it.

D.Hinson

 

Author's Note

Image ~ celtic cross (pen and ink~own design)

Reviews

[Twilight]

A very well written poem, Dianah! Also, quite different from much of your other writing (in theme), if you don't mind me saying so?

"She has the key to his heart but he broke it". This line has a clear metaphor, because like a lock, a person's heart can be broken. Also, this is an appropriate closing line, with the end consisting of a broken heart, and the finality of a lock which cannot be accessed.

In the second to last verse, the protagonist holds her would be lover like a captive. He could be seen as a "hostage to the heart", so to speak? It's certainly quite an atmospheric poem, which reminds me a little of the great Edgar Allan Poe's dark writing.

Overall, the imagery is not particularly special, but more than adequate to achieve what is required by this poet. Thankyou kindly, for adding this writing to the "Beyond Fantasy" Group!

[Sarah]

Very pretty poem, love the short lines and the beautiful, ethereal description. The lines, "Through the woods she sails / like a ship on course for disaster." are particularly lovely. Loved reading this - great job! =)

[CLUTZ]

The imagery is very good, very descriptive and a nice poem in the end.

[Aurora Night]

Great poem. You make the voice come to life.

[Lexi Nicole]

Very, very interesting. I love your language and imagery. Nice work!

-Howl

[Call Me Cash]

Beautiful! This is absolutely wonderful! I love the visuals portrayed in this poem!
Kudos

[Jim Clarke]

This has an element of horror in it, but I think that comes across in atmosphere more than anything else. Hopelessness and despair dominate the message here.

[bluessadmood]

This was so nice,though i think thee were some gaps ,but who cares ..For I Loved The Song
Rage loosens as night falls in the woods..calls through the mist hangs like curtains
Love linger on her trails,through the woods she sails..a ship on course for disaster
What loveliness,oh these words sing to my ears,how lovely they sound
she hold the keys and he locked behind gates ,but thats always the case..
what a great write..i really loved this
lovely write..