THE PITS

The dark emotions battle to gain control...

THE PITS

Melancholy mulls over wine
Despair drowns in her sorrows
Lethargy can't be bothered
Love may lose its way tomorrow.
Laughter a distant relative
who ran off with Happiness.
Guilt ridden her too many times
Health stuck in such a mess.
Failure won her heart today
Resistance felt futile.
Hope was lost in the darkness
but painted on a smile.

D.Hinson

Reviews

[bluessadmood]

Dark emotions dissected and analysed..this was written with such feelings
like words coming right from the heart..
Melancholy ran in wine...Despair drowns in sorrows..Lethargy..wont be bothered
Love lost its way..Laughter is far away,ran off with happiness..Guilt ridden her all times
health is such a mess..Failure won every day resistence feels away
hope lost in the dark,but left a beautiful smile
Lovely write..

[Lucy Joan]

I love your diction and personification in this poem. Every line seems to have been crafted perfectly and thoughtfully. Laughter a distant relative who ran off with Happiness/ Failure won her heart today/ Hope was lost in the darkness but painted on a smile.
Great ending, by the way. It feels like the last sentence suggested something mysterious and sorrowful, but that hope isn't completely lost.
Great write!

[Ama May Cooper]

Very moody trembling piece. Filled with nothing more than depression, descrbed and depicted beautifully.

[K. Carver]

Dork. Emotional.
Very nice.
I enjoyed this.

[Twilight]

The emotions expressed here, are far from unusual for many of us. Particular, perhaps, in view of the dark times in which we live - a world of economic downturn, excessive state control, threats to our civil liberties, wars and so on. There is also the conflict in our minds, between those dark and morbid thoughts, and positive ones.

"but painted on a smile". With this closing line, the writer may be trying to suggest, that we need to face our darkest moments with a smile. Or, simply that we should accept the darkness, whenever it falls, with a brave smile?

Whilst this works as a poem (and makes sense), there are certainly a few ambiguous meanings. The flow is not particularly smooth, either. Intererestingly, it reads as if the protagonist has submitted to the dark or negative feelings - until the very last line (in which her smile represents the prospect of hope or acceptance).