The last line still has something meaningful, to say to the reader. Overall, the rhyme scheme and flow is quite good. Clearly, the final word in each verse, rhymes perfectly with that of the previous one.
I was not comfortable with the use of the word, "embryos", in view of the genre which this relates to? It seems too much, a word which readers are likely to associate with the modern age or future. Not in any way, does that blend well with the "Alice In Wonderland" tale.
It was quite uplifting, in some ways! I felt that the writer is trying to say, that even though their are dark or sad times in our lives, life is still worthwhile. Also, there are a few words which made me think, of the confusion or unpredictable nature of human life. I'm not sure if that was intended by the writer?
More than once, the colour "white" is used. This makes sense, partly in view of the purity or innocence which we tend to associate with thay colour. Indeed, the "loss of innocence", is one of the messages conveyed in this poem. Do my fellow readers agree, I wonder?
In general, a great piece of writing, and another fine contribution to my Group, "Twilight's Discples"! Thankyou, Dianah!
I absolutely love the line "it's not too late the mourners cried/but they were all mad hatters" - the rhyme scheme is excellent, I'm especially impressed by the second stanza and the last line of each verse. Although you're right, there may be something a bit off about the very last line, although I can't think of what it is or how to fix it. The rhyme and the rhythm matches, anyway. I'm a huge Alice fan and I love the direction this poem takes, very different but still very Alice-esque. Great job!
The last line still has something meaningful, to say to the reader. Overall, the rhyme scheme and flow is quite good. Clearly, the final word in each verse, rhymes perfectly with that of the previous one.
I was not comfortable with the use of the word, "embryos", in view of the genre which this relates to? It seems too much, a word which readers are likely to associate with the modern age or future. Not in any way, does that blend well with the "Alice In Wonderland" tale.
It was quite uplifting, in some ways! I felt that the writer is trying to say, that even though their are dark or sad times in our lives, life is still worthwhile. Also, there are a few words which made me think, of the confusion or unpredictable nature of human life. I'm not sure if that was intended by the writer?
More than once, the colour "white" is used. This makes sense, partly in view of the purity or innocence which we tend to associate with thay colour. Indeed, the "loss of innocence", is one of the messages conveyed in this poem. Do my fellow readers agree, I wonder?
In general, a great piece of writing, and another fine contribution to my Group, "Twilight's Discples"! Thankyou, Dianah!
good take on the wonderland. just read the book and I can see it as an extra poem not included. cool. I like how it rhymed. very simple, but I put a smile on when I noticed.
I believe this mourns the passing of life.
This is always a tragedy. Being eulogized in
poem, the life will live on and become a
a little garden spot, never to be forgotten.
I write , mainly poetry, about anything and everything. I have written song lyrics and seem to be addicted to rhyming. I hate writing blurbs for blogs as I never know what to say...
I often confuse.. more..
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