Sprinkled with Grief

Sprinkled with Grief

            It was as if any other cruddy day for a lone wolf-teenager. Woke late, rushed to school, and struggled to keep a false smiley upon his face through his hated classes. Only hearing little word from his productive relationship partner, he could only grin with the thought of hearing from her once time had space. Only this day he felt a little more joy than usual in the gates of hell, aka school. Having only ate a small amount as he rushed out of his house, and carrying little energy; the young man dreamt of getting a donut after school. Though not just any donut, a pink sprinkled donut which he planned to get with his own money he earned.

            Periodically he would think of it through the day, how it has been a long time since he had one and how he could almost taste it. Hell, even brought him some memories of his life before his brace into teenhood, oh and how he tries so hard to bury those memories- good or bad, but in this moment he smiled in remembrance. Having once he returned home, he hoped his mother was going to head out so that way he could get his desire. Fortunately his mother did have a few errands, and so his dream was in pursuit. During his wait he began to receive messages from his beloved.

“Call me.”

            In a smile he wondered what she wanted, but sadly replied that he was in a car and what she needed to tell. She began to speak of plans of hanging out, considering she’s home schooled and is constantly focused on her academics, this got the lad happy. But slowly, over time he felt the emotions of his beloved falling to distress. As this happened he too began to feel unwell due to the lack of energy he had and the hunger that grew. Eventually the couple began texting in short, one word replies. Sensing the unbalance in her boyfriend, she asked if it’d be best to go.

            Not wanting her to leave and in a symbolic form he only replied, “If that’s what you want,” to say in his definition: I won’t control you, follow what you wish. Hoping that she would catch it, the result was a failure.

“ :/ I’ll just go,” she replied.

            Not wanting her to leave, the boy instantly text, “Never”. Questioning what he meant and why, he explained to his darling that he never wants her to leave him. This, however began quite a discussion.

“ :/ I’m worthless”

“You’re worth everything to me”

“No I’m not”

“Babe I love you and don’t act as if you aren’t special because you know you’re my joy and cause me to smile like an idiot but the only thing stupid is the distance between us. I love you babe”

“I love you too I just am gonna lay in bed I don’t feel like getting up ever again I feel worthless”

“ *snuggles beside you and holds you tight, kisses your cheek* okay my love”

            His message wasn’t to sound as if he is going to make her feel worthless, but trying to keep telling her she isn’t wouldn’t help. He felt best to just text in roleplay that he’s there for her and loves her ever so dearly. Eventually though it wasn’t just her down as a problem, but his emotions too. Feeling tired and grumpy, impatience began to creep upon him. Through the entire day at the torturous compound known as school, he dealt with the sight of those he once held as friends that now betrayed him by ditching him by going to his cheating ex, the annoyance of rude teachers, and the scoundrel- lowlife teens that plague mankind. All this and amongst the only joy he held in his depressing life was that donut he craved.

            The donut wasn’t just a fattening food to be consumed, but a little bliss in life that actually made him in terms of peace within his wage against life. Imagining the bites to the bakery, he smiled again, remembering a time in his life that he was carefree. Only was the moment brought into grief when his beloved remained troubled and a delay remained for his personal treat. He was hoping in his fall that too he’d get support from his girlfriend as he is doing for her, but sadly this too wasn’t achieved.

“Why do you even want that donut”

“I was on a rush this morning and didn’t get to eat much, I didn’t have lunch either because I was doing an essay during that time”

“Well you should’ve done it yesterday”

“Yesterday I Skyped the moment I came home because you couldn’t leave yours”

“Well sorry I couldn’t hang out”

“Perhaps if you weren’t so focused on your future and began to focus on the moment then maybe you would have time for me”

            The moment after he hit send, guilt rushed through his veins. Though in his belief, he was right. Little do they get to be with one another and she brightens his world as much as the sun. Eventually the couple cooled down from that topic. Errands became complete and the wait came to an end. Walking into the little food store, the treasure no longer remained. All he admired for through the day, all that brought him a brief bliss- gone. There was no other place in town that carried them too.

            “I know where we could get you your donut,” his sister smiled, placing her hand upon his shoulder for support.

            There was no joy in his eyes nor face, he had no hope. His mother, however, made it a quest to find it, but there was nowhere else in town that sold it. Each time they went back into their truck the teen just sulked in his chair. Not in over exaggeration, but he truly had his heart sunk by his own ambition. Truly a goal lived by the lad was to not expect so highly, so it seemed the rule was broken by his own doing. To top this, his madam was still unwell. With true sincere he said, “Sorry babe”. This only to cause more of a disaster.

“It doesn’t matter”

“Ok”

“Ok”

“Just trying to love and help you feel better”

“I’m just depressed and lonely”

“As am I” he replied.

            Dropped off at home, he carried to boxes of pizza into the empty space that he called home. With a sigh the boxes were set onto the counter. Looking inside he stared at ever so emptily. Grabbing a slice he ripped off some crust and placed it into his dog’s bowl. From the kitchen he looked to the hallway that held his chamber. Walking to it he began to brood as he would everyday once he returned. Sitting into his office chair that claimed for gaming, he forcibly ate as he little held an appetite.

“As stated couldn’t find my donut, used my money on two pizzas”

“Ok”

“Don’t know why I got two not even hungry after my disappointment. Two boxes and I don’t have it to share with anyone but my dog”

“Then why did you even get two”

“Because I was depressed and crap okay”

            The couple began to grow more into conflict as now neither of them had a right in what they said, this remained until a point was made by the boy responded:

“I’m just going to give us a few because neither of u are really cheering up from another”

“Oh… Ok” it seemed he reached her out of her state of distress.

“Alright” he replied,

In a quick response she sent: “Iguess I’ll go to bed:/ “

“If that’s what you want”

“I have nothing else to do”

“Sorry for that”

“It’s not your fault it’s mine”

“Okay” he text with hope she could tell he’s upset. “Not as if I tried to cheer you up as I too was down but put you first then finally I couldn’t support myself yet tried to make you feel better. I tried and it didn’t even get a chance from you. Even when I’m around my utmost state of down I think of you and it instantly brings me a jolly mood. Oh well, rest if you’re going to do so”

“I’m sorry”

            With every cell within him he felt to forgive her, but he was too hotheaded and didn’t forgive. Shortly afterward they didn’t reply to one another. In his lonesomeness he felt regret by the minute. It was dark out but not late, he then decided to head to her house to apologize face to face, but the timing was probably too late. “What have I done,” he thought. Until suddenly he felt a little piece of mind tell him he did what was right. Forcibly he shoved that thought down, reaching for his phone; he planned to text his madam.

            Suddenly the doorbell went off. Not often has it ever happened to get a late night visitor. Carrying his phone to the door, he opened to the outside to find a hovering box. It just floated with a candle and chute. Looking away from it he caught the lights of a car driving away. Taking hold of the base, he blew out the candle. Closing the door behind him, he removed the candle and opened the tiny box.

            Inside was a pink frosted- sprinkled donut as well a note that stood beside it. Placing the strange gift upon the counter, he read silently to himself:

            “I’m sorry about your donut, but here’s my love for you anyways. �"Your Beloved”

            Smiling and holding the note to his chest, he shook his head as if he felt other than joyed, but his smile said otherwise.