Elevator

Walk. Walk. Walk fast. Walking fast, fast, faster. Panting, walking, escaping. The white, fluorescent lights above my head flicker, and the cold, pale gray tiled floor freezes my bare feet. The world blurs and tilts, but I continue on, unable to waste time. Move past a few nurses, who are focused at the papers in their hands, allowing me to slide by unnoticed. I make it to the elevator, slam the down button. Wait. Push. Wait again. Push again. Push. Push. Push. pushpushpushpushpush. 

The doors open, revealing a, thankfully, empty elevator. I step in, suddenly feeling the world shake. Quickly grabbing hold of the wall to steady myself, I press the ground floor button and wait. The doors close, sealing me into the small, rumbling container. I am trapped. Trapped as an insect in an air-tight holder, waiting to be released to the world to fly.  I slide to the floor, my knees up and pressed tightly against my body. The world continues to shake, making my head pound and heart race, as though a hummingbird was locked in my chest, fluttering its wings, and an elephant was trying to escape my mind, charging and slamming itself repeatedly against my head. 

Take a deep breath, letting hot, stifling air into my body. Take a breath. Take a breath. Take a breath. Take a pill. No, don’t. Wait, yes. Rational thought. I search my pockets; sure I had at least one of those magic little capsules hidden away. Finding nothing, the earthquake intensifies. The tiny, itching ants crawl faster and faster beneath my skin. The hummingbird panics and the elephant throws itself against the walls of my head. 

Nothing is moving. The elevator comes to a slow, almost unnoticeable stop. Unable to stand, I wait on the floor for the doors to open, but they never do. My arm struggles to reach up to the various buttons, being held down by an invisible weight. I manage to slam hard on the buttons, pressing the ones I can reach, hoping something would happen, until my arm collapses down next to me. The weights holding me to the floor let up and I manage to stand, though the earthquake keeps me leaning against the wall. Bang. Bang. Bang. Let me out. Let me out. 

They’re doing this on purpose. They won’t let me leave. They’re trapping me here forever, locking me in with their daily psychotic candies doses and their controlling dictatorship over my mind. Clip my wings, tape my mouth, chain my feet, bind my arms. No, no more. I have to escape. Bang. Bang again. Bang again. bangbangbangbangbang. Scream. I have to get out, I have to get out. I have to run. I have to fly.

Nothing. I stand in front of the doors, holding my arms out to keep balance in the unsteady world. The heat is unbearable. The elevator turns into an inferno. I glance around, seeing the walls begin to melt away slowly. Everything turns pale red, warming up, ready to explode. I find that I can’t breathe. I fall to the floor, suffocating, fighting to stay alive. I squeeze my eyes shut as everything spirals out of control. This is it, I mutter. This is it. This is it. I can feel the walls closing in, squeezing the life out of me, pressing me into nothing. Disappear. 

The doors and my eyes open simultaneously. The cool air from the lobby engulfs me, breathing life into my nearly dead body. I stand, the world beginning to steady itself, but still tilting from side to side. I stumble out and glance around. The humming bird has almost relaxed and my legs are free of their restricting ties. I step out, shocked by the tiled floor trying to freeze me and turn me to ice. Stand and stare, completely invisible to the few surrounding eyes. Normal. I walk quickly the doors, step outside, and fly away.

Reviews

[James Eugene]

I like how this story unravels and ultimately ends. However, I think the tool of repetition and short staccato-like sentences doesn't serve the story in all the places it's used. I understand you want the reader to feel rushed, stifled, nervous etc but I'd also like to see how another approach might look. If this were a script for a performance piece or if each sentence were a shot from a movie I think you might get the effect you desire.

An interesting challenge might be to re-write this focusing on the word choice rather than the short, rapid fire, sentences to evoke emotions out of the reader. That isn't to say there isn't a place in the piece where repetition or those sentences can be used. And I say this because I really do like the concept of the caged mind setting itself free, and I think you have a great perspective on it.