I Saw...

Just a short poem written shortly after seeing myself clearly.

I saw the love of my life today,
He walked between the shadow and the flame.
I saw my own death in the water today,
But it wasn't from anger, or the blame.

I saw the joy in the sun and moon today,
There was naught that it could be compared to,
I saw the world consumed by flame today,
But I lay helpless, nothing I could do.

I saw the horror and the wonder today,
The best and worst of the world made clear.
I saw both angel and demon today,
They were beneath the skin, and in the mirror.

Reviews

[bob, small b. aka invs]

nice writing. i like the use of repetition and contrast in the verses. the only criticism i have, and it may just depend on the dialect of the reader, is the rhyme of 'clear' and 'mirror'. to me, that seems to be stretching to reach a rhyme, but it's a minor point and may only bother me so take the criticism with a grain of salt.

[Deyeil]

It is just dialect. Up where I'm from everyone pronounces "mirror" like "Mear" and not like "Mir-or" So i didn't even think about it, but thank you. Constructive criticism is always good.

[Matthew Bosko]

Love a good poem that seems very self aware. Really liked how cohesive all the paragraphs felt together. Nice job.

-Matt