Only Desire

Written 3 years ago... a shadow from the past. Luckily, it has left me. =)

It's been more than a decade but I can still feel the strings being pulled from my back...

Like some one, somewhere is controlling me from the south.

I feel helpless, unable to move,

Surrendering to the drudgery it's been leading me to.

Sucking up the power and hope I have inside.

Imprisoned by their expectations, no one will ever be enough..  

No one will ever be enough. No one can ever be.

I've come to my senses, that's the truth of what has been and will be.

I only have now. I only have this time.

I don't want the life they are building on me.

But love makes me weak, my bloodline weaker..

I wish I could neglect the person I should be...

All because I know I am not, I never was, that girl that breeds their dreams.

I have mine. I live mine. I will never forsake my desires.

No one will ever be good enough. I can never settle down.

I don't want to lower my expectations for someone just because -

He can't be the person he ought to be nor be the love of my life.

I don't want to settle down just because, society thinks it's lonely alone...

They have no idea of my life.

Things are changing... too fleetly, I guess.

It's hard to keep up knowing it's an unsteady road you are trudging on.

I can't keep up, but I must...  

No one will ever be good enough... that's why I can't be with someone.

I need to fight the battles I have inside, cast away the demons I earnestly hide ...

or else... I will only bring forth catastrophe into such fragile heart that only wants to be loved.