Drifting with the Wind

Just a short poem

Drifting with the wind

If you asked me to tell you a story,
It would not be a tale of glory.
Because this hero never did win.
There were times that I took a fall;
On my hands and knees, I had to crawl,
Losing grasp of the strength within.
If I had the chance to go back,
One opportunity to rewrite my past,
I would simply grin.
Because those days are gone
And I've moved on;
Drifting with the wind.
 

Reviews

[**~Sam_Sam~**]

cuttte not bad at all u should check out my writing but not my song plez

[Andrew'sWonderland]

Great Flow! A Wonderfully Written Piece!!

[Jessica]

i really liked this poem great write! flows very well and great concept

[the nothing]

awsome write as stated in orv review rythem a little of but great I usally read darker poems but this realy capt my interest

[Bryce Simonds]

I thought this was a pretty good poem. The rhyming might need a little work, but it didn't take away from the poem enough to make it so that the poem was bad; it remained good throughout the poem. The way you began the poem, and ended it, was also very good, I enjoyed that. Overall good write, keep on writing, I'm sure you'll get better and better, good luck! Thanks for sharing.
-Bryce

[deeps]

I like this, I think it is wonderful
Flows great

[Marilu Elizabeth]

i like this writing its very insperational thank you for writing it...it says alot

~*Marilu*~

[Emily B]

I might suggest some changes . . .

If you asked me to tell a story,
It would be no tale of glory.
Some heros never win.
There were times I took a fall;
There were days I had to crawl, . . .

play with it, listen to it as you read it aloud. But have fun.

[Katie Foutz Voss]

I'm not going to rip your poem apart, but I'm also not going to glorify it. This is the first piece of yours I've seen on the Cafe and so I will give you a little grace. This is obviously not to spread some didactic lesson to change the world, and it isn't written to sweep inspiration through the hearts of poets and readers everywhere. It's just a part of you, and that's fine. For you.

However, for an audience, the rhyming is a little less than satisfactory. The subject of the poem is great and can certainly tell a message. However, you are restricted by the rhyming. My advice for future poems: Write *with* emotion, not *about* emotion. If you do this, it will be evident by your vocabulary--which is of great importance with rhyming poems.

Anyways. Like I said, it isn't horrible, but it isn't wonderful. Keep writing.

[Brandy]

Please take this review as constructive critism, not harassment. In other words, I don't have much positive things to say about this poem. Okay. I see that this poem has a point, and that point was made clear, but it really isn't that poetic. Not an extended vocabulary, just ryming words that I don't see to think beautiful and is less noticable that you wrote it formt he heart. Read other people's poems, maybe, it might inspire you, help you gain more skill. I appreciate your good use of grammar and punctuation.