Meaning of life

   When I was 12... I finally lost all my faith on the humanity, maybe it was too soon isn't it? What does a kid knows about life anyway? Even though, I haven't changed my mind since then. Today I'm 20, have my own house, a reasonable job and I'm in a good university, in other words, my life would be called "perfect" by anyone, even so I still felt empty just like 8 years ago.

   About 6 PM something interesting happened, a girl suddenly fainted right at front of me and, since I had nothing better to do, I took her to the closest hospital, I kinda liked when unusual things happened even if it was something like this, it's not like I'm sadic or anything... I just feel better when my life gets off its boring routine.

 

reaching the hospital

"Excuse me, she collapsed a while ago and don't seem to be very well."

 

   Some nurses took her to a room and I awaited outside a bit, it was late already and my house was not too far so there wasn't any problems:

 

"Are you a friend or relative of hers?", a nurse asked me

 

"A friend", I said, so they would take care of her faster.

 

"Well... her condition is not very good right now, would you mind staying with her for a while?"

 

"Sure, no problem", and in my head: "Aww s**t!"

 

  I entered her room, she was sitting on her bed calling someone and barely noticed me:

 

when she finished

"Ah~ so it was you who brought me here, thank you", she said with a smile.

 

"It was nothing", I replied while tried to copy her smile.

"I'll stay here for a while so just try to get some rest."

 

"What? You don't have to... I mean, we don't even know each other right?"

 

"Uh... yeah but I'm a little worried, would you mind if I stay here anyway?", I couldn't think of an excuse to the nurse

 

   It was almost 9 PM, she fell sleep and I finally realized that it was a little weird to be asked to stay with her, "what the hell does she have?" I thought. I asked for her medical records... her symptoms includes general pain, limphadenopathy and several liver tumors. For a second my mind was in complete silence, because I knew exactly what these symptoms mean... advanced cancer, already spread throughout all her body... and no hopes to be treated anymore, even if they say there might be 3 or 5%, she would at least live forever under constant treatment.

   It shouldn't bother me, but it didn't made me feel proud of my actions as well. When I got back to the room she was awakening

 

"Feeling better?"

 

"*yawns* Yeah, I'm ok already", she said smiling again.

 

I didn't tried to copy her smile this time

 

"But... why are you still here?"

 

"I... have nothing else to do", for some reason it felt like the first time I was being completely honest in a long time.

 

"I see... then, thanks for staying with me"

 

"I... just don't have anything else to do", her words made me feel a little sad somehow, I wonder why.

 

   About 11 PM I left the hospital and couldn't sleep very well, I was starting to feel ashamed for my acts on that day, but most important, I couldn't forget when she said "thanks for staying with me", and this phrase echoed in my mind all night long. Next morning I just walked to the hospital without thinking about anything else

 

"Excuse me, I want to visit the girl at the 14 Room"

 

"One moment please... ah~sorry but right now you ca-"

 

"I'm her fiancé"

 

"Oh... well... then I think there's no problem"

 

   I was really that desperate to see her again? There's nothing new for me to lie but...

 

when I entered the room

"Huh? You came back?"

 

"...yeah~"

 

"So, you don't have much thing to do huh? *griggles*"

 

I could just look down wondering what I was doing

 

"You know... I'll take a surgery today", she said looking at the window

 

"...it'll probably not be enough", I said without realizing

 

"I know... I'm scared"

 

"..."

 

"Can you stay with me again?"

 

"Of course", I said without hesitate.

 

   Would be just a few more hours with her, maybe I could at least do some thing to feel proud later. I bought some snacks and we talked a lot durning this time, I guess I've told her my entire life story but she just laughed from what I said. She told me that I just had to find something to fight for, something able to raise the courage in my heart... because that's why we need courage, to fight for what we love. Somehow I felt a lot better after she said it, I trusted her words as I've never done before.

 

"Maybe we could hang out sometime huh? I need a girlfriend like you", I said laughing

 

"Y-yeah...", she said sadly

 

   And then I realized what I have done, more that that, I had just forgotten that very soon I would no longer be able to be with her

 

"Sorry..."

 

"It's okay", she said smiling

"I'm happy that you enjoyed our time"

 

   I haven't just enjoyed it, I've never felt better and didn't wanted it to end anymore.

 

"It's the first time I have someone I can trust everything", of course... she would not be able to tell anyone

"But... I just brought you here because I was bored... and just went to talk with you because that nurse troubled me... I'm just a lucky terrible person"

 

"Indeed *griggles* But... you stayed with me because I asked you so, then... thank you"

 

  Right after she said that her chest started to hurt and her beat frequence increased too much... she should have more 2 hours... we should have more 2 hours.

 

"I'LL CALL A DOCTOR, HANG ON!", I screamed desperately

 

   But before I could run to call someone, she grabbed my hand, looked into my eyes and shaked her head saying "no", even so... she was smiling

 

"Stay with me..."

 

   I closed my eyes and held her as strong as I could, I just wished that we could have a little more time.

 

"I won't leave you... I promise", I said with a trembling voice, as I heard her heartbeats

 

"I'm not scared anymore", she said in low voice, hugging me back

 

"And I don't feel empty anymore... thank you"

 

   In these few seconds my time stopped. I forgot all my problems and all around me was silent, I could feel her gentle warmth and her delicate cheek on my chest, I wanted to hold her like this forever, just to be sure that she would never be scared again.

   I'll never know if she heard my last words, when the doctors came it was already too late for her. Of course, later her parents came to the hospital and I got into some trouble, but I didn't even paid attention to what they said.

   So in the end I lost my world twice, but... this time I was feeling different, that's why I wanted so much to keep these memories isn't it? Because in the few hours of this single day... I was truly happy, I had someone who I could trust and... even call friend. This single day has worth more that my whole life, all because of this girl... and I promised that I would not leave her. I could just die right now and hope to find her, but I think she would just be disappointed with me, then I don't really know what I'm going to do now.

 

All I know right now is that I have to do something amazing, whatever it could be

 

Because even if there's only a little

chance...

no...

 

Even if there's not even a chance to

find her again

 

I want to have something to show her

So we could laugh together

And I could see her smile once more

 

All I know right now is that my heart is not empty anymore

Because no matter how much time passes I'll aways be able to feel this same warmth

So I'll aways be able to hug this dream,

about a boy whose life meant nothing

and a girl whose last hours of life meant more than anything else.

 

 

 

"Life is an empty tome and sometimes you don't like what's been written on it,

then you can accept it or try to erase the words to write new ones.

But only if you be really stubborn,

you'll shred that tome...

and realize that you don't have to write anything at all.

Because the truly important things are recorded in your heart

And'll never fade away"

- K -

 

 

~The End~

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems and poor vocabulary please, english is not my main language.
Also... I'm kinda new in this writing thing, so don't need to be too harsh.

Despite any critics, if you guys were able to understand the meaning of this story I would be satisfied already.

Reviews

[PaperHearts]

Aww, this was such a touching write! It was nothing of what I had expected, but as I continued to read, I found that I was quite pleasantly surprised! I thought that your story progressed really well, and I liked how everything built up towards the last few paragraphs, which I thought were really beautiful. I thought that the dialogue was pretty solid for the most part, although I found the verbs in the ** a little distracting and arbitrary. Other than that though, this was great! A really enlightening read. :)
~PaperHearts

[MarchAprilMayJuneJuly]

This story was amazing!! I have no idea what your first language is, mines english, but i'm pretty sure you can write better than me! :o The voice in this story was very upfront and i felt emotionally connected to it
I'm curious if this is a true story though. If not, then it still rocks and you have a great imagination! Kudos :DD

[little lily Bride of Ch..]

wow this was Such a beautiful and Heartfelt story you had me in tears how sad but still a happy ending. tc god bless