Autumn

This passage is near the end of the book, when the protagonists, the "Archangels," become separated and must find each other. This is when the main protagonist finds Uriel dead, and tries to save her.

He had finally reached her. He had cheated death and traveled the world to see her, but it was too late. Uriel was gone. Gone like the cool autumn breeze that had passed just moments ago. And Samael felt something he hadn’t felt for a long time. He felt sadness. It overcame him and he sat there, despondent. Crying over the body of someone he didn’t know he loved until now. He loved Uriel, and she was gone. This sadness seeped through him as if he were being injected with a poison, sweeping through every vein in his body. He had loved her but it was too late to tell her that. Nothing could be done to save her and she was gone forever. But he knew that was not true. He could still save her. He knew this, and so he gathered himself and thought. He thought about the things he still wanted to do, the places he still wanted to see, and the people he still wanted to meet. He thought about this, and then he made the decision. He took the knife his grandfather had given him out of his pocket, and he stood up. Samael gripped the knife in his fist, clenching it as hard as his muscles would allow. He thought for one last, fleeting moment, and then plunged the knife into his chest. His entire torso burned with a pain a thousand times worse than anything he had ever felt before, but he paid no attention to that. His eyes fixed upon the dagger, glowing gold, filled with every ounce of power that had resided within him. He felt completely drained of any strength he had, slumping to the soft soil beneath him. The knife was glowing brighter every second, a vivid display of his life, his memories, all gathered before him. Samael was near the point of exhaustion, struggling to stay conscious. Just when he was sure that he could take no more, the breeze returned. The calm, gentle kind of breeze. The kind that he would have enjoyed back at home. He suddenly became serene, put at ease. He watched with tired eyes as the golden, dust-like substance that had gathered on the blade dispersed, blown away by the wind. It reached Uriel, filling her with life, the life that Samael had given up. She opened her eyes and spotted him at once, the one who had gone through so much to save her. But now, he was but a lifeless man with dead eyes. For a moment, she could almost see his eyes drifting towards her, with a glimmer of what seemed like so many things. She saw hope. Love. Despair. So many emotions flowing through his eyes at once. And then, nothing. His eyes dulled as his last breaths escaped him, flowing into the air around them. Flowing into that cool autumn breeze. The breeze that reminded her of home.

Author's Note

ignore absence of indentation

Reviews

[Rose Monnotte]

I've got to say, I absolutely love this! Especially that you are using the Bible and the Torah as references! This is obviously a very original story (those are the best kind) and I really felt for Samuel when Uriel died. And man, I can't imagine just how upsetting it'd be to "wake up" and see one of your dearest friends die in order to take your place at deaths door. I mean, just wow. Amazing writing. One thing that did catch my attention was, in the first chapter, The Colosseum, Nuriel being so easily ready to slay another gladiator (I'm just assuming you're calling them gladiators in your story. Is that correct?) His casualness about it doesn't feel quite... right. Unless, of course, that is intentional? Although I might also just not have enough information about the character. It might make readers fall for him more though if he were to refuse killing (somehow). (Though this might be further along in the story when his character has more noticeably been toughened up.) I just felt that what was shown in The Colleseum, and the description of his "burning passion" in Confrontation didn't match up 100%. That was pretty much it out of all your wonderful writing that stood out at me in a confusing sort of way. I loved the rest! Fantastic job!

[Jophiel]

Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed this, and I am grateful for the constructive criticism, it really helps me improve.